I got out of the car, squeezing out between the seats and looked around me. I had no idea what part of Seattle we were in, maybe Bellevue? It was quite a smart-looking area with lots of little cozy-looking cafes and posh boutiques that were done up in twinkling Christmas decorations. It was another reminder that the season was upon us and Christmas would be here before we knew it. I just couldn’t get into the spirit for the life of me. It seemed like my whole life had boiled down to just this one week in Seattle. Looking beyond this trip seemed impossible.
It had stopped raining, too, which was good, but the wind was picking up and for once the air was fraught with winter chill. The kind of chill that smells like snow, like a massive breeze had stormed down a snowy mountainside and danced in and out between the city buildings. I held my coat close around me, stuck my hands deep in the pockets and joined Dex and Jenn on the sidewalk.
“We’re a few blocks away, but at least it’s not raining,” Jenn said as we walked down the street together.
“Heaven forbid you try to find a parking spot close to where we need to be,” Dex sniped from behind us.
Both Jenn and I turned and gave him a look that probably matched. Maybe mine looked more concerned than Jenn’s.
“What the hell is up your ass tonight?” she asked.
“Nothing,” he shot back but as he did so, he winced considerably.
I stopped and made him stop, too, by placing my hand on his chest briefly. I was starting to worry again. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he said, calmer now. He avoided Jenn’s eyes but once he saw mine, he relented and said, “Just a sudden migraine or something.”
Uh oh. The guilt took hold of my heart and squeezed it.
Jenn sighed and gave him the keys to the Mini. “There’s some Excedrin in the glove compartment.”
He nodded thanks, wincing at the movement, and took off down the road back to the car. Jenn pulled at my arm, turning me around and led me on our way to the restaurant, walking slow enough for Dex to catch up.
“Does he get headaches often?” I asked, hoping that he did. He never seemed to when he was around me. Maybe Jenn brought them on. That wouldn’t have surprised me at all.
“Sometimes,” she said casually. “He used to when we first started dating. Not so much in the last year or so. I don’t know, I don’t really pay attention.”
No kidding, I thought.
She caught the look on my face and explained, “You know Dex, it’s always something.”
That was true but he was still her boyfriend. Speaking of which…
I stopped and looked behind us expecting to see Dex heading back from the car. Only I couldn’t see him anywhere on the dark street.
I glanced at Jenn. “Where did he go?”
She shook her head and then had a quick look at her diamante watch.
“I have no idea but we’re already running late.”
Yeah, cuz you can’t park worth shit.
And then she turned around again and started back on her way. I couldn’t believe it. I stood my ground and said, “I’m going to go find him.”
She sighed, long and exasperated, but it made her stop. She came back to me and said, “Fine.”
We hurried down the sidewalk, looking for him. Maybe he was back at the car. Maybe he popped into a store.
But the car was empty and the closest store was a linen shop. Not exactly Dex territory.
“Dex?” I called out. A few passersby turned at the sound of my voice but kept walking.
“Arghh,” Jenn growled, and pulled out her phone. “I’ll just call him.”
We waited for a few seconds. I could hear the phone ring through her phone. And then I heard Dex’s suddenly ironic “Final Countdown” ringtone ring out into the air. Jenn and I looked at each other and then took off down the street toward the sound, which was actually past the car in the opposite direction.
“Dex?” she called as we looked around us.
We followed the sound, the ringtone that kept repeating, sounding more ominous with each tinny ring.
We turned a slight corner and found ourselves looking down a dirty, narrow alley. Halfway down, beside a Dumpster, Dex was sitting on the ground, his head between his legs, his hands covering his ears.
The sight shocked my heart. It apparently shocked Jenn, too, because she just stood there at the entrance to the alley, looking more annoyed and afraid then concerned. I gave her a crazy look and ran over to Dex as fast as I could go.
“Dex!” I cried out softly and dropped to my knees in front of him, the cold wet ground immediately soaking me.
I placed my hands gently on his shoulders but he didn’t look up. I looked wildly at Jenn and couldn’t believe she was still standing there.
“Jenn!” I yelled at her. I turned back to Dex and scooched in closer. I took a quick look at his body; he seemed fine, but was behaving like a little boy in the middle of a nightmare. I couldn’t see his face at all and it was unnerving.
I put my hands on his and lifted them off his ears. They were cold. I squeezed them and slowly tried to rub some life back into them.
“Dex?” I whispered. “It’s Perry. Dex, are you OK? I’m here. You’re safe. Please just let me know you’re OK.”
I felt Jenn come behind me and stop.
“He’s fine,” she said.
My jaw dropped and I whipped my head around to give her a vicious look. “How the hell do you know he’s fine?”
“Because he used to do this. Didn’t you, Dex? I thought he was done with the panic attacks.”
“Panic attacks?” I repeated and looked back at him. He slowly raised his head and looked at us. Me first, then Jenn. His eyes were red like he had been crying.
“I am fine,” he said, emotionless.
“See,” she said. “Now I’m going to the restaurant before Sarah and Jorge think we’ve ditched them.”
And then she just turned on her heel and walked down the alley, disappearing around the corner.
I wiped her behavior out of my head and turned my attention back to Dex. How could he be fine? He was sitting on the wet ground in a city alley, in the dark. He was the furthest thing from fine and even if it was just a panic attack, that was nothing to brush off.
He wasn’t looking at me anymore. His eyes were closed shut. I touched his cheek and laid my palm against his icy face.
“What happened?”
He shook his head slightly.
“Please, Dex,” I implored and leaned in closer. I put my other hand on his face and raised his head somewhat. He opened his eyes and looked into mine. My insides crumbled at how lost and scared he looked. Seeing him like this made brought the threat of tears to my eyes.
“What happened? You can tell me. You can trust me. You know you can. Is it…your medication?”