Bai Xiaochun needed no prompting from Big Fatty Zhang. He immediately took a bite and swallowed it down. The tangy flavor filled him with a wonderful sensation. After that, Big Fatty Zhang produced an incredibly sweet red spirit fruit.
More items emerged. Magical mushrooms, various medicinal ingredients, spirit fruits and other precious items. Bai Xiaochun partook of them all, as did the other fatties. He ate so much that soon, his head was spinning. He almost felt drunk, his body hot and burning to the point where white steam rose up from the top of his head. He already felt as fat as a ball.
The more he ate, the more kindly Big Fatty Zhang and the others looked at him. In the end, they slapped their stomachs and laughed heartily, and they all truly seemed like partners in crime.
Head swimming, Bai Xiaochun stretched out his arms and legs. His hand landed on Big Fatty Zhang’s giant stomach, and his foot landed off to the side. He began to laugh along with the others.
“Other servant departments would kill to get one of their own into the Outer Sect. But we kill to make sure we stay out! Who wants to go there anyway? What’s so good about the Outer Sect, huh?” Big Fatty Zhang sounded very proud of this. As he finished speaking, he pulled out a ginseng root. The root itself had countless faintly visible age rings, and was covered with numerous rootlets. Clearly, this ginseng root was very old.
“Ninth Junior Brother, our cultivation bases are all strong enough that we could have become Outer Sect disciples a long time ago. However, we prefer to hide our true level. Look, there are Outer Sect disciples who would kill for the chance to get a single bite of a one-hundred-year-old ginseng root like this. Do we look scared?” Big Fatty Zhang subsequently plucked a rootlet off and popped it into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. Then he handed the ginseng root to Bai Xiaochun.
Bai Xiaochun was so stuffed he almost couldn’t see straight. “Elder Brother, I’m full…. I really can’t eat another bite–”
Before he could even finish speaking, Big Fatty Zhang plucked off a rootlet and stuffed it into his mouth.
“Ninth Junior Brother, you’re far too skinny, so skinny that the girls in the sect won’t like you. In our sect, they like guys like us Brothers, stalwart and plump! Come on, eat….” Big Fatty Zhang let out a huge burp. Then he picked up a stack of empty bowls, simultaneously pointing to two scrolls hanging on either side of the nearby thatched hut, upon which was written a couplet. “Look, we have a saying here that goes I’d rather starve to death in the Ovens than struggle up the ladder in the Outer Sect.”
Bai Xiaochun looked over at the couplet and said, “Yeah, for sure! We all want to starve to death here! Uh… yeah, starve to death.”
Then he slapped his stomach and let out a burp.
Hearing this, Big Fatty Zhang and the others all started laughing. They all were finding Bai Xiaochun to be increasingly charming.
“Today is a great day,” Big Fatty Zhang said. “Ninth Junior Brother, I have something important to tell you. We have certain ways of doing things here in the Ovens, and to fit in, you need to memorize a certain mnemonic. Pay attention. Fruits and herbs of a magical nature; Nibble the edges but spare the stem; Slice the meat thin when there’s some to butcher; As for the bones leave some flesh on them; Spirit congee? Water it down until it’s thin; Fine wine? Half a cup will do you in. 1
“These six lines were compiled after years of suffering by previous generations. If you go about eating following these principles, then you’re guaranteed to be safe. Alright, let’s call it a night. Head to sleep everyone, today’s midnight snack is over. The Outer Sect disciples are still waiting for their soup.” As he spoke, Big Fatty Zhang began to fill the empty bowls with rice gruel.
Bai Xiaochun’s head was spinning, and he couldn’t stop thinking about the six lines of truth he had just been told. He looked over at Big Fatty Zhang and the others filling up the bowls, let out a burp, then squatted down to examine the bowls themselves. Then, his mouth turned up into a smile.
“Elder Brothers, these bowls are too nice.”
Big Fatty Zhang and the others looked back at him with strange expressions.
Looking as charming as ever, he chuckled and said, “At first glance, they don’t look very big, but can actually hold a lot of food. Why don’t we make them look big, but hold less food? For example, we could make the bottom of the bowls… thicker!”
Big Fatty Zhang stared in shock, as though he had just been struck by lightning. His rolls of fat then began to quiver, and his eyes began to shine brightly. The other fatties began to pant, and their fat also began to tremble.
All of a sudden a loud smacking sound rang out as Big Fatty Zhang slapped his thigh. Then he threw his head back and laughed uproariously.
“Yes, yes, YES! That’s an idea worth passing down! Future generations in the Ovens will all benefit from this! Ninth Junior Brother, I never imagined that someone as charming as you would actually be as crafty as this! Hahaha! You were born to be a part of the Ovens!”
1. Thanks to anonpuffs for helping out with these six lines. We managed to carry across the meaning of the original Chinese, and also maintain the rhyme scheme of A, B, A, B, C, C!
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Chapter
4: Spirit Enhancemen
Chapter 4: Spirit Enhancement
Everyone was in a wonderful mood, and were extremely pleased with Bai Xiaochun. Not only was he very charming, he seemed to have lots of crafty ideas. Big Fatty Zhang decided that a reward was in order, and pressed a grain of spirit rice into Bai Xiaochun’s hand.
Bai Xiaochun laughed happily as he staggered back to his room. Before he could climb in bed, all of the spiritual energy he had absorbed by eating the various precious materials suddenly burst out inside of him. His head spun, and he flopped face-first down onto the ground, where he immediately began snoring.
He slept wonderfully for the entire night. The following morning at dawn, when he opened his eyes, they shone brightly. He looked down to find that he was fatter than the day before. Furthermore, his skin was covered in a sticky layer of filth. When he hurried out to wash up, Big Fatty Zhang and the others were preparing breakfast for the sect disciples. When they saw Bai Xiaochun’s bedraggled appearance, they started laughing.
“Ninth Junior Brother, all that filth comes from the impurities in your body. Once you get rid of it, it will be much easier for you to practice cultivation. Take a few days off, we won’t need your help anyway. In a few days you can start working again.”
“Don’t forget about that grain of spirit rice! Eat it up quickly before it goes bad.”
“Sure thing,” Bai Xiaochun replied. Feeling quite energetic, he returned to his room and grabbed the turtle-shaped wok off of the stove. After filling it with water from the washroom, he returned and put it back on the stove. Then he pulled out the grain of spirit rice to examine it. It was about the size of his thumb, crystalline in appearance, and fragrantly aromatic.
“If Immortals eat this stuff, then it must be incredible.” Sighing, he threw a few pieces of wood into the stove, then lit the fire. He was immediately hit by a blast of heat, which caused him to back up, blinking anxiously. Then he looked down at the fire and clicked his tongue.
“That’s no ordinary fire. It lights faster and also burns a lot hotter than the fire in the village.” Taking another look at the burning logs in the fire, he realized that they were not ordinary pieces of wood.
About this time, the fire began to burn even hotter than before, and Bai Xiaochun watched in amazement as one of the designs etched into the back of the turtle shell wok began to light up, starting at what appeared to be the tail of the turtle shell and ending where the head would be. Soon, the entire design was shining brightly.