Eventually, everything turned into a blur. When everything finally became clear again, he realized that they had landed just outside of a building. He stood there, legs trembling, looking around at a scene that was very different from what he was used to back at the village.
Towering up in front of the building was a huge stone, upon which three characters were written in flamboyant calligraphy.
Department of Servant Affairs.
Sitting next to the stone was a pock-faced woman. As soon as she caught sight of Li Qinghou, she rose to her feet and clasped hands in greeting.
“Send this kid to the Ovens,” Li Qinghou said. Without another word, and paying no further heed to Bai Xiaochun, he then transformed into a beam of light that shot off into the distance.
When the pock-faced woman heard him mention the Ovens, she stared in shock. She looked Bai Xiaochun over, then handed him a bag which contained a servant’s uniform and other items. Face expressionless, led him away from the building toward a nearby path, simultaneously explaining some of the basic sect rules and customs. The path was paved with green limestone, and wound through numerous buildings and courtyards. The fragrant aroma of plants and flowers filled the air, and the entire place seemed like a celestial paradise. As he looked around, Bai Xiaochun’s heart began to thump with excitement, and his previous nervousness and anxiety began to fade.
“This place is awesome,” he thought. “It’s way better than the village!” His eyes shone with anticipation as he followed the woman along. The scenery only continued to get more and more spectacular. He even saw some beautiful women along the way, which instantly caused his heart to surge with delight.
Soon, Bai Xiaochun got even more excited. That was because he caught sight of what appeared to be their destination; at the end of the path was a seven-story building that sparkled like crystal. There were even celestial cranes soaring in the air above it.
“Are we there yet, Elder Sister?” Bai Xiaochun asked excitedly.
“Yes,” she replied coolly, her face as expressionless as ever. She pointed to a small path off to the side. “That’s where we’re going.”
Bai Xiaochun looked in the direction she was pointing, heart bursting with anticipation. But then, his entire body went stiff, and he rubbed his eyes. He looked again, a bit more closely, and saw a gravel path lined by haphazardly-constructed thatch-roofed huts that looked like they might disintegrate at any moment. A strange aroma wafted out from the area.
Bai Xiaochun wanted to cry, but no tears would come. Still clinging to a scrap of hope, he asked the pock-faced woman another question.
“Elder Sister, did you point in the wrong direction just now?”
“Nope,” she replied coolly, stepping onto the gravel path. When Bai Xiaochun heard her response, all of the beauty of the place seemed to disappear. A bitter expression appeared on his face as he continued to follow her.
Before long, he caught sight of the end of the decrepit path, where he saw several huge black woks running around. After a moment, he realized that the woks were actually attached to the backs of several incredibly fat men. These men were so obese that it seemed like squeezing them would cause pure fat to ooze out. One of the men was even fatter than the others, so fat that he looked like a mountain of flesh. Bai Xiaochun was even worried that the man might explode from being so fat. 1
The entire area was filled with hundreds of huge cooking woks, within which fat men were boiling rice.
Sensing that someone had approached, the men looked up and saw the pock-faced woman. The fattest of the men, the one who looked like a mountain of flesh, hefted his ladle and hurried over. The ground trembled as he walked, and his fat bounced and jiggled in a way that made Bai Xiaochun stare in shock. Without even thinking about it, he began to feel around for an axe.
“The magpies were singing especially beautiful songs this morning, and now I know why,” the mountain of flesh cried out as he ran over. His eyes flickered with a lustful gleam. “It was all because you were coming, big sis. Could it be that you’ve changed your mind? You finally realized how talented I am, and want to take advantage of this auspicious day to formally become my beloved partner?”
The pock-faced woman looked at the mountain of flesh with both disgust and anger.
“I’m just here to deliver this kid to the Ovens,” she said. “Task accomplished. I’ll take my leave now!” Then she hurried off.
Bai Xiaochun gasped. He had taken the time to check out the woman on their way here, and she really looked like a freak. He couldn’t help but wonder what kind of taste this fat man had. Apparently even someone with a face like hers got him all hot and bothered.
Before Bai Xiaochun could consider the matter any more, the mountain of flesh was suddenly standing in front of him, panting a bit. The man was so huge that Bai Xiaochun found himself completely covered by his shadow.
Bai Xiaochun looked up at the enormous man and his quivering rolls of flesh, and swallowed hard. This was actually his first time ever seeing someone so fat.
The mountain of flesh glanced resentfully at the pock-faced woman, who was making her way back up the gravel path, then looked back at Bai Xiaochun.
“Well well, we have a newcomer. We’d left a spot open for Xu Baocai to join, so this complicates matters.”
Bai Xiaochun felt nervous just looking at the man’s huge frame, and subconsciously took a few steps back. “Elder Brother, I am your humble… er, humble servant Bai Xiaochun….”
“Bai Xiaochun? Hmm…. White skin, slender and dainty. You look pretty innocent. Excellent, excellent. Your name really fits my taste.” The mountain of flesh looked him over, then clapped Bai Xiaochun on the shoulder, which very nearly sent Bai Xiaochun flying off to the side.
“Uh, what’s your name, Elder Brother?” Bai Xiaochun took a deep breath and looked up thoughtfully as he prepared to make fun of the man’s name.
The mountain of flesh chuckled and slapped his chest, causing the fat to ripple back and forth. “I’m Big Fatty Zhang. That’s Second Fatty Huang, and that’s Third Fatty Hei…”
As soon as Bai Xiaochun heard these incredibly stirring names, he abandoned any plans to make fun of them.
“As for you,” Big Fatty Zhang continued, “from now on, you’ll be Ninth Fatty Bai! Er…. Wait a second, Junior Brother. You’re way too skinny! If you go around looking like that, you’ll lose face for the Ovens! Well, I guess that doesn’t matter for now. Don’t worry. After a few years, you’ll get fat too. Then we’ll call you Ninth Fatty Bai.”
When Bai Xiaochun heard the nickname Ninth Fatty Bai, he grimaced.
“Well, since you’re already our Ninth Junior Brother, you don’t count as an outsider any more. Here in the Ovens, we have a long-standing tradition of carrying woks on our backs. See this wok here on my back?” He slapped the wok and continued boastfully: “It’s the king of woks, forged from the highest quality iron and engraved with an Earth Flame spell formation. When you use this wok to cook up spirit rice, the flavor is far, far better than the rice cooked in any other wok. By the way, you’ll have to choose a wok to carry on your back, too. Then you’ll look really impressive.”
Glancing at Big Fatty Zhang’s wok, and realizing that everyone else in the Ovens was similarly adorned, Bai Xiaochun suddenly got an image of himself walking around in such a fashion.
“Elder Brother,” he blurted, “is it possible to opt out of the wok-carrying thing…?”