Accidentally Ever After (Accidentals #11)
Dakota Cassidy
Blurb
Antonia Vitali's on the run and in hiding, working as a salesclerk in a designer outlet mall in Jersey. Toni's life has been on a steady downward decline for three years now, the ghosts of her past always nipping at her heels.
Little does she know, her life's about to change when the OOPS girls whisk in for a day of Christmas shopping and fall through a wormhole in the store's dressing room, taking Toni with them!
Now Toni's got a pair of sparkly purple heels gifted to her by the head fairy godmother of them all—gorgeous heels she can't take off until she returns them to the king, a trio of reluctant fairy godmothers, an ogre named Dannan and a mission to get to the castle to find the happily-ever-after she never even asked for. Along the way, the group meets an amazingly handsome, utterly chiseled stable boy named Jon Doe, who offers to help them navigate The Not So Sherwood Forest safely and get them all to Castle Beckett before Christmas Eve.
But who is this hot dude and if her happily-ever-after is at the castle, why does the stable boy's company seem so right? And why does the evil Queen Angria want Toni’s head on a platter?
Join Toni, Marty, Nina, Wanda and Carl, too, as they journey along the treacherous road to love and eternal happiness in the magical realm of Shamalot!
Note From Dakota
Darling readers,
I’ve gone and mucked it up again, sticking my nose where it surely doesn’t belong by using snippets of famous fairy tales and ideas from various television shows to suit my twisted needs. Enormous thanks to: Outlander, Game of Thrones, Galavant, Shrek, Once Upon A Time, and, in one facet or another, every Disney/Pixar movie with a princess or memorable villain in it ever made. Basically what I’m saying is, I’ve maybe toyed with some classics (eep!), but it’s all done with utter and total respect.
I don’t care what anyone thinks about the non-feminist properties attached to my wish to be a princess; I’m honest enough to tell you that when I was five, I wanted to be Cinderella. I didn’t much care about the prince then, but I sure wanted talking mice, a coach, hair that floated around my waist, and that darn ball gown. Nowadays, at almost fifty, I just wanna wear a floaty dress while small forest creatures clean my house. But my love of a good fairytale remains.
Also grateful thanks to Mindy Dawn Fletcher for the brilliant title, my ever-awesome BFF Renee George for the brainstorming, and my amazing DH for some of the whacky parodies on names you’re about to encounter!
For anyone new to The Accidentals, I’ve included a link to Interview With An Accidental, a quick (and mostly painless) interview-style introduction to the women who are the heart and soul of this eleven-book series, originally published traditionally. If you’re a repeat offender (YAY to repeat offending, you rebels!), skip right to chapter one!
Dakota XXOO
Acknowledgements
Illustration: Katie Wood
Cover: Valerie Tibbs
Editor: Kelli Collins
Chapter 1
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away (or as some call it, Jersey), there were three lovely maidens and a zombie off for a day full of mirth-filled Christmas shopping and friendship.
Okay, that’s not totally true. Yes, there’s a zombie, but there are only two maidens full of mirth and friendship. The third maiden is so unlike the other two maidens, she wouldn’t know mirth if it slapped her on the ass and called her Snuggle Bunny.
But she totally gets friendship. Swear it.
Back to the story. Allow me to introduce the players in our tale: The first of the trio is our fair Marty Flaherty. With hair fashioned of spun gold—or in some circles, a box of Clairol #222—light of heart and blessed with a gift for perpetual optimism (see Pollyanna), one can surely see the charming Marty comes by her title with ease.
A cosmetic/fashion guru/werewolf, our Marty is an admitted shopaholic, and happily married to her life mate, with whom she shares the blending of two cosmetic empires and a young daughter named Hollis.
The second maiden, equally as fair, is our ever-elegant and oh-so-tasteful Wanda Schwartz. Warm, nurturing, a paragon of decorum, lovingly titled “halfsie” by her BFFs. Which translates to half vampire, half werewolf. Wanda is also happily married, and has an amazing manservant named Archibald who loves to cook gourmet meals.
And then there’s Nina Blackman-Statleon…
Fair maiden number three. Though, I warn you, this storyteller is only using the word “fair” to keep things on an equal playing field so when all is said and done, there’s no bandying the word “unjust” about. #storytellereyeroll
Ahem…