But he heard me even when I wasn’t trying to speak with him.
That’s because you’re an open channel. An undisciplined mind. Frazer’s been taught to guard his thoughts and emotions … Although, while you can’t ransack his mind at will, his mental barriers won’t keep you out. You could speak to him and he wouldn’t be able to stop you, unless you get far enough away from each other. Then, the connection would break.
If I’m so open, doesn’t that mean he can hear us?
I’m shielding our conversation from him, and I’ll hide any thoughts you have about the necklace. As for the rest, you’ll need to learn mental discipline. Start building your own wall.
One small problem: I’d no sense of how to do that.
Why can’t you hide all my thoughts?
No answer.
Dimitri yelled for us to quit the flour exercise. Frazer dropped the bag like a stone.
“I think we’ll move on to another gut-wrenching exercise. This isn’t testing you enough,” Dimitri shouted.
As if on cue, Patti from Cai and Liora’s pack vomited and her knees buckled. Goldwyn was immediately at her side, holding her limp body.
Dimitri actually grinned—a viper’s smile. “So, have we our first quitter then?”
“Give her a chance,” Cecile called quietly.
Dimitri glared at the female, his expression murderous.
Silence fell over the recruits as Goldwyn muttered something to Patti. She wasn’t exactly the friendliest recruit, but she was like me. A human in a fae world. I wanted her to get back up. To survive this with me.
Can you hear what they’re saying? I asked Frazer.
No. They’re whispering.
Fae hearing had its limits then.
We didn’t have to wait long for a verdict. Goldwyn nodded sadly to Cecile, who was the smallest of the mentors. If the rumors were true, she was also Goldwyn’s partner. Cecile turned to the recruits to confirm. “Patti from the White Tigers is now the first recruit to fail this course.”
Whispers spread through the recruits like lightning, many of them tinged with relief. I couldn’t blame them. Not really.
Cecile carried on. “We can now enter the next phase. This will involve you heading out into the forest as a pack.” She gestured to the hills. “You’ll follow a trail led by your mentor. After the first pass, they’ll leave you to run a loop. No stops again. Not until someone quits.” She’d spoken softly, but somehow her words carried.
I bit my lip. I’d never been outside the confines of the camp—it hadn’t seemed safe for a human. Now, along with the rest of the class, my head lifted to survey the area. Before us was a stretch of sweet-smelling grass, dusted with weeds and wildflowers alike, and undulating in a gentle breeze. The meadow’s dominance continued until the terrain steepened into hillsides thick with forest. In the west, a fast-flowing river surged down from this highland, marking a clear boundary line between the prairie and the labyrinth of trees. The task ahead was starting to look impossible.
Goldwyn rose with Patti in her arms. The girl had her eyes closed—maybe from shame, maybe from having passed out.
Dimitri added in a high, cold voice, “Since Goldwyn’s pack has lost a recruit, she’ll be the first to lead her recruits into the forest.”
“Of course.” Goldwyn inclined her head toward Dimitri. It looked more like an insult than anything. “But I need to take Patti to the infirmary and notify Bert. I guess you’ll have to wait for me to return.” With a sweet, sweet smile, she yelled, “Recruits, take a breather.”
There were a few strangled cheers, but most of the trainees just collapsed to the ground like dead weights. Goldwyn flew off, and suddenly Frazer was at my side, speaking through our bond: our twin mirrors. You should sit down.
I’m not sure I’d get back up.
Tears threatened. I whirled away to put a little distance between us. He didn’t follow, but there was a tentative touch at the edge of my thoughts. Almost as if he was patting my back, showing comfort the only way he knew how. I wasn’t sure what to make of it.
I folded my arms and considered what was in front of me. A steep hillside and a forest. All I had to do was keep walking to pass. Yet my frozen, filthy, exhausted husk of a body screamed one simple truth at me: I wasn’t going to survive this much longer. I was being held together by fraying stitches. Panic played its faithful tune.
Frazer tugged at our bond. Hold onto this then.
I turned to find him staring. That was the second time he’d sensed something I hadn’t wanted to share. So apparently, I’ve got no mental discipline but you do. Can’t you tune me out?
Frazer must’ve sensed the snap of irritation in my thoughts because his face clouded over.
I didn’t ask for this. Besides, I can’t hear everything. At least, I don’t think I can. You might just be losing focus when your emotions are particularly intense.
Auntie had said very much the same thing.
How did you learn to shield? Could you teach me?
He stiffened. For a moment, I thought he wouldn’t reply, but then he was saying in a dry wit, I had an annoyingly persistent teacher who made me practice. A lot. But our connection—being able to hear and talk to you despite having my shields up—is something I’ve never encountered. I’ve no notion of how to control it. I don’t even know if visualizing a mental barrier would work with you. You seem very … expressive.
I felt a shiver of unease. I’d just have to build that wall. I imagined black stone encircling my mind.
Keep practicing.
I sent a rippling snarl his way and got a whisper of a laughter for my trouble. It was hollow and rasping, as if his voice had forgotten how. Gods, what had made him choose to live like that? Losing his wings?
My musings were cut short by the return of Goldwyn. The mentors called for us to follow them, and we trudged past the obstacle course to come to rest in the middle of the grassland. If I hadn’t been half out of my mind with fatigue and pain, I might’ve appreciated the space and beauty.
Once the recruits had gathered, the instructors spoke among themselves until Goldwyn broke away and spoke. “I want my pack behind me, ready to set off at my command.”
I spotted Cai and Liora going to join her, and sent out a prayer to the light court for them to make it through.
Wilder waved us over. “Bats, we’re going next. Gather up.”
I limped over and settled alongside Wilder. Almost instantly, he barked out a one-word command: “Stay,” and whirled away. He left us and muttered something to Goldwyn. She gave him a quick flash of her bright teeth in response. Something dark and vicious woke in my chest and roared at her.
I blinked. Maybe Wilder had been right—I was a savage. Berating myself, I strived to soothe the beast. It wasn’t easy: Goldwyn’s perfect fae features taunted me. My hands curled into fists, and my nails itched to become claws.
A rumble of distant laughter echoed down the thread connecting me to Frazer. Protecting my thoughts behind a wall of black stone failed spectacularly. He saw right through me. You should rethink your affections, Matea. Humans often find us cold because we’re known to withhold affection for years until we’re sure of someone. It’s one of the reasons relations between our two peoples is so fraught with difficulty.
What happens when you are sure?
Depends on the fae. We’ll either shut you out or grip you tight and never let you go.
My heart stuttered.
You need to keep a clear head. Think of nothing but survival.
As if I didn’t already know that? I strived to harden my nonexistent defenses against him.
Goldwyn cried to her recruits, “Move out!”
I watched their progress. They veered left, heading toward the river and the trees. We waited maybe five minutes, perhaps more.
Wilder called our pack forward as the White Tigers reached the forest. “Stick together, but don’t feel like you’re glued at the hip.” It was his only advice before he led us onto the loop at a swift pace.