I spoke just as sharply. “Look, the truth is, Frazer wants to go with me. So you don’t have to take this on. I’m not your responsibility.”
His expression hardened to seem primal and ferocious. “Yes. You. Are.”
I blinked at the intensity there. He looked sick—morose, as he stared down into his nearly empty glass. My heart dropped with a mighty whoosh. Of course. I probably reminded him of those he’d failed to protect under Morgan. I said the only thing I could think of. “You didn’t make me attracted to you.” I sounded sad. Quiet.
“True,” he began, so softly worded. “But if you travel on foot, you’ll be trackable and open to attack. And I understand why he wants to go with you, but you’d be safer in the air, with me.”
I bit back a retort. Because he was right. That didn’t make it easier to swallow. This wasn’t what I wanted: for him to view me as some onerous duty. “So, how does that work? Do we just stroll out of camp together?”
“No,” he said blandly. “We’ll meet somewhere outside of Kasi. How much exactly d’you know about the trial?”
My tongue flicked over my lips, wetting them. Wilder followed the action, making me even more nervous. “We have to bring back an object or a creature of power, something worthy of a quest.”
An incredulous laugh reverberated in his chest. He set his glass on the tray that rested between us. “Yes, that’s right. And it lasts for fourteen days. Have you chosen something?”
I nodded.
Our pack had already deliberated which item we’d each retrieve, making the decisions based on distance and individual strengths. Cai had chosen the golden claw of the tiger, Liora had claimed the dragon’s fire, which turned out to be far less terrifying than expected; remnants of the dragon’s magic could be found in glass cliffs they’d melted and molded eons ago. Adrianna had gone for the phoenix feather, and Frazer had insisted on helping me retrieve the deadly nightshade, while also completing his own quest. He’d planned on bringing back the hide of a navvi sprite: a rare, shape-shifting creature.
He’d chosen that sprite because its hunting grounds lay in the Barsul Pass, near to where the nightshade grew. But if Wilder took Frazer’s place, I’d no idea what his reaction would be. I tried to see the upside—at least it’d give him more time to hunt. He’d be safer. But this was Frazer; he wouldn’t accept those reasons.
Ugh. I was screwed.
“Serena?” Wilder prompted.
My reply was flat. “I’m bringing back the sap of the nightshade plant.”
Wilder looked taken aback, but his voice remained neutral. “D’you know where it grows?”
“North, in the Attia Forest, near the Barsul Pass.”
I thought he might ask more questions, but he just said, “Okay. In three days, at dawn, head out the back gate and into the forest. Don’t go far, and don’t go alone. Walk with someone from your pack. I’ll meet you out there and fly us north.”
“How long to get there and back?”
“That all depends on how much time it takes to get the nightshade. What I really want to know is what you plan on doing after the seventh trial.” Such a careful question.
My mouth went bone-dry at the sight of him pushing the tray aside in one smooth movement. Nothing was between us now. Every muscle locked. I didn’t know what to do with my face, my body, my hands. “What d’you mean?”
A slight crease etched his brow, and his scars tightened as he answered. “There’s a chance that because of me, you won’t just have Riverland trackers who deal with deserters on your tail; you’ll have spiders. If that happens, you’ll need more protection.”
I shouldn’t tell him, but I was speaking before I could stop myself. “I’ll have my pack.”
Wilder was suddenly there on his knees, pulling my chin gently toward him so our eyes met. His stare was blistering, demanding, and my chest caught fire. “Are you saying they’re all going with you? Even Adrianna?”
I kept my mouth closed. I’d already said too much.
He dropped my chin and rocked back onto his heels. Wilder went on, using dry, amused tones. “I see. Since your whole pack’s going into hiding with you, can I assume you’ve got a plan and a destination in mind? Because I’d like to know where I’m fleeing to. Before I arrive.”
I blinked. Wait … What?
“Didn’t you realize that I’d included myself in your escape plan?”
There, a twitch of his lips that had my heart expanding until it was too big for my chest. Until it hurt and ached with all the right emotions. “Why? Why would you do that?”
“I can’t stay here. Not anymore. Dimitri might be a bloated ball sack, but it’d be stupid to underestimate him. It won’t be long before he moves against me.”
A simple enough explanation, and not what I’d hoped.
His eyes tracked my every movement as I brought the half-filled glass to my lips and took two long gulps, draining it dry. Warmth coated my tongue and throat, setting a fire in my chest and belly. It was kindling to my soul, giving me courage. I put the glass down next to me, suddenly in a daring mood. “You don’t have to come with us in order to leave.”
His brows knitted together. “No, but—”
My voice was hoarse. “You could leave after you’ve flown me back from the sixth trial. You’d certainly be safer without us slowing you down.”
Wilder interrupted my rambling. “Maybe, but there’s strength in numbers.”
And that was it. He just watched me. I tried for a joke. “Are you sure this isn’t just an excuse for you to run away with me?”
Deathly. Painful. Silence.
I shut my eyes, shielding myself from his grim face, praying for the world to swallow me whole. It hadn’t been funny, but come on …
The silence went on and on. I opened my eyes to say, “I’ve already told you that this isn’t your fault. I don’t want you to see me as some rutting burden.”
A muscle feathered in his cheek. “How many times do I have to say it? I only left you alone to protect you from fae like Morgan and Dimitri. And I failed. So there’s no reason for me to keep up the fucking pretense anymore, is there? And maybe I wasn’t clear.” Stars, he looked pissed. “Let me be now—I’m not just going because this is partially my fault. I want to go so that we’re not separated.”
That, there, liquified my insides. I floated up to my knees so that we were at eye level, and let my hand drift to the line of his jaw. Just a fingertip. His body tensed at my touch, but he didn’t move away. So I let my other flattened palm rise to his chest, to settle against him: a warm, solid male.
I waited for the inevitable squirm of embarrassment, but it never came.
“Wilder …”
Suddenly, I felt something snap and give way within him. Frustration drained from his body and face; his light eyes glazed over. Dipping his head, moving his mouth to my fingertip, he rumbled a throaty purr, “Serena.”
My thoughts scattered. Like being hit over the head with a rock. He moved a little closer. Wisps of hot breath caressed my cheek; he smelled like the braka, and I breathed in coconut and caramel and wanted to taste it—to taste him.
His hands, large and rough, braced my hips. Pinning me in place. Such a careful move. As if not sure whether to pull me in or push me away. Then, finally, he leaned forward, and the length of his nose slid down mine until we were touching foreheads.
I was about to combust. My hand on his chest curled into a fist, grasping his leathers, while the other roamed, slipping into his hair. The wanting—the longing—pounded against my insides, thrummed against my core.
A breathless, jagged sound punched out of him. “We have to take this slow. I’m fae, and you’re human. I—We need to come to terms with what that means. We’re destined to lose each other.”
The catch in his throat made me breathe him in. I wanted to confess to my heritage, but my body sang, Not yet, not yet, not yet.
“I’m serious.” He looked out from a lowered brow.
No doubt.