“Yeah.” I laugh a little at the assessment of my life story.
“You going to continue to let that control your future?”
My head shoots up from where I’ve been picking apart a napkin, and once again, I find my mouth wide open.
“Uh…”
“You going to let the ghosts of assholes past ruin your chance at something good?” His brow goes up in question and immediately, I think of Beck. His handsome face and those eyes I love so much filter through my mind. The way he looks at me as if I’m the last woman on earth.
With a deep sigh, I nod my head.
“Right. You let them win then. Push away a good man, but when all this shit blows up in your face, I’m going to remind you of this conversation. No man in this world is worth the pain you have on your shoulders. There is also no way I believe that you aren’t able to love. Seen you with Izzy, seen you with Greg, and I’ve seen you with Beck. You’re wrong, Dee.”
“I have to protect myself, Maddox. I can’t… I don’t, I don’t know how to let go.”
He reaches over and grabs my hand. His huge palm covers it whole. He gives me a gentle squeeze, and for the first time since I’ve known him, I see something close to regret in his eyes. “Just because you let someone in doesn’t mean you have to stop protecting yourself. It just means you have someone to share the job with.”
We sit there in silence for a little while longer before he pays the bill and then head back over to the hospital. There really isn’t much more to say, at least on my end. Right before we hit the entrance to the hospital, Maddox asks me to stop.
“Can already tell you’re going to run. Promise me, you need to talk, you’ll find me?”
“Yeah, okay, Maddox.” My voice is just a whisper, but he hears me. He gives me another one of his nods before closing off his face again.
When we get back inside, everyone is standing around Izzy’s bed, waiting for her to wake up. I know she won’t be happy, but these people need to know this isn’t the first time we’ve been in this position. So, I open up and spill my best friend’s secrets. I watch as the men in the room grow rigid and the mood is waist deep with fury. My eyes move from Axel’s wrecked expression to Beck’s stoic one. He’s just looking at me. His face is expressionless except for his eyes. His eyes are begging me to come to him, to let him be my rock. When I give him a small shake of my head, his lips thin, and he drops his gorgeous eyes to the floor.
Just like that, regardless of my stupid, no strings rule, my heart breaks in two.
And, I have no one to blame but myself.
Bullshit.
Yeah, that’s what my life’s been like the last few weeks. Absolute fucking bullshit. Dee’s walls are up higher than ever. Last weekend was the real kicker. I showed up at her condo with movies, snacks, and flowers. The fight in her eyes when she opened the door, shocked to find me standing there, was almost painful for me.
The smile on my face when she answered the door died a slow and painful death when she told me she wasn’t free. Something about ‘Stewart from the office’ was on his way over. I checked the time again and frowned when I realized ‘Stewart from the office’ wasn’t coming over to get work done. Not at eight o’clock on a Saturday night.
What could I say? Not a damn thing, because she made it clear she didn’t want a relationship, and whatever progress I had made went poof the second Izzy got hurt by her ex-husband. So I smiled, handed her the crap I bought, and left with my pride intact.
Then I sat in my truck like a goddamn stalker and waited. No ‘Stewart from the office’ ever showed up. The lights went out, and her house went dark and silent.
I’m pissed that she’s using excuses to push me away, but I’m even more pissed that she isn’t letting me be there when I know she needs me. She’s slipping so far away that I’m not sure anyone will be able to catch her this time.
I can tell she’s going through some heavy shit. Izzy and Axel have finally worked out their issues. The boys and I have a running bet on how long it’s going to take for those two to either get hitched or knocked up. I know she is happy for her friend; she genuinely looks happy when she’s around Izzy, so whatever her issues are, they have nothing to do with jealousy.