‘I don’t want to do anything that might harm you. Or have you been offered another job or something?’
‘No, nothing like that. I just don’t really care.’ And it felt a relief to say it, a bit like when you exhale after a deep breath. ‘Look, I have to run. V needs me.’
Kaitlyn took a small step towards me. ‘Mike, are you sure she needs you? There’s something I’ve been meaning to say to you …’
‘Shut up, Kaitlyn,’ I said because I couldn’t bear her commenting on my life or V one moment longer, especially when she had no idea what she was talking about. ‘Just leave me alone.’
I turned and ran towards the Tube as I’d decided it would be quicker.
Every second of that journey dragged against my skin, so it felt like time was moving backwards and I was in a bad dream where I would never reach my destination. I ran all the way from Kensington High Street Tube to Elizabeth Road, but I am very fit and I wasn’t even out of breath when I knocked on the heavy black door I had come to know so well.
Angus answered, dressed in jeans and a grey shirt, nothing on his feet. His hair was messier than usual and his face looked almost crumpled. There were black circles underneath his eyes and I thought he had the air of a discarded man. We looked at each other for a few heartbeats, neither wanting to be the first to break ground.
‘I need to speak to Verity,’ I said eventually.
‘Sorry, who are you?’ he asked, his face screwed up as he leant against the door.
‘Mike,’ I said. The fact I had to introduce myself deflated my momentum.
‘God, so you are.’ He stood straighter, his face hardening. I couldn’t work out if he was knocking me off balance on purpose. ‘I’m afraid Verity’s in bed. She’s ill.’
‘I still need to come in.’
His face contorted slightly, but I knew he was from that class of people for whom rudeness is very hard. He was not the type to slam a door in anyone’s face, even if that person was about to make off with his wife.
‘You and I should talk,’ I added.
He opened the door wider and I stepped over the threshold exactly as I’d done the day before. He motioned for me to go into the drawing room and I was able to see the pale sofas I had glimpsed through the shutters, as well as the marble fireplace, the huge Venetian mirror, the pale grey walls, the beautiful works of art.
‘You’ve got a nerve turning up here,’ he said. ‘What the fuck’s wrong with you? I think Verity’s made it pretty clear where you stand.’
‘Verity hasn’t told you, has she?’ Her sickness suddenly made the silence of the day understandable.
‘Told me what?’ He folded his arms across his chest.
‘We’re in love. She’s leaving you and coming to live with me.’
He laughed, a schoolboy splutter. ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
I composed myself and tightened my jaw. ‘I’m really sorry to tell you, but you’re part of this game we play, that’s got a bit out of hand. Verity is really sorry about how much she’s hurt you, but it’s impossible us not being together.’
‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ I saw a flash of fear in his face which hadn’t been there before and renewed my courage.
I spoke slowly. ‘I am very sorry. Verity and I are in love and she’s going to divorce you and come and live with me.’
He stared at me for a moment. ‘Have you lost your mind? You don’t think I’d know if my own wife was in love with another man?’
I was taller than him by a couple of inches and definitely stronger. ‘You know we were together for nine years before she met you?’
He snorted. ‘Of course I know that. You know she started seeing me before she’d finished with you?’ He shifted his weight and kept his eyes locked on mine.
My mind jolted slightly, but recalibrated itself quickly. ‘Yes, I know. I had a stupid one-night stand in America which she was furious about and this has all been to pay me back. But it’s finished now; we’ve reached the end of our Crave.’
‘Your what?’ He spat the words at me.
‘The game we play.’
‘Stop, Mike.’ We both turned to see V standing in the doorway. She looked as terrible as it is possible for V to look. She was as pale as paper, but with livid red spots high on her cheeks. Her hair was matted and stuck to her head and her tiny body was shivering inside her cotton pyjamas.
Angus took the blanket from the back of the sofa and wrapped her in it, which irritated me as I was the one who should be doing things like that. ‘What are you doing up?’
‘I heard you both,’ she said. She stayed standing close to him.
‘I’ve told him, V,’ I said. ‘It’s OK. We can leave now.’
But she started to cry. ‘Oh God, Mike, please don’t.’
Angus put his arm around her. ‘You need to fuck off, mate, before I call the police.’
I hate posh boys calling me mate, as if they have any idea how to use the word. I directed my speech only to V. ‘I know you wanted to tell him, but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that we can be together now.’ I took a step towards them but she flinched back.
Angus stepped in front of her, his arm stretched out to me. ‘If you don’t leave in the next thirty seconds I’m calling the police.’
I turned to him then, the pathetic monkey man, thinking he had something that was clearly not his. ‘If V doesn’t love me then why were we lying together on that rug last night, pulling ourselves back from making love, planning our future?’ I swung my hand towards the hall and Angus followed my movement.
He looked between me and the rug a few times, his face dropping and falling. ‘Verity,’ he said, turning to her. ‘What’s going on?’
V was still crying, her whole body dropping downwards as she sank slowly to her knees. ‘Make him leave, Gus.’
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ I said.
But V looked up at me, her eyes hard and straight and I knew I’d angered her. ‘Leave, Mike.’ She’d told me she wanted to be the one to tell Angus, she’d even explained why that was the right thing to do, but my impatience had got the better of me.
‘I’ll be back first thing in the morning,’ I said. ‘And this time we really will be going home.’
Angus stayed mute during our exchange, no doubt seeing the superior connection which existed between us. He knew he was defeated and there was no point in saying anything more to him. I simply turned and let myself out.
I walked home to dissipate some of the energy rushing through me. I was satisfied that V wasn’t in any danger from Angus. He was simply an irritant who needed to be pushed to one side. It was highly frustrating that we would have to wait one more night, but then again, we had the rest of our lives to look forward to, so what was twelve or so hours.
I didn’t feel like eating when I got home, so instead opened a bottle of wine to cool my blood and smooth my nerves, both of which were still jumping inside my body. When I was a boy and things were bad I used to think I had an army of ants living inside me, patrolling my borders. I could never decide if they were on the same side as me or not and sometimes I would wake screaming from nightmares where they had crawled out of my nose, mouth and ears.