“See, it’s weird,” he said with a sigh and looked away. “I shouldn’t be saying these things to you.”
“No,” I mumbled, trying to focus on Fat Rabbit, who had gotten bored of us and was now sniffing at the wet grass. “You shouldn’t.”
“I’m going to try and put what happened on the island past us.”
“What happened?” I repeated absently.
“Yeah. What happened. With us. That whole trip just seemed like…a dream, didn’t it?”
I nodded. It had. Like a terrible yet enthralling dream, or a flashback to a drug trip.
“It was a dream,” I said, still avoiding his eyes. “And a mistake.”
I didn’t really believe that. At least, I never thought it was a mistake. Not until this moment when I realized how weird it had made things between us. The elephant in the room.
“You think it was a mistake?” he asked. The subtle vulnerability in his voice drew my eyes to him. He was still so close to me, the steam from our collective breaths meeting in the small space between us. He was staring at me in all seriousness. No easy leer, no sarcastic smirk, no horndog grin. It was just him, stripped of any defenses for a few rare seconds.
“Don’t you think it was wrong?” I challenged quietly, not wanting to raise my voice in our sheltered enclave.
His head twitched in a small side-to-side movement. No. He continued to watch me, sincere yet unreadable.
Do you regularly cheat on your girlfriend?, I wanted to ask. Do you normally harbor desires to go down on your partner? How is it not a mistake to you? Look at us!
But I didn’t say any of that. Instead, I said in my breeziest voice, “I agree, anyway. We need to put it past us. What’s done is done. That island was a whole lot of cray cray. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I punched you.”
Finally the smirk returned to his wide mouth. “And I’m sorry for being a…what was it? Shithead? Fuckface? There’s been so many words to describe me lately that I can’t keep track.”
“They are all applicable,” I said with a smile.
He playfully punched me in the shoulder. It was awkward. Then he stepped away from me and out into the rain and looked down at the dog. “Well, Fat Rabbit.”
The dog looked up at him. Poor Jenn. He was never going to be a Harvey.
We turned around and headed back the way we came, both silent, both lost in our own heads for most of the walk back.
His phone beeped and he fished it out of his pocket. Probably Jenn, checking up on him, I thought.
“What are you doing on Wednesday?” he asked me, peering at the screen.
“Me? I don’t know. You tell me.”
“Rebecca just texted. She wants to take you out for lunch.”
I raised my brows at him. “What? Why?”
He shook his head at me, wincing a little, his eyes becoming squinty. “Because she wants to get to know you better. She wants to be your friend, kiddo.”
Huh. I actually thought Rebecca didn’t like me.
“I wish you could see what I see,” he added with some weight to his tone.
“What do you mean?”
He stopped abruptly and crossed his arms. Fat Rabbit honked uncomfortably, pulled back at the collar. “I wish you could see what I see in you. What others see in you.”
I opened my mouth to protest but he just raised his hand to pause me and said, “And I know you’re trying. You’re a lot different from the girl I bumped into in the lighthouse. It’s just frustrating to me.”
“Well, I am trying,” I admitted. “You know, that whole ‘Anonymous’ thing-”
“Don’t even start with that,” he said angrily. “I told you to forget that stupid shit.”
I frowned at his reaction. “I know, but it’s hard. But anyway, I have been feeling better, I’ve been going to the bootcamp and I feel stronger and-”
“You look amazing and you know it.”
I did a double-take at him.
“But you don’t need me to tell you that,” he continued. “And you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t need to have to lose some weight in order to feel better about yourself.”
“Well, OK, Oprah. When did you become a self-help guru for women’s self-esteem?” I said testily.
He laughed and started walking. I followed alongside him. “OK, fair enough. I am probably the last person you should listen to. But look, Rebecca likes you and wants to take you out. And I think you should go.”
“Well, of course I’ll go. I just didn’t think she liked me.”
“She can be bit…rough…at times. She speaks her mind, she’s blunt. And she’s a bit of a shit disturber to tell you the truth. But you could use a woman like her in your life. And everyone likes you, Perry.”
“Seb and Dean?”
“Yeah. They liked you even before they met you. And I know other people will be won over by you too. My friend Todd is dying to meet you. He and his wife are really…just…the best.”
“And does Jenn like me?” I asked cautiously.
Dex rubbed his chin quickly and looked down at his phone in the other one. “What should I tell Rebecca? You’re on?”
“Yes. We’re on. But don’t ignore the question.”
He lifted a finger to shush me and quickly typed something out on the screen. Then he put the phone away, came out with a piece of Nicorette and popped it in his mouth.
“Jenn likes you,” he said between chews. “You’re just a lot different. She’s probably trying to figure you out. But she likes you, she really does.”
I didn’t say anything to that. As we walked back to the apartment, all I could think about was that Dex had just lied to my face. Old habits do die hard.