All I’ll ever need to feel whole is Morgan, and the knowledge that her heart continues to beat, that her blood runs freely through her veins, and her soul remains tucked deep within her, protected from all evil.
Morgan is perfection. Mine forever. I’ll never stop fighting for her, with her, or to have her. I learnt the hard way to never go to bed angry because tomorrow just might not come. I’ll spend every day for the remainder of my life showing Morgan love in its purest form, making her feel the definition of the word beauty. I will help her heal over the coming years.
I saved her once, and I’ll save her each and every day for the rest of my life.
Morgan
I survived, I endured, and I won.
Now I need to find a way to rebuild my life, even though scars remain thick on my shins and scattered all over my body. And then there are the tattoos on the inner side of my arm that I keep covered for the moment; until I can bring myself to look at them without trembling or bursting into tears.
The wolf’s still with me, permanently inked on my skin, and forever playing games with my mind. Even though he died, I don’t think I’ll ever be completely free again—free from Logan, free from the fight. The doctors tell me often that in time I’ll forget certain things, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to escape the visions plaguing me. How do you forget something like this? How can you not be forever changed?
For now, I spend my days embracing this new version of myself: scars, panic attacks, anxiety, and all. I know I’ll continue to get stronger, more confident, and less jumpy and fearful. If I could survive days in a dense, hot, terrifying bushland with a maniac, and then survive being clinically dead, I guess I can brave this aftermath, too.
Today, I’m in the one place on earth that feels pure and giving, that cleanses my soul and washes some of my torment away. This is a place our family needs to spend time to make the big decisions on where our future will begin. I want it to be in Barbados, far away from Australia, and far away from Reid’s parents’ place in Melbourne where we have been staying.
We never did go home to the house we’d spent years making for ourselves, the one next door to an elderly couple whom we’d loved like our own family. There was no point returning to a tarnished neighbourhood that only represented betrayal, pain, and heartache.
John tried to take everything from us in the most underhanded way, and Shirley? Well, she broke my heart when she stood by John, and continued to throughout his trial, regardless of what he’d done to me, to our family.
Twenty years to life imprisonment, with the chance of parole after fifteen served, was John’s punishment. Shirley? I’ve no idea where she ended up and I couldn’t care. I hope wherever she is that she’s living uncomfortably and filled with regret. I still don’t believe she was as innocent as she claimed. And regardless of what Reid and the detectives have said, I believe Shirley knew where I was and who had me just as John did. I also think Shirley’s guilt got the better of her or she feared the possibility of spending the remainder of her life behind bars. Why else would she have come to Reid in the early morning only to later stand by her husband’s side in the aftermath. We’ll never truly know the entire truth, but I hope Shirley is somewhere praying for her sins.
“Mummy. Mummy. Come spin with me.” My sweet Aleeha has her arms outstretched on either side of her body and her neck extended so far back the only view she’d be able to see is the sky above her. “Mum, are you doing it?”
“Yeah, poppet, I am.”
We spin, and we spin, and we spin.
“I’m getting dizzy, princess.” I giggle.
“Keep going, Mummy,” she squeals.
“Oh, oh, oh.” I stumble over my feet. “I’m going to fall!” I laugh.
“That’s the best part!” she laughs.
And we do fall, both of us, lying side by side on the sand. Aleeha continues to giggle so much I can’t help but join her, and I laugh until I cry. I cry because sometimes I think I’m dead, hidden away in an underground graveyard, and that this isn’t real at all, because I never did make it home.
“Are you crying, Mummy?” Aleeha’s tone is filled with concern.
“Happy tears, baby. They’re happy tears.”
She kisses my cheek. “They’re the best tears to have.”
I rub my hands up and down my face. “They are. Come on, let’s do it again.”
“I’m spinning this time, too.” Brax leans over the top of me.
“I bet I can out-spin you, Brax. Let’s do this.”
“Do you need a hand up?” Reid leans over me, right beside Brax, and I have this moment of pure happiness that rips through my body, stealing my breath.
“Thank you, kind sir.”
We spin, and spin, and spin in circles on one of the most beautiful beaches in the world until we crash from dizziness, landing on top of one another. Every sound of laughter that follows is priceless—there is no value. Every arm tangled in every limb speaks of our unity.
“I love you, Mum,” Brax whispers in my ear. I roll my head and kiss his cheek.
“I love you, too, Brax.
“I love you more, Mummy.” Aleeha’s lips peck mine.
“I love you, too, Aleeha.
“You’re my forever, Morgan.” Reid’s fingers link with mine.
“And you’re mine. Let’s move here. It can be home.”
“I’d like that.” Reid’s blue eyes sparkle above me as he lowers his head. “I love you,” he says against my lips.
And he does, and he will, until the very end of my life.