They both grinned.
“It will. I’ve spoken to Kathy and the twins, and they know I don’t want anything loud or tacky.”
“Good luck with that.” Alby laughed.
***
We’d all arranged to meet at Kathy’s house. Peter had taken the kids to his mother’s, and from there he would be going straight to West Chipping to meet up with the other guys.
“Men are so juvenile,” I said.
“Have you only just worked that one out?” Kathy was putting on her makeup. She’d always been so much better at doing it than I was. I just didn’t have the patience.
“Alby has had a load of bowling shirts printed with ‘Team Groom’ on the back.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Kathy laughed. “It is a stag night.”
“They’re supposed to be grown men.”
“Men never grow up. Surely, you’ve learned that much by now.”
“You wouldn’t catch me walking around town, wearing something as tacky as that.”
“What time did you say the twins are coming over?”
Before I could answer, there was a knock at the door.
“That’s probably them.”
It wasn’t—it was Aunt Lucy.
“Am I too early?”
“Of course not. Come on in. Kathy’s just getting ready. Would you like a drink?”
“Not yet. I don’t want to get tipsy too soon.”
“I meant tea or coffee.”
“Oh, right.” She laughed. “A cup of tea would be nice.”
“Come through to the kitchen. We can chat in there while Kathy tries to do something with her face. It could take her a while.”
Aunt Lucy shot me a disapproving look.
“I’m only joking. We’re always teasing one another. Did you tell the twins you were coming tonight?”
“No, I thought I’d let that be a surprise. I do have a message from your grandmother, though.”
“She hasn’t changed her mind, has she?”
“No, you can relax. She said she was sorry she couldn’t make it tonight, but she has her bridge club.”
“Thank goodness for bridge.”
A few minutes later, Kathy came through to the kitchen. “Is there a cup of tea in the pot for me?”
“I’ll pour you one.” Aunt Lucy made to get up.
“Stay where you are, Lucy,” Kathy said. “I’ll see to it.”
“I thought you were going to put your makeup on,” I quipped.
“I have put—oh, very funny. I notice you didn’t offer to pour me a cup of tea.”
“Have you forgotten? This is my special day. Everyone is supposed to pamper to my needs.”
As Kathy was pouring herself a cup of tea, there was another knock at the door.
“I’ll get it.” I volunteered.
It was the twins.
“I like your dresses. They’re identical, aren’t they?”
“I bought mine first,” Amber said.
“No, you didn’t,” Pearl snapped. “I’ve had mine for weeks.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, then?”
“I didn’t realise I needed to.”
“Girls, girls! Not tonight, please.”
“Sorry, Jill,” they chorused.
“Come on through. We’re in the kitchen.”
“Mum?” Amber glared at Aunt Lucy. “What are you doing here?”
“Going on Jill’s hen night, the same as you two.”
“But you’re too old,” Pearl said.
“Thanks very much.”
“You said you weren’t going to come,” Amber said.
“Jill persuaded me to change my mind.”
The twins both glared at me.
“There’s no reason why Aunt Lucy shouldn’t come with us. It’s not like this is going to be some kind of wild night. Just a few drinks and good conversation.”
The twins were still sulking when someone else came to the door.
“Mad. You look very—err, normal. For you, that is.”
“I thought, seeing as how it was your hen night, I’d better tone it down a little.”
“Thanks. Like I was just saying to the twins, this is going to be a very low-key affair.”
“Yeah, err—about that. There’s something I need to tell you.”
“What’s that?”
Before she could reply, someone shouted, “If it isn’t the blushing bride herself.” It was Deli. “Hiya, Jill. Are you ready to tear up the town?” She took a swig from the half-empty bottle of gin in her hand.
I’d try to describe her outfit, but there aren’t words that could begin to do it justice. Let’s just say that there were bits of her on display that really shouldn’t have been.
“Where is everyone?” She pushed past us and made her way through to the kitchen. “There you all are. Why are you drinking tea? This is supposed to be a hen night.”
I turned to Mad. “What are those in her hand?”
Before Mad could reply, Deli held up the stack of witch’s hats—PINK witch’s hats! “Look what I’ve got for us.”
“Sorry, Jill,” Mad said. “I tried to stop her.”
“Who wants one?” Deli said.
“I don’t think we—” I began.
“Me!” Pearl yelled.
“I’ll have one,” Amber said.
“Count me in.” Kathy grabbed one too.
Even though Aunt Lucy and Mad had remained silent, Deli handed them both a hat, and then she turned to me. “This one is for you, Jill.”
“I don’t really think—”
“Put it on!” Deli began to chant; the twins and Kathy soon joined in. “Put it on! Put it on!”
“Okay, okay.” I put the stupid hat onto my head. “Why did you get witches’ hats?”
“I had intended to get cowgirl hats, but these were on special offer.”
“Why pink, though?”
“It’s all they had left. They look good, don’t they?”
I wasn’t overly thrilled about the hat, but I supposed I could just about live with it.
“And this is for you too, Jill.” Deli held up a T-shirt.
“I’m not wearing that thing!”
But of course, I did, and the humiliation was complete.
The giant ‘L’ plate on the back was bad enough, but it was what was on the front that was beyond the pale.
What? No, it wasn’t that. Sheesh, your mind.
In big, bold words it said: I’m the bride. Please buy me a drink.
“Keeping it classy, I see.” Kathy laughed. We were all on our way into Washbridge in two taxis.
“Shut up!”
“Look at the positive side. You probably won’t have to buy any drinks all night.”
“You look stupid in that hat,” I said.
“I think it suits me. I’ve always thought I’d make a good witch.”
We kicked off the evening in what had once been called Bar Fish until it rebranded to Bar Piranha. It was some time since I’d last been in there, and I was quite surprised to find it had undergone yet another transformation. It was now called Bubbles, and it wasn’t difficult to work out why. I’ve never been a big fan of bubbles. When we were kids, Kathy spent hours blowing the things, but I could never see the point. All that effort, and two minutes later, they’d all burst.
“It’s great in here, isn’t it?” Amber said.
“I could do without all the stupid bubbles.”
“I love them.” Pearl took a sip from her purple cocktail.
“I’m not sure it was necessary to have twenty-six bubble machines,” I said. “Two would have been plenty.”
“I can’t believe you’ve counted them.” Kathy’s cocktail was bright orange.
“What would you like to drink, love?” A man, with more hair sticking out of his nostrils than on his head, pointed to my T-shirt.
“I’m okay.” I held up my glass. “Thanks, anyway.”
I’d told the barman to make me a lime and soda, but to put in a little umbrella so I could pass it off as a cocktail.
“If you change your mind, I’ll be just over there.” Nose-hair gave me a wink.
I turned to Kathy. “See! I told you this T-shirt was a stupid idea.”
“Relax and try to enjoy yourself. You only get married once. Hopefully.”
I hadn’t seen Aunt Lucy for a while, but then I spotted her. Deli had her cornered near to the bar. I probably should have gone and rescued her, but then I’d have been stuck with Deli.
Some sacrifices were just too great.
I’d managed to find a quiet spot, to one side of the bar. It was out of range of the bubble machines, and if I faced the wall, no one could see the front of my T-shirt.
“Shot time!” Deli appeared behind me. “Come on, Jill. We’re moving onto shots.”