Given what had happened, that still didn’t seem fair. “Didn’t you show Hilda the stitches on your wing?”
He rubbed his neck, grimacing. “Of course. She thought about sending trackers after Tysion to get some answers. But so many of them are spies for Morgan, it’d be pointless.”
Resigning myself to that fact, I said, “So, what now?”
He unbuckled his weapon’s belt, dropped it to the floor, and slipped into the chair next to me. “We watch our backs and get you through the seventh trial.”
If only it was that easy.
A nagging worry got me to add, “Someone came by here earlier, knocking. D’you think it was Dimitri?”
Wilder’s back straightened. “What time was this?”
“No idea—it was already dark outside.”
“The only instructor that left Hilda’s early was Cecile,” Wilder said, stroking his stubble. “But she would’ve known that I wasn’t here.” He sucked on his teeth and continued. “She’s an excellent tracker, so she might’ve caught your scent from outside. I can’t think why she’d need to talk though—”
I jumped in, hopeful. “Maybe she wanted to tell me that Cai and Liora are back.”
Wilder shook his head distantly. “They’re not—I checked.” My disappointment might’ve shown because he said, “They’ll be fine. They’ve still got plenty of time to return.”
A sour tone colored my next words. “What do I do until then? Stay locked up here?”
The muscles in his back and shoulders steeled further, and a grating sound filled the air as his wings shifted against fabric. Shifting into that Sabu Warrior skin, Wilder’s voice deepened. “I’m trying to keep you safe, Serena.”
Maybe. But it felt like another cage. And I’d had enough of those.
Gloom burrowed in.
Wilder offered me a flattened palm. I stared at it, resentful and sullen.
Don’t play the child, Auntie grumbled.
I relented and let him pull me onto his lap. He entwined his fingers with mine and I brushed against the hard callouses on his palm with my thumb. Meanwhile, his other hand made great sweeping lines on my back. Massaging, comforting.
“Help me take my armor off?”
He gestured to his vambraces and shoulder guards with our encircled hands.
Silently, I found the loops holding the metal together. Wilder wouldn’t stop staring at me as I removed piece after piece of armor and put it aside on the rug. Once the last section hit the floor, he said, “I don’t want you sleeping alone; is that so wrong?”
My heart and lungs stopped working as I watched his expression in the sand and sanguine light. “When you say, you don’t want me sleeping alone …”
A flush of warmth traveled down my spine, hitting my core.
Wilder smiled ruefully. “I didn’t mean we should sleep in the same bed.”
There was no dismissiveness there. Just uncertainty. My stomach rolled and clenched as I summoned the strength to say, “I wouldn’t mind sharing a bed with you.”
He sucked in air with a tiny gasp. Some primal part of me glowed at that. Then, his muscles tensed. “Serena.”
Oh, shit.
“I know I’ve been distant with you.”
No kidding.
Wilder’s hands slipped to brace my hips. “That was wrong of me, but I needed to sort things through. And the truth is that I meant what I said about us taking our time to be sure of each other.” He continued with a lowered gaze and a grimace. “Back in that cave it was easy to forget what was facing us, and who you are. Partially, because I was so relieved that you were going to become a fae.”
I balked at that. Almost unleashing on him.
“I’ve lived long enough to see many of the humans I’ve cared for die. Wanting you, wanting this, meant having to accept and endure your death. Not to mention the danger I’d be putting you in. I was ready to take that on. By the time we’d set out for Attia, I was ready. And I’m a selfish bastard for it.”
I slumped against him to stop from swaying.
“So when you told me about your heritage and being fae, it felt like the solution to all the obstacles facing us.”
My thoughts raced. “But now?” I asked in an off-handed sort of way.
Dark green eyes bored into mine, intense and grim. “Now, there’s a whole new set of obstacles.”
We stayed frozen in each other’s arms. I caved first. Although, every word cost me dearly. “It seems like you only started having these doubts when I told you how I feel.”
I felt sick waiting for the reply to form on that sculpted mouth of his.
Wilder pushed the hair from his eyes. An exasperated gesture. “Look, you’re still human. We don’t know what things will be like when you’re fae, or if you’ll even still feel the same way—”
Oh gods, enough.
I wrenched myself from his grasp and stood. Anything to get some space, some distance from that black pit yawning wide beneath my feet. Wilder was at its center. But the stubborn bastard was up and blocking me before I got two paces. “Don’t show your back to me.”
An inner shield slammed up and instinct took over. I slipped into a cool, detached skin. A woman who didn’t care, who didn’t feel the sting of rejection. “I’m showing my back because I have nothing to say to you.”
And just like that I whipped past him. I’d no idea how, I just moved. Like ice cascading down a mountain. Of course, I didn’t get far before he’d wrapped me in an embrace and pulled my back against his front. He held me hard and fast, his grip chaining me to the earth. “Listen,” he hissed, his words hot upon my neck. “If war is coming, then admitting and claiming love for each other makes us both vulnerable. It could destroy us—” He broke off with a sigh and slumped against me slightly.
I almost saw myself turning, pulling him to me, kissing that beautiful full mouth. I resisted. Because this time … This time I knew he’d stop me.
He murmured into my nape. “Serena, if she gets her hands on you or me, she’ll use whatever emotions she can to manipulate us. And even if we defeat Morgan, then you’ll be the heir to a court, or at the very least a princess. You can’t be with a disgraced Warrior who killed sprites and fae in that evil bitch’s name. We can be friends and lovers and much else besides, but to love … that’s different.”
I jerked away, but he kept ahold of my forearm. As if he couldn’t let go. I faced him. Anger along with desire smoldered low in my gut. “You do not get to decide that for both of us, Wilder. For gods’ sakes, everything you’re talking about is probably years away, and a hundred things can happen between then and now to—”
“My soul isn’t dying.”
I blinked. What?
“Maggie’s prophecy,” he forced out. “You told me about it, remember? Your mate’s soul is dying, in darkness—that’s not me, Serena.”
“So?” I couldn’t think what else to say.
His hand dropped. Almost recoiling from me. “So, you have someone else out there, waiting for you. There’s already a claim on your heart. And even if there is love here …” He swallowed hard, clenching his jaw. “You’d choose him. Everyone does. The mating bond is too strong. And until you understand that, and understand what loving me really means, and what sacrifices and compromises it might force you to make, we shouldn’t be together.”
Finally, he’d said the words. Maybe he’d been desperate to say them ever since my confession. Perhaps I’d just imagined something deeper, something … more.
I huffed a cold, flat laugh. I was beyond caring at this point. “Let me be clear on this. You’re fine with us being friends and having sex, but we can’t love each other because of a male I’ve never met? A fae that might not even be alive? Or because Morgan might capture us? You’re a coward.”
The color leeched from his skin as he hissed through his teeth. “What did you just say?”
A festering wound had been ripped open before my eyes. I’d bitten too deep, gone too far. I should apologize. Instead, I snapped, “You’re a coward. You don’t even know for sure that we’re not mates. Things could change or click into place later, and you’re not giving it a chance. You’re just using a prophecy that makes no sense to put distance between us.”