Accidentally Ever After (Accidentals #11)

Toni gasped when, without warning, her feet forced her to move, propelling her forward toward Bree with an alarming speed.


But Bree’s body was no more. The puddle of pink and blonde colors blended and shifted like gel then began to slither upward, the image distorting, twisting, changing.

Green scales began to form all along Bree’s ever-growing arms and legs, and then this thing she was becoming fell forward onto four legs, making the earth quake and crack, sending fissures throughout the forest floor. It sprouted loudly flapping wings in shades of emerald and blue, whirring them in mad thumps.

As Toni slammed into the belly of the beast and fell backward, it lifted its mammoth head, rearing its long neck upward and opening its mouth wide to reveal a forked tongue, slithering directly toward her.

A dragon. She was staring a bona fide dragon right in the face. This was really happening.

Toni scurried backward in a crabwalk as fast as her hands thrust deeply in the snow would allow. Panic seized her chest, fear and disbelief immobilizing her.

Jon’s sword rose high, arcing in the dwindling sun as he rushed at the beast, but just as he bellowed a rebel cry, Toni’s feet virtually lobbed her upward, thrusting her full throttle toward the stream of fire faux Bree spewed.

But in that moment—a slow, painful moment, where she was literally looking down the throat of a dragon—her body began to react in ways her mind disagreed with two million percent.

As her mind screamed, are you fucking kidding me? You can’t take out a dragon with the thump of your fist, Toni Vitali! You can’t even make it through an entire Zumba class without clinging to the ballet bar, begging that sadistic instructor Dominic to end your life, her body did just that as she landed on the dragon’s back and it took flight.

Midair, she raised her fist high and brought it down on the dragon’s snout, making him rear backward and howl his displeasure so loudly, snow fell from the trees in clumps.

“Milady Toni, no!” Jon hollered, waving from the ground just as the tail end of the dragon thwacked her like a tennis ball.

Her mind said, drop like you’re hot, dumbass! Curl up in the fetal position and pray for death!

Alas, her body entirely disagreed again as she grabbed on to the dragon’s thorny tail and clenched her jaw while, hand over hand, she climbed her way back atop its body, headed for its Mothra-like wings.

Again, her mind interfered. You’re a certifiable nutbag if you try this, Toni. If you do, I’m done with you. You’re dead to me. But before I write you off, look down below. This thing’s eyeballin’ that huge hole in the ground.

Her eyes briefly caught the image below, a hole, probably the size of the alleged hole in the ozone with nothing but blackness along the interior. But her body pressed forward and latched on to a wing, fighting the cutting wind and the almost ear-shattering screech of the incensed faux Bree.

The dragon began to weave frantically, waffling in and out of trees like a stunt aerialist until it soared higher. From her position at the tip of his neck, Toni saw Nina, Marty, and Wanda below, screaming something she couldn’t hear and waving their arms.

Marty began to literally climb up the side of the tree where Toni met faux Bree, using her arms and legs in rapid motion, with Wanda hot on her heels, their fairy godmother wings swatting the air.

Nina flashed into her vision briefly, the bluebirds still circling her head though more anxiously now, chirping above her as she used her long legs to launch herself into the air, wobbling slightly.

However, Toni was already where she needed to be.

She knew she was, and she didn’t even stop to think that was odd. It just was.

Pressing one of her heeled feet to the middle of the dragon’s wing, she latched on with both hands, her eyes stinging with tears from the cold, and yanked backward with everything she had in her.

Once more, her mind revolted. What the hell do you think you’re doing, Crouching Tiger? Have you suddenly become some mythology slayer? You’re on the back of a dragon, twit!

Ah, but her body fought back as she broke the dragon’s wing and he began to nosedive toward the ground, screeching and blowing a stream of orange-and-blue-tinted fire.

Her mind was back again, and this time, her body mostly agreed with its assessment. Knock-knock. Brains here! You do realize you’ll be a grease spot when this bad boy hits the ground, right? With the speed this dragon is racing toward that hole, you’re stewed, Vitali. Nice knowin’ ya.

“Milady! Jump!” Jon yelled as he ran alongside the dragon, his hands cupped over his mouth, his long legs pumping. “I’ll catch youuu!”

Fingers grabbed her newly acquired length of hair, shoring the strands upward and effectively plucking her from the back of the dragon as it careened in a spiral down to the pitted depths of the hole below them.