I think that maybe God had a plan for me all along. When I plunged that knife into Ralph’s neck, that desire left me. Watching the light die in Ralph’s eyes, my own murderous intentions died as well, both spirits leaving our bodies and traveling with evil in common, up and away from the ruined shells we were.
I’m not saying that God approves of killing, approves of taking another’s life, no matter how you twist the circumstances and justify it clean. But I don’t feel that he necessarily disapproved of my actions. They say God giveth, and he taketh away. Well the night of my mother’s carnage, he gave me the urge to kill. That urge stayed, and my fear of it caused my isolation, which caused me to cam, which caused me to meet Ralph, which led to circumstances of me tracking Annie down. And then, it was taken away. For the first time, in a long time, I felt like me again. Like the bubbly, extroverted girl that I had once been, and had been playing every time I powered on my webcam. It felt damn good to be back.
I don’t know what is going to happen with Jeremy. I don’t know whether he is my “happily ever after” or not. But I know he makes me smile, and I know he loves me—the ‘fucked up, I’ll kill you with your own box cutters’ me.
THE END