‘Keisha?’
‘Yeah,’ she steps around the door, closing it behind her so I’m no longer trapped between it and the wall. ‘Are you okay? You look a bit pale.’
I grasp my stomach. ‘Just a bit winded. I’ll be okay in a bit.’
‘Let’s get you outside. Some fresh air will soon see you right.’
We perch on the concrete step together, its narrowness forcing us to sit unnaturally close.
Keisha rummages in her handbag and pulls out a crumpled packet of Marlboro Lights and a lighter. She waves them at me. ‘Mind if I smoke?’
‘Go ahead.’
I watch as she tweezers a cigarette out of the pack with her long nails. She lights it and inhales deeply. Twenty years since I last smoked and I can still remember what that first sweet hit of nicotine feels like when you’re desperate for a cig.
‘Want one?’ she catches me watching and holds out the pack.
‘I don’t smoke.’ I change my mind immediately. ‘Actually I will. Thank you.’
I put the cigarette in my mouth, relishing the way it feels so foreign and so familiar at the same time. Keisha lights it for me and I inhale deeply. The smoke scratches the back of my throat. I take another drag. It tastes strong, chemical-like and hot and I’m reminded of the first cigarette I ever smoked, back in 1984, when I was fifteen. I lean back against the door and close my eyes as the nicotine fizzes through me. The cigarette tastes foul but the ritual – lift to mouth, inhale, hold, exhale, lower – and the buzz of nicotine is comforting.
Keisha says something I don’t catch and I open my eyes. ‘Sorry?’
She tips back her head and blows a perfect, grey smoke ring into the air. ‘I said I didn’t expect to see you here.’
The smoke ring grows wider and thinner until it breaks up and disappears.
I say the first thing that comes into my head. ‘I came to see Danny about a surprise party. It’s Oli’s twentieth soon.’
‘What a lovely idea.’ Keisha’s face lights up. ‘No one’s ever thrown a surprise party for me. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I had a birthday party. I must have been little. Eight, maybe nine.’ She looks wistful for a second then smiles again. ‘Are you going to hold it at Breeze then, Oli’s party?’
‘Actually I was considering Greys nightclub in London. I wanted Danny’s opinion.’
She raises her eyebrows. ‘I’ve been there. It’s the shit. Expensive though. Seven pounds fifty for a rum and coke!’
‘I know, but Oli’s been through a lot recently and we wanted it to be special.’ I puff on my cigarette, hold the smoke in my lungs for a couple of seconds and then exhale. ‘Charlotte was the one who recommended Greys. Before her accident,’ I add quickly when Keisha’s eyes widen in surprise. ‘She said it was amazing, that she went there with you and Danny.’
‘It was.’ She flicks her cigarette into the gutter. The tip glows for a second then turns grey and goes out. ‘Poshest club I’ve ever been to. There’s a woman in the toilets who’ll rub hand cream into your hands if you pay her a pound. She’ll squirt you with perfume too if you want. She’s got loads of different types.’
‘Really?’ I smile encouragingly. I have to play this carefully. If I spook her she’ll clam up. ‘Charlotte said a lot of famous types hang out there too.’
‘They do.’ She wraps her slender arms around her knees and pulls them close to her chest. The sun is starting to go down and there’s a chill in the air. ‘Pop stars, soap stars, footballers. You don’t really get to mingle with them though because they sit in the roped-off VIP bit.’
‘So how did Charlotte get to meet her footballer then,’ I drop my cigarette onto the pavement and grind it out with the heel of my boot, ‘if the famous people are kept separate from everyone else?’
Keisha looks at me in surprise. ‘She told you about him?’
‘Of course. We’re very close. We tell each other everything.’
‘Wow.’ She raises an eyebrow. ‘So Charlotte told you some of what happened that night then?’
I nod. I don’t trust what will happen if I open my mouth to lie.
She searches my face. ‘And you didn’t go mental?’
‘No.’ I try and keep my breathing slow and measured but my heart is racing from the cigarette. This could be it. This could be the moment I find out what caused Charlotte to step in front of the bus. ‘Why would I?’
An empty coke can clatters against the pavement at the far end of the alley. Keisha and I both jump but there’s no one there.
‘I’ve got to go.’ She leaps up, reaches for the door handle, her eyes still fixed on the entrance to the alley. ‘Danny’s expecting me and I’ve said too much already.’
‘Please.’ I reach for her hand. ‘Please. You need to tell me what happened that night.’
‘I thought you already knew.’
‘I know she met a footballer but that’s it. Please Keisha. Please tell me what happened.’
She shakes her head, opens the door, slips one shoulder into the gap. ‘If I tell you he’ll kill me.’
‘And if you don’t tell me Charlotte might die.’
It’s a low blow but it’s enough to make her pause, step back into the alley and close the door. I wait as she shakes her empty cigarette packet, crumples it in her fist then tosses it into the gutter and roots around in her handbag for a new pack. She peels off the cellophane, flips back the lid, pulls off the foil and tweezes out a cigarette. It takes forever and when she roots around in her bag for her lighter I want to scream. Finally she puts a cigarette in her mouth, lights it and inhales deeply. She exhales through her nose and looks at me from under her lashes. ‘She had sex with the footballer in the club toilet.’
I stare at the lit end of her cigarette, at the plume of smoke that curls upwards, at the length of ash that grows longer and longer and then falls through the air and disintegrates before it hits the floor.