‘Jesus Fucking Christ!’ He’s on his feet again, his arms spread wide. ‘How can you even ask me that question? I take it back, Sue. You’re not stressed, you’re insane. Can you hear yourself? Are you even aware of what you’re saying? Of what you’re accusing me of? You need help, Sue. Urgent psychiatric help.’
‘Insane?’ Now I’m on my feet too. ‘Right. Of course. Is that why Charlotte sent a text to one of her friends calling you a pervert?’
Brian’s jaw drops, his body locked in a palm-out pose. He licks his lips, swallows, then licks his lips again.
‘What did you just say?’
‘I said …’ I’m shaking so much I have to take a deep breath to stop my voice from quivering. ‘There’s a text on Charlotte’s phone from her to a friend, calling you a sick pervert.’
‘Charlotte called me a pervert?’
‘Yes.’
He stares at me expressionlessly then blinks as though he’s just woken up. ‘Show me the text.’
I throw the phone, underarm, at him and he snatches it from the air.
‘It’s under the name K-Dog,’ I say.
Brian looks down at the phone and presses a few buttons. After an age he looks up at me, a strange look on his face. ‘There’s nothing here.’
‘What?’ I move towards him, holding out a hand for the phone. ‘Of course there is. You need to select the envelope icon and then …’ I scroll through the text messages, return to the home screen then click on the envelope icon again. ‘It’s gone.’
‘Really?’ He raises his eyebrows. ‘Or perhaps there wasn’t a text to begin with?’
‘Of course there was. I—’ A cold chill runs through me and I step back.
‘What?’ Brian looks exasperated.
‘You deleted it.’
‘Oh, for God’s sake, Sue!’
‘Brian, it was here five minutes ago. I found it when I was in the toilet. I can remember every word. It—’ I stop short. An image of me stabbing at buttons as I frantically tried to end my call to K-Dog as Brian hammered on the door flashes into my mind. I must have accidentally deleted it. I must have obliterated the only piece of evidence I had that my husband was responsible for Charlotte’s accident.
‘It was here. It was.’ I frantically scroll back to the home screen then open the text messages again, but the K-Dog message has disappeared. ‘I need to take the phone to Carphone Warehouse in town. They’ll know how to retrieve the text and, if they don’t, I bet there’s someone on the internet who could.’
‘Sue …’ Brian’s tone is gentle, comforting. It reminds me of the way you speak to the bereaved. ‘Sue, I think you should sit down.’
I let him guide me back to my armchair and nod when he offers to make us both a cup of tea. He pauses as he reaches the door and looks back at me. The expression on his face takes my breath away. Not because it’s a look of reproach, resentment or even anger. It’s none of those things. It’s pity. He thinks I made the text message up.
‘Here you go.’ Five minutes later he slides back into the room and slips a cup of tea onto the coaster beside me. He puts a plate holding three chocolate Hobnobs beside it and then crosses the room and sits down. He sips at his tea then inhales sharply. It’s too hot.
‘Sue.’ His face is incredibly grey, his eyes impossibly sad. ‘There’s something I need to say to you and I need you to hear me out. Please don’t get angry or defensive, just let me say what I need to say.’
I nod for him to continue.
‘I’m only saying this because I love you and I’m worried about you but,’ he pauses to take a breath, ‘I really want you to see a doctor. Or that therapist you saw before. Your behavior is becoming increasingly erratic. You must realize that.’
I want to give him a hug and tell him that I’m fine and he’s got nothing to worry about, but then I remember the text message I read on Charlotte’s phone and I shake my head.
‘There’s nothing wrong with me, Brian. Nothing that a few straight answers wouldn’t put right anyway.’
His shoulders slump and he sighs. ‘Such as?’
‘Why did you let me believe you went to work that morning then lie to me about going swimming?’
‘I told you, I—’
‘And why have you started taking Milly out at all times of the day and night?’
Brian pinches the skin between his eyebrows and closes his eyes. When he opens them he sighs deeply. ‘I’ve been going to see Tessa.’
‘Tessa your dead wife?’
He glares at me from across the room. ‘Yes, Sue. My dead wife, Tessa.’
‘You lied to me about going to the swimming pool to cover up the fact that you actually went to her grave?’
Brian nods.
‘And when you’ve been taking Milly out for an impromptu walk … that’s where you’ve been going?’
He nods again.
‘Why?’
He reaches across to ruffle Milly’s fur. ‘Talking to Tessa helps me clear my head.’
I stare at him, trying to take it in. ‘Why couldn’t you talk to me?’
‘Because you’re what I talk about …’ He rubs a hand over his forehead and squeezes his temples. ‘I’m worried that you’re going to have another episode, Sue. All the signs are there – the paranoia, the delusions, the obsessions with Charlotte’s “accident”. I want you to see the GP as soon as possible.’
I turn Charlotte’s phone over in my hands and rub my thumb over the sparkly crystals. He almost had me there – with his furrowed brow, soft tone and gentle eyes. He nearly convinced me that he really was worried about me.
‘Did you sexually molest Charlotte?’
Brian inhales sharply. ‘You didn’t just say that?’
I shrug.
‘You didn’t just accuse me of sexually molesting our daughter?’
I don’t move a muscle.
‘No.’ He shakes his head. ‘NO! No. No. No. No. No. No. NO. You’ve lost it. I will NOT sit in my own front room, in my own house and listen to my wife accuse me of incest. Absolutely NO WAY. I don’t care how ill you are, Sue, you cannot say things like that. You just can’t.’
He springs to his feet but makes no move to approach me. ‘I want you to go to the doctor’s.’