CHAPTER NINETEEN
Dex
“Stay with me.”
I must have said those words a million times. Just holding onto Perry, trying to bring her to me, into this world we shared but was so brutally shattered.
Some days she couldn’t even get out of her bed. So I let her be. Most of the time, I joined her, just holding on, feeling her skin, her warmth, her assurance that she was still alive even though her mind was a million miles away.
Other times, I had to get up. I had to be part of the world. There were more people hurting than just her, people she cared about. I had to make sure Ada was keeping up on her studies. She didn’t have to go back to school – it was June and her grade was graduating anyway. She was allowed to pass but her teachers thought it was best that she still learn what she missed, to prepare for the next year.
So I became the despondent schoolteacher, trying to distract her if nothing else. It didn’t always work, but sometimes it did. Poor little girl. While Perry was struggling, I knew her heart, knew her strength. Perry would pull out, in time. At least, I had faith she would.
But Ada, I didn’t know about her. She was feisty and bull-headed as shit but in this sorrow, she wasn’t herself. She was just this walking blonde numb thing that roamed the house, silent. She was a ghost.
And then there was Daniel. He was the trickiest of all, mainly because he wasn’t my father. Not that my own father would have been any easier, but it felt like I had no authority over him. It wasn’t my right to tell him to eat or to shower, and so I didn’t. But I had some pull with the neighbors. One down the street, Debbie, whom insisted we call her DeeBee, became the Palomino’s guardian angel. She had no problems bossing her way into their life and making sure their ship was being run.
But most of all, I focused just on Perry. Just on bringing her back to life. Everything else was just put on hold. I talked to Rebecca every other day, make sure Fat Rabbit was being taken care of, that she was all right. I talked to Dead and to Seb. I talked to Jimmy and finally got the chance to tell him Experiment in Terror was over for good. There was a lot of yelling but I think he understood. He had no choice.
I even talked to my real father. He contacted me, finding me the same I found him. We talked twice and both times it was awkward. He asked about the wedding again and I wasn’t sure if he was hinting for an invitation. I was truthful with him – I wasn’t sure there was even going to be a wedding.
It was everything I wanted, a chance to start a new family. But it had to have come from Perry. She had to be the one to tell me. She had to want to move on. There’s nothing harder than trying to celebrate something – no matter how happy it makes you – when there is just so much fucking sorrow around you. Sorrow clouds everything grey, even the sunshine.
Her mother did have a lovely funeral, if you could use such a word to describe such an event. I guess you can’t. I’ve never done very well at funerals – having to say goodbye to an old friend a week before was hard enough. But somehow we all got through it. We all said goodbye. There was closure.
At least for Ada and Perry there was some sort of closure. They knew what had happened, they knew what their mother had done for them. But their father was another story. In his eyes – and what matched the reports of the other witnesses – was that she went crazy with grief over Ada and had leapt in front of the train. It didn’t matter that the doctor who was trying to help them had made a note of the way that Ada and her mother were acting, their eyes turning black, the things they said, their inhuman strength. None of that mattered. It was so easy to sweep it away. I was used to it, the way people can turn a blind eye to the unexplained. I had done the same once. It was easier that way.
The truth hurts.
But the truth also saves.
It saved me. And, in time, it saved Perry.
One day, about a month after New York, she woke up in the morning and gazed at me with these beautifully clear eyes.
“I had a dream,” she said and though her round eyes began to water, she didn’t cry. “Pippa and my mother were in it.”
I smiled and brushed her hair off her face. “Tell me about it.”
“Well,” she said, sitting up. I made sure the pillow was fluffed behind her. “We were by a waterfall. It looked like the Pacific Northwest and also like the Veil. Like, it had that one color. But it wasn’t grey, it was gold. Everything was gold, like autumn leaves. And the three of us were just watching the water go over the edge. I guess I knew they were about to jump.” She sighed, blinking, composing herself. “And they both hugged me and kissed me and told me to take care of myself, to take care of Ada, to take care of my dad to take care of you. They said they loved me and I would see them again one day. Then they let go of me and together they jumped over the edge. I remembered looking over and seeing the whole waterfall turn to sparkles, like fairy dust. And that was it.”
I had no idea my own eyes filling with tears as she said this, I had to quickly wipe them before they fell.
“Baby,” I whispered. “That’s beautiful.”
She managed a smile. “It was. And you know what, I think it was real. I think it was more than a dream. I just…I feel like they’re okay, both of them. They have each other. They’re happy.” She put her hand to her heart. “I feel it here. Right in here.”
And somehow, I felt it too.
After that, Perry seemed to pull herself out of her depression. The grief was still there, it still smothered her from time to time, but she was putting one foot in front of the other and managing to go on. For a few weeks, we both took reins of the household, and with the help of bossy DeeBee, made sure everyone was going to be okay.
Finally it was time for us to go home. To our home.
***
“Well, here’s to the groom to be,” Dean said, raising his beer in the air.
“Here’s to my best man,” I said, knocking my bottle against the bottom of his, ensuring that a rush of foam would be surging to the top.
“You’re such a dick, Dex,” he whined after he tried to slurp up the beer that spilled over.
I gave him a one-shoulder shrug. “I don’t mind being called a dick. Why not highlight my best feature, right?”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re an asshole too, you know.”
I grinned. “Tight as a whistle.”
He grimaced. “Please tell me Perry and Rebecca will be here soon because I don’t know if I can handle another moment of bro night.”
“They’ll be here,” I assured him, leaning back in my seat. We were in one of my favorite bars on 2nd Ave. Perry and Rebecca had gone and done girly shit so I decided to get together with Dean and meet up with them later. Now that Dean had officially accepted as best man and Rebecca had accepted as a bridesmaid, it felt right to have a little soiree.
I gave him a wry look. “So, you getting any preggo sex?”
He rolled his eyes. “Dude, she’s still a lesbian.”
“A lesbian you put your dick in. Your super sperm got her pregnant. I don’t think it’s that far-fetched to think that you may still be hitting that.”
“Hitting that?” he scoffed.
“Sorry. Fucking that vagina with your dick. Better?”
“Dex you need to get more idioms. Join us in the future, will you?”
“Can’t happen, my friend. I’m getting married. Didn’t you hear? That means that Perry accepts me as I am, faults and all. It also means I don’t have to ever change.” I took a swig of my beer and burped. “Isn’t that brilliant?”
“For you, maybe.” He shook his head in mock sorrow. “Poor Perry.”
Thankfully, Dean’s baby mama and my wife-to-be showed up before our conversation could disintegrate along with the contents of our drinks.
“Were you guys talking about us?” Perry asked, settling into the booth, a round Rebecca going beside Dean. The first thing I noticed was the stiff way Perry sat down. It was almost like she was trying to match Rebecca.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her.
She immediately looked at Rebecca.
“I told you he would know,” Rebecca said in her smart accent, though she looked awfully relieved to be sitting down. Next to Dean. No preggo sex, my ass. He was totally hitting that. Sorry, fucking her vagina. God.
“What, what?” I asked.
Perry breathed out of her nose in a huff and then said, “Okay, promise not to get mad.”
I frowned as she lifted up her shirt and exposed a black patch of plastic on her ribcage, the kind tattoo artists use.
“You got a tattoo?” I asked.
She nodded. “It’s not of you though.” She peeled back a corner and I saw a detailed blue and black waterfall with the names Maximus, Pippa and Mom on it. It was actually quite awesome. “You’re not mad?” she asked.
I shook my head, taking it in and feeling a bit of sorrow at the sight of Maximus. “Of course not. It’s beautiful. And painful looking. That must have hurt.”
She nodded.
I went on, “Why did you think I’d be mad?”
She tilted her head to the side in thought. “I don’t know, I guess cuz Maximus was on there too. And I’d only just got the anchor for you.”
“Kiddo,” I said, pulling her close to me and kissing her temple. “First of all, you can get a million tattoos, I don’t care. And second of all, I think your mom and Pippa would love it. And Maximus, well, his ego would love it too. I think it’s wonderful, really.”
And I did. It made my insides seem all warm and fluttery, though that could have been the beer and shots of Jameson.
She smiled. “OK, good. I just wanted to honor everyone, you know.”
I nodded. I knew.
I gave her another kiss and ordered Perry her favorite beer and Rebecca a club soda with lime. After our drinks came, the four of us raised our glasses to another.
“Here’s to living the good life,” I said, making sure to look them all in the eye. “And if not the good life, then just life in general. Here is to living life.”
We all clinked glasses and bottles, Dean getting mine good this time, my beer flowing over.
I grinned at him, grinned at Rebecca, grinned at Perry.
Life was good.
And it was only going to get better.