“Why would I do that?” he asked, his teeth flashing.
He looked like he wanted to spit fire. But in his eyes, there was something so familiar, that words came tumbling out. “Because if there is someone else out there for me, then there’s a chance I’d reject you. You’re scared.”
Given the shock and hurt riding his face, I knew I was right. Guilt washed through me. “Wilder …” I began.
I choked up as he turned vicious and snarled, “I’ll take the sofa. You can have the bed. Just get out of my sight.”
A ringing started in my ears. An alarm—a fall was imminent. Spinning, I somehow found my way into the bedroom. Closing the door, shutting out the light, I felt for the bed and slid in between icy sheets. How had this happened? Last night we’d been curled up in a canopy, and the day before that, his fingers and tongue had been between my legs. Now, I slept alone.
Grief broke down the dam inside my mind. Ripping, clawing, sweeping me away. I grabbed a pillow and pressed my face into its folds, desperately trying to smother the tears and rasping sobs. I wanted to go to him, to apologize, but—
Get out of my sight.
Exhaustion soon stopped the salty water from spilling. And the tide pulled back, the emotional weight breaking me and leaving behind a husk.
I hoped the rift between us might mend once the heat from our words had faded. Sadly, I was mistaken. Time crawled by and a frostiness stuck, separating us, poisoning the air. I berated myself over and over again; I should’ve learned by now that the heart rarely healed as quickly or as easily as the body.
Ignored and confined, I sought distraction—chiefly training and reading. Obvious choices, given the plethora of weapons and books surrounding me. Neither activity held my attention, and I’d always abandon it halfway through. Even my sessions with Goldwyn had been cancelled. All to protect me.
Finally, after a five-day wait, a sentry came with news that Adrianna and Frazer had been spotted returning.
Despite desperate pleas to go see them, Wilder convinced me to stay put while he went to greet them. I was left alone to pound the lounge floorboards, waiting.
The door lock clicked. I ran to embrace whoever appeared first.
It was Frazer.
He caught me in a crushing hug, and the festering ache in my chest eased a tad. Good to see you, siska.
He pulled away quickly, but the bond echoed palpable relief; something far more valuable to me than any words.
Adrianna stepped out from behind him, and I pounced. She stiffened at the embrace and patted my back awkwardly.
Hm. I’d forgotten that I’d never seen her hug anyone. I drew back and scanned them both. They must’ve just got back—their bags and weapons were still strapped to them. “Did everything go okay?”
Adrianna closed the door and turned to me to say, “Of course.”
I smiled for the first time in days.
Frazer dropped his bag and said, “Wilder caught us as we were landing. He’s told us to stay here with you.”
Seething quietly, I said, “Well, at least I’ll have company in my new prison.”
Adrianna’s eyes sharpened. “Prison? Haven’t you had fun locked up here with—”
She halted mid-sentence, studying my face. The rush of energy that’d sparked to life at their arrival had dulled, flickered, and died. Clearly, I didn’t wear the bitterness or rage lightly. It made me spiky. “He hasn’t touched me.”
Frazer walked past me and I noticed a faint pinkness coloring his hollow cheeks. He started snooping, scouting the area.
Something told me he didn’t want to hear about his sister’s sexual frustrations.
A grumbling rang back through the thread. You’re not wrong.
Adrianna waited until Frazer had disappeared into the bedroom to ask, “What happened between you two?”
My eyes reluctantly shifted to hers. “He decided that we shouldn’t be together.”
“Ah.” Adrianna’s lips thinned, and she asked, “Did he say why?”
“He reckons it’ll make us more vulnerable, but I think it’s just because he doesn’t believe he’s my mate—thanks to Maggie’s prophecy. So he wants to wait until I understand what it means to love him.”
I almost spat out the last part.
“Well, it all sounds very sensible,” she said mildly.
A sad chuckle whispered out of me. “Yes. Very sensible.”
Adrianna’s face lit with a sage smile. “But you don’t want that, and you hate that he’s the one who decided, and that he’s shut you down so quickly.”
My brows lifted. “Where did that come from?”
A little careless shrug. “I’m only thirty, and there aren’t many faelings in our society. The males that are young tend to only be interested in fucking and fighting. Sadly, more is expected of me.”
A rasping laugh tickled the back of my throat.
Adrianna continued. “So every fae I’ve liked has been an elder. The older the fae, the more cautious they are. It’s why I’ve never had sex,” she admitted baldly.
I tried to smother a wink of surprise. “And you haven’t considered being with a human?”
Adrianna angled her head in a careful, guarded move. “Actually, no, I haven’t,” she said, frowning. “I didn’t want the complications that came with taking a human lover. Why, did you have someone in mind?”
I spoke much too quickly. “No. Just interested.”
Adrianna made an uh-hu noise. Poor Cai.
A distraction came in the form of Frazer, who’d returned from scouting and was now staring out the bay window. “What are you doing?” I called to him.
“Just checking.”
Adrianna left my side to walk over to him. “So, this is the enchanted glass?” she asked, brushing a fingertip along the window pane.
“Mm.”
Adrianna looked over her shoulder. “Wilder mentioned that Hilda’s summoned the instructors. They should be gone most of the day.”
I smiled faintly and walked over to rest by their sides. “Who d’you want to steal from?”
“Cecile,” Adrianna answered. “I’ve already tried the doors in the hall, but only Goldwyn’s was open.”
“Wilder told me that the doors are warded with a phrase. I couldn’t hear what it was though.”
Nodding distantly, she propped her bag and archery gear against the wall.
Frazer was the one to question her. “If you can’t see the rooms from the outside, how d’you propose to find her window?”
Adrianna moved to sit on the windowsill. “Cecile’s room will probably be next to Goldwyn’s. As far the spell goes, I’m hoping because I’ve seen these windows, I’ll be able to visualize them. That’s sometimes enough to break through glamours.”
“The key word being sometimes,” Frazer said with a raised brow.
Adrianna fumbled with the latch. “Won’t know until I try. Just look after my bag—it has the feather in it.” Glancing up and down the path outside, she pushed the window open and climbed through. Once outside, she waited just long enough to say, “Don’t go anywhere—I’ll need you to let me back in.”
“I won’t,” I said and closed the window.
I watched her disappear, but Frazer’s stare pulled my focus. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
My reply was short, distant. “It’s nothing. I just feel … drained.”
“Because?” Frazer pressed, steel ringing in his voice.
He wouldn’t let this go.
I mustered a shrug and tried to divert the conversation. “Why don’t you tell me how you killed the navvi? Or how Adi got the phoenix feather?”
He scowled, obviously seeing right through me. “There’s nothing to tell. I chopped off its head and took its shape-shifting hide for proof, and Adrianna flew around for days looking for a nest. Telling stories doesn’t interest me. What does concern me is why our bond feels so weak.” He landed a swift poke to my chest—the place our thread connected. “You were bursting with energy a few days ago, and now you feel like a ghost. Why?”
That last word rang with a silent demand.
I leaned against the windowsill, resting my head against the cool glass. My words were a whisper. “I can’t handle this.”