“How long are you two going to play this game, Beck? You don’t think I know how you spend your nights, sitting at home like a fucking old man? You don’t date; you work, which I’m sure everyone loves since you do all the hard shit before we ever even crack the file open to start a new case. But you aren’t doing yourself any favors. If Dee doesn’t want a relationship, or whatever the hell you’re fighting this one man war for, I think it’s time to move on.” He walks over, puts his beer back in the fridge, and takes a deep breath before continuing. The whole time, I’m statue still. “Whatever her issues are… they aren’t yours to worry about.”
What can I say that won’t be betraying her confidence? I wish I could scream the truth in his face, because he doesn’t even know half of it. For almost two years I’ve watched the woman that owns my heart struggle to keep her head above water. Not even her best friend sees the pain she’s carrying on her back, because she hides it so well. But not from me. No one else was there to pick up Dee’s broken soul and fight to keep her whole after Izzy’s ex-husband attacked them. No one else saw how many times her beautiful, dark eyes completely lost their spark. And, while everyone else has moved on after the incident, I was the one by her side for months before she finally pushed me away.
The only thing I’ve thought of is the deep-seated worry that, one day we would show up at her house, and she would be gone. I do what I can from the sidelines, but even I know that isn’t enough. Izzy is too busy with Axel and their son, Nate, to even notice how far Dee is slipping away from us. Greg and his new wife, Melissa, and son, Cohen, are enjoying their new life as a family. Honestly, after everything those two have gone through recently, it isn’t a shock to me that he hasn’t noticed. Having your son kidnapped can do that to someone.
No, the two people closest to her, who that would be able to see through the veil of bullshit she wears around, are too busy. And the one person who wants more than anything to be there for her, has been locked out. So, yeah I’m just a little screwed up at this point.
“I can’t help it, Coop, and I know you don’t understand, so spare me the bullshit. I can’t just turn this shit off.” I finish sweeping the last pile of sawdust, and after dumping it in the bin, I look back over at Coop. “She needs me. I don’t know how to explain it, but when I look at her, even when she’s smiling and laughing with the girls, all I see is the need.”
“Right, well, I won’t pretend to understand where you’re coming from because I’ve never felt that, but you have to ask yourself if you’re just seeing something you want to be there because you’re still fighting for something that used to be. Did you ever think that maybe, she isn’t the same chick you first met?”
“No, because if I thought like that, I would be just another person to give up on her. Come on, we’re going to be late if we don’t stop talking like a couple of damn chicks and get over to Greg’s house.”
I take a few minutes to change out of my work clothes and throw on some old jeans and a faded black tee before we head over to Greg and Melissa’s for Cohen’s birthday party. The closer we get, the more nervous energy flows through my system. I feel it every time that I know I’m about to come face to face with Dee.
God, please don’t let her have a date.
****
The party is in full chaos mode when we walk in. Coop, being Coop, heads straight for the kids and starts acting out some weird impression of a ninja. Kicking his legs and flapping his arms around, he looks more as if he needs medical attention by the second. Cohen’s in the middle of about ten little boys his size, all of them laughing at the weird man in front of them.
It takes Coop about one second too long to notice what he just walked into.
“Coopie!” And in a flash of blond hair, black spandex, and a gold cape, Sway jumps into the fray and hugs Coop tightly. Cohen starts laughing hysterically when Sway starts jumping around, flailing his arms, kicking his legs, and swishing his long, blond ponytail around. Coop, never the one to be out done, joins in, and before long all the kids are acting like cracked out little hyenas.
“Hey, you, glad you could make it.” Melissa’s voice breaks through the insanity, and she wraps her arms around me, giving me a small hug before pulling back. Greg is right behind her, giving me one of his hard stares, which just makes me pull her in for another hug and kiss her lightly on her cheek. When she is pulled out of my hands and into Greg’s arms, we both laugh. Yeah, it’s way too easy to pick on him these days. Ever since she found out that she’s pregnant with twins, he’s become almost unbearable with his possessiveness.
“Calm down, you beast.” Melissa laughs, swatting his arms away.