~~~
When I woke up again, I was alone. The smal , windowless hospital room was awful y dark, with the only light coming from various machines that flanked my bed. I wasn’t hooked up to any of them – only the IV was attached to my arm – yet their lights were on and they gave off an impersonal hum.
My mouth was drier than the Sahara and when I ran my tongue over my lips, it felt like sandpaper against cracked concrete. I wanted water and I wanted it now but I had no idea how to cal the nurse. I thought Ada or my parents would have been around and their absence stung a little.
Sure, I was in no danger, but what I had gone through was pretty traumatic. I was having a hard time even fathoming al of it.
I placed my hand on my stomach and pressed down slightly until it hurt. Had the bit of weight gain real y been a result of pregnancy? The cramps and the bloating and the mood swings? I felt stupid for ignoring the symptoms for so long and ignorant that I just brushed the idea aside just because I had my period. You’d think I’d know more than a 14-year-old girl before Sex Ed, but apparently not.
I sat up careful y, conscious of that icky feeling of the IV
needle as it pul ed against my skin and vein. A machine beside me beeped three times, sounding almost menacing in the dark. I peered at it, wondering what the hel it could be monitoring, and the light pulsed, alternating between red and yel ow.
As the lights flashed against the wal s, I thought about going for a wander down the corridor. I’d probably have to take the drip with me but at least I’d be able to get some water and maybe find out where my family took off to. They wouldn’t dare leave me overnight like this; they could be cal ous sometimes but not that bad.
Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I gently lowered my bare feet until they met the cold, linoleum floor.
A sharp stab of pain flooded my insides and the growing sensation of wetness flowed between my legs. I brought my hand down and felt around. It was like I was wearing diapers and it added to the thick, muddled feeling that I felt al over my body, from my head to my groin. I took in a deep breath and fought for clarity. I grabbed onto the portable IV
drip with one hand and with the other, made sure the back of my paper-thin hospital gown wasn’t open for the world to see, and cautiously walked over to the door.
I opened it with some effort – it was heavier than I anticipated – and stuck my head out into the harshly lit hal way. I blinked rapidly. I felt like I was doing something I shouldn’t be, even though there were no rules about getting out of your bed. It’s not like I had escaped or anything.
Surprisingly, there was no one about and the corridor was entirely empty and devoid of any sound except for a dripping that seemed to come from nowhere. I wondered what time it was. Hospitals were usual y a hotbed of activity.
I padded my way down the hal , wincing at the squeaky wheels of the IV drip that seemed to echo around me. Al the doors were closed, dark and quiet. It was as stil as a tomb and that lack of movement, lack of humanity, frightened me. An icy trail went down my spine, as if the IV
needle relocated to the back of my neck, and I stopped walking.
Up ahead, at the end of the hal , came a shuffling sound, like the slow, uncertain walk of an injured or old person. I waited, holding my breath.
An elderly woman came around the corner. She was dressed in the same hospital gown as I was, holding a similar IV machine with her papery, varicose-veined arms.
Her face was done up in a bouquet of bright colors: Red cakey lips, thick magenta blush that swept from nose to temple along her sagging cheekbones, vibrant green eye shadow that was partly obscured by the heavy folds of her eyelids.
Creepy Clown Lady.
I was stuck to the floor, unable to move and unwil ing to take my eyes off of her. She slowly came my way but didn’t look up at me. Though the sight of her was eerie as al hel , in some way, I was glad to see her. It felt like it had been awhile and once my tongue found its movement again, I knew I would have a lot to ask her.
It felt like an eternity until she was halfway down the hal and right in front of me. She went to the left of me in her slow shuffle. She kept her eyes on the ground, only looking up at me at the last minute. Her pale blue, clouded eyes met mine, briefly, and in them I saw a multitude of warnings.
I opened my mouth to say something but she kept going, as if she didn’t know me. Somewhere I found the strength to speak.
“Hey,” I croaked ineloquently. I reached out and grabbed her arm lightly and a green/blue spark erupted from the contact. It seemed to fuse my fingers to her skin and she stopped, reluctantly turning her pin-curled head. I had never touched her before. Her solidity surprised me.
She looked into my eyes, obviously recognizing me, and her accented voice flooded my brain while her chalky, dried lips remained closed.
I can’t stay. I have to go, she said.
Where is everyone? I thought, trying to project it to her.
You’re not supposed to be here. It’s happening too soon. There was a tinge of alarm in her voice, which made the hairs on my arms stand up.
What is?
Her eyes dropped to the ground and for the first time I realized how smal and frail she was. Despite the crazy makeup, in her hospital gown she looked someone’s forgotten grandmother, lost in the world.
I tried to warn you. I left that message. I know you heard it.
I did but I didn’t know what it meant. Am in trouble?
Yes, she said matter-of-factly . You’re in terrible trouble, Perry. And I haven’t been able to come see you. I can’t anymore.
You’re seeing me now.
You’re not where you think you are.
The thought struck me cold. I looked back down at my gown, at the glossy floor and the empty, sterile hal way. It suddenly occurred to me that I may not be in a hospital. I may not be anywhere.
Where am I? I asked incredulously.
It would be best if you didn’t know.
Are you kidding me? I thought angrily, pressing my fingers deeper into her arm. Do you think you’re actually being helpful? You think you can come here, show up in my life like this and fuck around with me?!