Cherry. She was right, I needed to get updating. I tried to take a few deep, calming breaths. Alex had not been going to meet Dad. Even if she had, she said she’d leave it – about the job – if it was going to upset me. I slid my hand into my other pocket, pulled out her card and ran my finger over the letters.
Dr Alexandra Inglis
Fucking me in the back of her car one minute, crying on the carpet in her dark sitting room the next, and now turning up on the doorstep in no underwear.
If only I’d not gone to football for Dad that night.
I tore the card into tiny pieces and flushed it down the loo. At the very least, if she had been going to meet Dad here, he must have come home, seen my car and driven off again. I’d achieved that if nothing else. I hesitated, went upstairs and fished out the pay-as-you-go mobile.
I think we need to talk about what happened today. Can I see you?
She came straight back to me.
Going to be difficult. Working and of course children’s last full week so – as I expect you are – doing lots of activities/sports days. Then go on holiday for two weeks. Not back until Sat 5 August. Sorry honey! Busy, busy – you know how it is! I’ll be in touch on return. Have a good last day of school!
Was she high? What kind of message was that? I stared at it and realised it was deliberately written to give me the information I needed while looking like it was meant for a friend of hers. What was the point in that – unless she was trying to say that her husband had found her pay-as-you-go phone? Warning me that things were becoming too obvious, as well as dismissing me for the next two weeks? Who did she think she was? She was controlling everything, blowing hot and cold. I felt suddenly very angry. I was at her mercy, and I didn’t like it.
I was starting to dislike her. And yet I couldn’t stop thinking about her. That didn’t make me feel so good about myself, either.
* * *
True to her word, she didn’t contact me for the next two weeks. Not even once but, weirdly, it was a relief. I hadn’t enjoyed her turning up at the house unannounced. The prospect of being caught on the stairs didn’t feel exciting, even in retrospect, it just made me feel a bit sick with stress, but the more time passed, it started to feel like a nightmare that wasn’t so bad after all, now the lights were on.
Aside from the rare amazing day here and there, the weather had predictably turned shit as it was the summer holidays, but I didn’t even really care. We had a family holiday to Ibiza coming up, so I’d get a tan regardless; I was getting on much better with Cherry – everything felt like it was finally getting back to normal… Alex still lurked in the back of my mind – pretty much always appearing when I was doing it with Cherry, which was both confusing and unsettling – but I felt things were under control again.
So when Mum asked me to drive her to the doctors on Monday, 7 August, I desperately tried to persuade her I couldn’t. I didn’t want to go anywhere near the surgery – but she ignored me.
‘I don’t think I’d be safe to drive myself over there, love. I feel hot, knackered – everything aches and I feel sick as a dog.’
‘I don’t feel well myself, Mum. I think I’m coming down with it too,’ I lied. ‘Can’t you get a taxi?’
Mum gave me a hard stare. ‘Well unless you’re also menopausal, I’d say you’re all right. I’m aware it’s the first nice day in forever but I’m not getting a taxi just so you can get Cherry round here while you’ve got the house to yourself, then hit the sun-loungers. We’re leaving in ten minutes.’
I saw Alex’s black car the second we arrived in the car park and tried to swing right off to the back, out of the way, but Mum wasn’t having any of it.
‘What are you doing? There’s a space right there, in front of the chemist! There! Get in it quick before someone else does. Why do all men have to drive past spaces that have nothing wrong with them?’
‘It’s shadier at the back over there under the trees while I wait,’ I grumbled and parked up nervously where I was told. ‘That’s all.’
Mum gave me a look. ‘Keep the air con on. I’m sure you’ll survive. Or come in with me.’
‘No thanks,’ I retorted.
Mum sighed and, with an effort, opened the door and winced as she eased herself out, closing the door behind her and walking, hunched over, to the double doors. She obviously was in a bad way. I felt bad for being arsey with her but, the truth was, I was properly stressed out.
After I’d sat there for about twenty minutes, however, I began to relax in the heat and had leant back with my eyes closed, when there was a knock on the glass. I jolted awake, expecting Mum, but it was Alex, standing by the door dressed in a sky-blue sundress, looking very tanned.
Eyes wide, I undid the window all the way down.
‘Hello,’ she said. ‘Someone reported a young boy passed out in his car to the receptionists. I said I’d come out and have a look.’
I had no idea if she was telling the truth or had just seen me and come out using any old excuse.
She lingered for a moment. ‘Anyway. I’d better go back in now I know you’re OK.’ She crossed her arms. ‘Um, why are you here, by the way?’
‘I’ve brought my mum down for an appointment.’
‘Oh, fine.’ She looked relieved and went to step away.
‘I’m not stalking you.’ I sat up a little straighter, feeling annoyed. ‘You look good though.’ I’ve no idea why I said that. No idea at all. It was asking for trouble. ‘Nice holiday then?’
She nodded. ‘You off anywhere soon?’
‘Ibiza, on the 27th, for two weeks.’ I didn’t mention it was with my parents and sister, obviously.
She paled. ‘Not really? I’m going to be there on the 8th, on a girl’s weekend.’
I laughed nervously, waiting for her to tell me she was joking, but she didn’t.
‘It’s almost as if the universe is determined to push us together,’ she said. ‘Perhaps that’s where we were supposed to meet properly for the first time, not here with me cutting your trouser leg off.’ She gestured behind her at the surgery. I couldn’t believe she was standing in the car park having a friendly chat with me about it all. ‘I think I would have preferred that actually – not knowing who you were; a handsome stranger in a hot country and all that. I like that fantasy.’ She mused over it for a second and smiled, before turning on her heels and walking back to the surgery without another word.
I stared after her, mouth slightly open. As usual with Alex, I had no idea what to think.
It’s really hard to explain how she does it. She’s like one of those pictures where you can only see a horse head but you’re meant to be able to see the duck too, then suddenly you get it and then you can’t see the horse head, even though you know it’s there and you try really, really hard. You only see what Alex wants you to see, her version of reality.
I expected to hear from her later that night after the fate comment, but, disconcertingly, I got nothing. I waited for a summons at the weekend. Silence again. The whole of the next week I kept checking my phone, but she was never there.