“I’m fine.” She felt a rush of tingling sensation and quickly leaned back, away from his hand. “Montez should be regaining consciousness soon. I have to find something with which to tie him while I talk to him.”
“By all means. We wouldn’t want him to clip you again.” He got to his feet. “But I’ll do it. I’m usually prepared for any eventuality, and if I’m not, I improvise. It’s part of my training in Tibet with the monks. You stay with him and look alluring and helpless if he wakes up. Who knows? It might work the second time.”
“I didn’t intend to appear helpless,” she said through set teeth. “Only nonthreatening. There’s a big difference as you—” She was talking to air. Cameron had vanished again into the forest.
But he would return and probably with as many gadgets and ingenious self-made devices as MacGyver on that vintage TV show. It wouldn’t surprise her if he dug up a pair of handcuffs from somewhere, she thought crossly.
Stop it. She was just annoyed because she had not performed well in his eyes. They were both professionals, and she had not wanted to seem less competent than she knew she was.
What did it matter? she thought impatiently. Both she and Cameron marched to their own particular drummers. She answered only to herself or perhaps to Hu Chang. Certainly not to Cameron. She turned away from Montez and moved to the edge of the trail. Find wood and make a fire. She could do that while still keeping an eye on Montez and waiting for Cameron to come and dazzle her with his MacGyver-like ingenuity.
And then she would sit down and plan how she was going to tell Montez about Father Gabriel and his own sister, who were the latest victims of Santos. It would be ammunition to make him talk to them, but not one she would take pleasure in using.
Then don’t plan, let instinct lead her to the right way to handle him.
If he could be handled. He was a man who was filled with panic and bewilderment, and that often translated to violence.
She touched her bruised jaw. For a student of theology, Montez had been less than Christian in his response to her.
She would just have to make sure she didn’t turn the other cheek.
ST. JOSEPH’S HOSPITAL
ATLANTA, GEORGIA
He was there again, Jane realized with annoyance. Outlined in flames in the darkness. Sending out sparks that disturbed the serenity. She couldn’t get away from him.
“No, you can’t,” Caleb said. “I’m glad you realize that. But I’ve never really gone away. I’ve just let you rest and get used to my being here again.”
“I don’t want to get used to your being here. I told you that before. I want you to go away.”
“So you can go away? So you can go running back to Trevor? That’s not going to happen. He doesn’t want you, Jane.”
“You’re lying. He does want me.”
“Not now. I’m not worried about him. He’ll be on my side.”
“He loves me.”
“As much as he can love you. As much as you can love him. But there are all kinds of love, and you haven’t tasted more than a sip. Trevor would want you to drain the cup. You know that, Jane.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t want to know.”
“Too bad. Because I don’t really care what Trevor wants. It’s what I want that’s important.” His voice was velvet soft, insistent as a haunting melody. “And I want you to live, Jane. Not only will you live, but you’ll reach out and embrace life. I won’t have it any other way.”
“You don’t have anything to say about it. I’m dying.”
“But you’re better. I’ve been working, mending, helping you to mend yourself. I’m not there yet, but I’m closer. You’re having trouble not being aware of me all the time. I’m behind you, pushing. Soon I’ll be in front, leading.”
“No.”
“Yes.” He smiled. “Give it up. I won’t let you go. I’ll sit here and work on that mending. And now it’s time for you to think about something besides Trevor. So I’ll slip in a few memories to blur him…”
She tensed. “Of you?”
“No, we’ve not really had that kind of relationship yet. Close, but not quite there. I’m looking forward to it.” He chuckled. “No, I’ll make those memories pure as the driven snow. Not at all what you’d expect of me.”
“I don’t expect anything of you.”
“Then you should. You should expect everything from me. Because that’s what you’ll get.”
“Certainly not anything pure or without—”
“Shh, what’s more pure than the love of a puppy? Remember the day Eve gave you Toby? You were only a kid, weren’t you? Remember the excitement, the pure joy of living? And all the time he’s been with you, he’s given you that same joy. But we’ll start when he was a puppy and let you start reliving there. You were at the lake cottage, and it was only a little while after Eve and Joe took you into their home…”
*
“He’s mine, Eve? He’s really mine?” Jane hugged the half-golden retriever, half-wolf bundle of fur closer to her chest. “Sarah sent him to me to keep forever?”
“As close to forever as it gets.” Eve smiled. “She doesn’t want him back if that’s what you mean. She knew how much you loved her Monty and wanted you to have his and Maggie’s firstborn. What are you going to call him?”
“I’ll have to think. Maybe … Toby? He’s so beautiful.” Her eyes flew to meet Eve’s. “I don’t deserve him. I loved Sarah’s dog so much that I wanted him to love me instead of her. That was bad, wasn’t it, Eve? It was selfish. But I’d never had anything that was really mine to love. And now she’s given me this wonderful puppy of Monty’s to be my own. Should I call her and tell her how bad I was? Maybe she’d want him back.”
“I don’t think that’s likely,” Eve said gently. “Sarah knows what a good home you’ll give him. Because you’ve never had a home all these years, you know its value. And she’d understand that you’d need a dog of your own. Having something to love is very important.”
Jane nodded. “And when you do, you should hold on tight and never let go.” Her arms hugged the puppy closer. “That’s what I’m going to do. Never, never, let go…”