“Let’s go get something to eat, all right?” I speak softly, but she practically jumps out of her seat. Her hands fly up to her mouth, and her eyes do another sweep of the room. “I’ve got you, Dee. I’m right here. I won’t let anything happen to you.” She still won’t stop her worried gaze around the room. I try to calm her down by whispering reassuring words, but she can’t calm herself down. I’m about to open my mouth to try again when Maddox steps in front of where she’s sitting. I raise my head and give him a questioning look, waiting to see what he’s up to.
“Let’s go. Now.” Even though I knew he was about to speak, Maddox’s biting tone has me instantly on edge. Who the hell does he think he is, talking to my woman like that? But to my dismay, Dee stops her crazy eyes and takes his outstretched hand. I sit here in disbelief as a man close enough to be my brother, and the woman I’m close to falling in love with, just walk right out the door.
What the hell just happened here?
I can’t stop the chills. This fear that Brandon’s attack on Izzy has brought on. That he was even able to get that close to Izzy. That close to me. My whole body feels like a jackhammer, violently shaking. I’ve never known fear like the kind that Brandon-fucking-Hunter can induce in me. And the worst part, I can’t talk about it. Izzy has no clue, and Greg is so worried about Izzy’s mental stability that he remains pretty blinded to the rest of the world around him. I’m trapped in my own personal hell with no chance of escaping. It’s been so long since I felt this darkness closing in on me that I can’t figure out how to push it back.
It’s better this way. I remind myself. Izzy has too much going on right now, and even before now, there has never been a good time to tell her what he did to me. I’ve kept it locked inside, and hidden it behind my mask.
Goddammit. I’m so sick of this. I thought all this Brandon shit was behind us, and then bam, he’s right back in our faces like some bad venereal disease. Just when I’m ready to tell Beck that I’m ready to try. For the first time in my life, I’m ready to trust a man, and then like a reminder from hell, stone-cold reality smacks me in the face.
Now, it doesn’t matter what I do. I can’t separate all the bad runs I’ve had in the past with men, and most importantly, what Brandon did to me when I was just a fresh-faced, college student trying to make Izzy’s life a better place. All the amazing moments that Beck and I have shared over the last few months seem to vanish when the shadows pull me back under water.
Beck might seem perfect. He might act perfect. Hell, he might BE perfect. But that means nothing in the long run. I’ve never met a man that could have a relationship without it turning sour eventually. I’ve been a revolving door for assholes my entire life. It isn’t a stretch that all of my ‘man issues’ start and end with my father. Try as I might, I can’t shake the feeling that it’s just impossible for me to have love.
I’m pretty sure that Beck is the closest thing that I will ever have to happiness, but after today, there is no way in hell that I’m taking that chance. I can’t, because deep down I know, I know, if I give him a chance, he will steal my heart. I’m just not sure what would happen to me if I let him in, and he ever changes his mind.
So, it’s best that whatever this is between us ends now before something bad happens. I take a deep breath, trying to get the images of Izzy, broken and beaten again, out of my mind. I tremble violently when the painful images of her filter through my mind again.
“You going to keep huffin’ and puffin’ over there like a damn brat?”
My eyes widen and my spine stiffens before I look up and glare at Maddox. How dare he! How freaking dare he!
“You don’t know me well enough to judge me, Maddox Locke.” I’ve never been good at throwing sass around. Izzy is better at giving those stank eyes out to get her point across. I can tell that I’m doing a crappy job when the corner of his mouth tips up slightly. “This isn’t funny.” I pout, crossing my arms over my chest.
“It’s pretty damn hilarious.”
My jaw drops, and I stop right in my tracks.
“Excuse me?” I don’t have to fake the displeasure that laces my words.
“You want me to lay it out for you?” At my nod, he just shakes his head before continuing. “Here’s how I see it. Two months, give or take a few hours, you and my boy have been fuck buddies who act more like a couple than some married people do. I’ve watched you, Dee. I see you pushing back and at the same time, running forward. You’re hot and cold, but when you’re cold, it’s fucking frigid. Last couple of weeks, I’ve seen that fear leave you. The crazy emotions, ups and downs, all those stupid games you’ve been playing with him, have stopped. You were finally ready. I won’t act like I understand your life, but if you let what happened today ruin what could be something worth trying for, then that’s on your shoulders.”
“Are you done?” I spit out. Literally, spit the words out at him. I’m sure I look hilarious. I might even be frothing at the mouth at this point.
“Yeah, I’m done. For now.” He starts walking again, and after a second of stunned shock, I rush after him.