When he pulls his truck into the driveway, I push the door open and stomp up the stone pathway to the brightly lit porch. I watch him as he makes his way to the door, shaking his head with that damn smirk in place, and I want to scream. My anger has hit the point of no return, and all I want to do is smack that look off his face. Then, kiss away the pain. God, I’m so sick with my own constant, mental tug-a-war with this man.
“Is this a game to you, Beck?”
He looks shocked for a second before his eyes turn hard. Turning to unlock the door, he holds it open for me to step through before he follows me in. After dropping his keys on the table he disarms the security system before looking at me. His eyes are still hard, and his body strung tight.
“Which part do you think is a game? You refusing to be more than a bed warmer? Not answering the phone when I call because I’m worried about you? No, wait, I’ve got it. It must be the time that I told you I wanted more than to be just an itch to scratch and a dick to ride. Please tell me, Dee, because for the life of me, I can’t figure out just what game I could be playing with you!”
Oh. My. God. Never. Not once, in the months that I’ve known this man has he ever yelled at me. Standing here, right now, looking at his wild eyes and flaring nostrils, I want to slap myself for taking such a strong man and turning him into this. He doesn’t deserve this. He deserves a woman that can love him freely. A woman who won’t be waiting for the other shoe to drop, and the perfect man to turn into the perfect nightmare.
He deserves the best. And as much as I wish I were that person, I know that it isn’t me.
“I don’t know what you want me to say here.” Even though my words are whispered, by the look on his face, I might as well have just screamed them at him. “I don’t think I’m capable of being the person that you want me to be.”
“Are you serious? I don’t want you to be just anyone, Dee. I’m not sitting here demanding that you be anyone else but YOU.” He walks over to where I’m standing, taking each measured step slow and steady. His hands are relaxed at his side, and his body is screaming comfort. “All I want is you.” He stresses with his deep velvet voice, caressing my ears and warming my heart. If anyone has the power to make me believe, it’s this man right here in front of me.
When his feather-light kisses dance across my face, it’s almost my undoing. He takes my head between his large hands and tilts it to give him better access. I look into his pleading eyes, and silently beg him to stop.
“I’m so scared of you, John Beckett.”
His eyes widen a fraction before an emotion I’ve seen a few times takes over his face. He looks at me as if I’m his whole damn world and he isn’t afraid to admit it.
“You’ve got nothing to be scared of with me. Not one damn thing. You’ve had me in knots for months, Dee. Fighting for you, us, and this relationship might drive me mad at times, but it’s a fight I want if it ends with you in my arms.” Between his words and the soothing promise, I find myself relenting. Knowing this might blow up in my face, and prove once again that I’m right about men, doesn’t even bother me. I crave him just as badly as he craves me.
His lips meet mine, and it’s a kiss full of every ounce of love he’s been trying to convince me of but I’ve been too afraid to see. I’m still terrified of the unknown, but when I look into his eyes I know he means what he says. I can feel the emotion pouring over me, drowning me, and I want more than anything to believe him.
“Tell me you’re mine. Tell me that you’ll stop running and working on those damn walls so hard. Just try. That’s all I’m asking, please.” He doesn’t even give me a chance to answer him. Scooping me into his arms, he carries me up his stairs, down the hallway, and into his bedroom without removing his lips from mine. He places me softly on the mattress, and continues to look at me with his eyes blazing, just taking me in. I go to sit up and remove my clothes, but my movements must have looked like another flight attempt, because he places his hand lightly on my chest lightly, his eyes begging. “Please, Dee. Take a chance on us, and I swear to you, Baby, you won’t regret a day of it.”
Sighing deeply, I look him in the eyes and hold his stare. Yes, I’m scared out of my mind, but if I leave here tonight and deny him this, I know I’ll regret it until the day I die. “I’ll try.” The smile that takes over his face makes my heart skip a beat. His eyes crinkle at the corners and lose all traces of worry. He looks like a man that has the world. And, in that second, I feel lighter than I have in years. I feel like I’m the one who has the world.
“Thank you.” Kiss. “Thank you.” Kiss. “God, thank you.” I laugh when he pulls back from peppering my face with kisses, and I see the smile is still firmly in place. “You won’t regret this. I’m going to make you the happiest woman in the damn world, Dee. Just you wait.”