“Ava?” I said, but she didn’t turn around. She stood over Dancer’s body for several moments then leaned the rifle against the corral and slowly walked away. The three of us watched and waited to see what she would do.
Dale called to her, “Ava, come here, sweetheart. We’re so sorry.” She ignored him as she untied the filly from the post. Dale squared his shoulders and started walking quickly after her. We followed. “What are you gonna do, sweetie? Don’t get on that horse, please, Avelina.”
“I’m riding back,” she said as she hopped up into the saddle.
“It’s not a good idea. It’s almost dark and it’s far and that horse is un-broke.”
“She’s broke. She’s wearing a saddle with a rider in it, isn’t she?” Right at that moment the filly threw her head back. Ava yanked on the reins with both hands, reprimanding her.
“Ava, please don’t,” I said to her. “You’re not thinking straight.”
My dad even tried to plead with her. “It’s not safe, honey. Why don’t you get down? Nate can drive you back.”
I held my hand out to her but she looked away and pulled the reins, turning the horse in a circle. She gave the filly a swift kick and they were off, a black blur in the fading light.
“Jesus Christ,” Dale said. “She’s gonna get herself killed.”
“I think that’s what she wants.” My father’s words stung my ears.
“Are we gonna go after her?” I asked, feeling panic rise.
“She’ll stay off the road. The best we can do is get things taken care of with Dancer and then get back to the ranch.”
“God, poor Ava. She was just starting to come around,” I said. “Are we going to bury the horse?”
“No, we’ll call a company to come out here and remove her,” Dale said.
“I think we should bury her on the ranch so Ava will have a place to visit her.”
My father and Dale looked at each other like they were contemplating it. While I waited for an answer, I felt drop after drop of rain hit my skin until it started drizzling steadily. All the while I worried about Ava.
“Okay,” Dale said, finally. “I’ll have to run up and borrow Henry’s tractor.”
“I’ll stay here with Dancer,” I said firmly.
They drove up the hill and returned shortly with a big tractor. We managed to get the horse into the front loader. “You’re gonna drive this thing back to the ranch, Nate, since this was your idea.”
“Okay,” I said with a curt nod. I had no idea what I was agreeing to. Dale took off ahead of us in Ava’s truck while my father followed me in Dale’s truck. The tractor would only go about twenty-five miles per hour. I essentially drove that thing with no headlights except for the light from my uncle’s truck behind me, in the freezing cold, pouring rain for fifteen miles down a country road with a dead horse in the front loader.
My uncle met us at the bottom of the driveway leading up to the ranch. “She’s okay,” he yelled over the loudness of the engine.
“Where is she?” I asked.
“She’s in her cabin. You can go up there after we get this horse in the ground. Get down, Nate, I need to dig the hole.”
I removed Dancer’s bridle and saddle while Dale used the backhoe to dig a twenty-foot grave. When he finished, he turned the tractor around and unceremoniously dropped the horse into the hole. Something painful struck me suddenly. I thought about Lizzy and her young body in the darkness below, the promise of a beautiful life ahead of her gone. Then I did something I’d never done in my life: I prayed. I’m not sure who I was praying to but that’s what I was doing as I watched the tractor dump bucket after bucket of mud on top of Dancer. I prayed that there was something more for Lizzy and Jake and the damn horse we were burying. But most of all I prayed there was something more for Ava while she was here on earth.
After my uncle was finished, I drove Ava’s truck up to the barn. Bea was waiting on the porch with towels.
“Look at you boys. What kind of foolishness are you three up to, burying a horse in this rain?”
I took the towel and began drying off. “Have you checked on Ava?”
“She’s okay. I took her some dinner. Get in here and get warm first.”
My uncle went off to his cabin while my father and I followed Bea inside of the main house. “Jeffrey, you go ahead and use the guest shower. Nate can use the shower in our bathroom.”
I followed her into the master bedroom at the back of the house and into the large bathroom. She reached behind the curtain and started the water for me. “I can do this, Bea.”
“You’re shaking like a sober drunk.” She began to yank on my jacket. “Let me help you out of these clothes. Don’t worry, I’m not lookin’.”
She helped get my shirt over my head then turned away, sat on the closed toilet, and sighed. I had no idea what she was doing. I stripped out of my jeans and quickly got behind the curtain into the shower.
“Feelin’ better, Nathanial?”
“Yes, I’m good, Bea,” I said, wondering when she was going to leave.
“Good. You gonna go see Ava after you’re cleaned up?”
“Yes.”