“Don’t be crazy. You’re twenty years old. Your choice. Why shouldn’t I be cool with it? It’s none of my business.”
“But Jock is your business, so it made you blink. That’s why I said it. I wanted to see if I could ruffle you a bit.” She smiled mischievously. “And crawl under that wall that you’ve built to keep me from finding out what I want to know. I’m not like you. I have a tendency to barge in where angels fear to tread. While you’re thoughtful and sensitive, and you care about feelings and all that business about allowing people ‘their space.’”
“I’ve always thought those were good rules to follow.” Cara added, “And I haven’t noticed that you’re all that insensitive. You’re just … curious.”
“No.” Darcy’s smile vanished. “Not all the time. I pick and choose.” She was silent; and then, when she did speak, it was with an awkwardness that Cara had never heard from her. “I don’t have many friends, Cara. Those I do have, I have trouble keeping. Oh, I have plenty of acquaintances and people who call themselves my friends. It’s not the same.”
Cara frowned. “Why not? Surely one thing leads to another. Everyone here at school thinks you’re wonderful.”
“Oh, I am wonderful,” she said mockingly. “It doesn’t even matter that I’m a has-been actress at twenty. I’m a double threat. I have a terrific voice, and I’m probably in the top five percent as far as looks are concerned.”
“Two percent.”
“Whatever. It depends on what you’re looking for. It draws people to me, but it’s no guarantee they’ll stay. I was megafamous, and some people just like to warm their hands at the embers. Oh, I’ll be famous again, and everyone knows it. So life with me turns out to be a kind of competition. It’s always been that way. My mother, everyone with whom I came in contact over the years, even the guys I have sex with…” Her lips twisted. “It’s been a long time since I was with anyone who I was really close to. Anyway, when the academy moved me in with you, I thought it was going to be the same problem. Everyone knows that you’re going to be a superstar, so I was bracing myself. But it wasn’t a problem and I … liked you. I felt safe with you.”
“Safe?” Cara laughed. “Well, I’m definitely no threat to you.”
“You are, but it’s not important to you.” She shrugged. “But I decided I don’t want to lose you, so I had to know what to do to keep that from happening. That’s why I kept asking you all those questions. Of course you’d only go so far, then you shut me out. You’re friendly and warm, but you’re very private. And that’s okay. Everyone has secrets. I just want to know enough so that I don’t step on your toes.” She made a face. “You’re looking at me as if I’m certifiable. I could have kept all this to myself, but I have this honesty thing. And you’re smart, so you’d see through me eventually.”
“I’m not sure about that,” she said dryly. “Because you have me completely confused. In my world, that’s not how friendships are developed.”
“In my world, it is,” Darcy said quietly. “I like your world much better. That’s why I’m trying to be honest with you. I just want to understand you and how you react, so that you won’t end up walking away from me. I thought I was close to it once you told me about your Eve and the rest of your family.” She shook her head. “But I’m having trouble placing Jock Gavin in the scheme of things.”
Cara was staring at her in disbelief. This conversation was becoming increasingly bizarre with every moment. “So you think that going to bed with him will help you do that?”
“No, but putting the suggestion out there might have.” She drew a deep breath. “No way. I made a mistake. I realize that would definitely be a wrong step. Forget I said anything.”
“That’s hard to do.”
“I was just experimenting, and I sometimes leap before I think. I’m backing off from Jock.”
Cara moistened her lips. “I told you that’s not necessary.”
“I disagree. Though I doubt if it would have gone anywhere anyway.”
“Of course it might.” She tried to smile. “You’re the two percent. Why do you think I’d mind? He’s my best friend. I’ve known Jock for years, and do you know how many dozens of women he’s had in that time?”
“No.” Darcy paused. “Did you count?”
Cara’s hand clenched on the sheet. “It had nothing to do with me.”
“Not then, but maybe now? I’m not taking the chance.” She made a face. “I’ve sort of bungled this. What do you expect? I’m a blonde, for heaven’s sake. And I told you I wasn’t all that clever. I’m sorry.”
“Stop that, we both know that’s just part of your act. You’re only as dumb or smart as you choose to be. You just don’t understand this.”
“Right, I don’t understand anything about you and Jock. That’s why I’m bowing out. But I thought I did understand about sex since I seduced my voice teacher when I was only sixteen. I just thought I was seeing the signs. Maybe I was wrong.” She reached over and turned off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness. “Good night, Cara.”
It took a moment before Cara managed to reply. “Good night.”
“And you’ll forgive me if I was out of line? It’s not often I feel as if I can trust someone. It went to my head. I promise I’ll watch myself from now on.” Her voice was completely devoid of its usual lightness. “Sometimes I have a habit of getting carried away in the moment and saying the wrong thing. It’s a mistake that’s cost me dearly.”
There was no doubting Darcy’s complete sincerity. “You just … surprised me. You’ve never showed me this side of you. I told Jock you were the complete package. I had no idea you were—”
“Oh, I am the complete package.” Her tone was flip again. “Just throw in a dash of vulnerability and a tiny scoop of annoying persistence along with it.” She paused. “So we’re okay?”
“We’re okay.” Cara was still bewildered. “But we might need to talk again.”
“We can do that.” She turned over on her side. “I’ll just be more careful next time…”
*
Darkness.
Only the lights of the street below filtered in from behind the drapes to fall on the two beds in the bedroom. Darcy had fallen asleep a couple hours ago, Cara knew. But she was still lying here staring into the darkness, wide-awake.
“You don’t talk about him to me,” Darcy had said.
And that had been the beginning, Cara thought.
But it was how it had ended that had left her stunned and confused.
Not then, but now?
I thought I did understand about sex.
I just thought I was seeing the signs …
The signs that Cara wanted to have sex with Jock who had been the center of her existence for all these years? To be one of those women who went to his bed and had him inside her in that most intimate way possible?
Her body was heating, tingling, at the thought, she realized, robbing her of breath as the tension started as she imagined his hands—
Wrong. All wrong. He was her best friend. That was her place in his life. She had value to him in that role. She was not one of the women who passed in and out of his existence, then faded away.
The mere idea of that happening filled her with panic. She wouldn’t be able to bear that isolation from him. They were so close, so … complete … together. She couldn’t let this crazy physical response destroy it. That’s not what he wanted from her. She wasn’t one of the dazzling 2 percent like Darcy. Hell, she was only eighteen and still a damn virgin. No competition. She had no desire to be competition. She wanted him to be her friend.
Not then, but now?
Dear God, she was lying to herself. Yes, she wanted what they had together now. But her body wanted something entirely different.