‘That’s right,’ says Christian, calmly. ‘You see? You do have it in you. You just need a little… motivation. We could be unstoppable, you and me. Which is why…’ He reaches behind the curtain and drags Katie out by her hair and pulls her across the concrete floor. Her mouth is taped up, her arms tied behind her back.
‘You’re probably a little angry with me now, big bro,’ he says, letting go of Katie and pulling a long blade out of the back of his trousers. He crouches down and lowers the point to just an inch or two from Katie’s neck. Nathan can see Katie’s eyes bulge as she struggles to get away, but Christian has one boot on her hair, holding her firmly in place. ‘You’ll forgive me when all this is done. In fact, you’ll be grateful I helped you to be who you were always destined to be. Now, the scenario is very simple. You need to do what you should have done just a few minutes ago. You need to turn Markham’s head to pulp. If you manage that, and I know deep down you’re desperate to, then in taking one life you will have saved two. First, our little girlfriend here.’ He pauses to let that information sink in. ‘Second, the life of Markham’s daughter, who I believe you ran into and…’ Christian tries to twist his face in mock concern, but the skin is tight and resists, ‘caused some distress.’
‘Please,’ says Markham, palms pressed together as if in prayer. ‘You promised not to hurt Tracy. I’m begging you.’
‘He really is begging,’ says Christian, keeping his eyes on Nathan. ‘Strange, if you ask me, coming from a man who was happy to stand back and watch his daughter being assaulted all those years ago. But there you go – some people are a little strange.’ He lifts the knife from Katie’s neck and tugs his sleeve back with his teeth, revealing a small black watch. ‘Now, I’m sure you didn’t tell anyone else you were coming here. You were, after all, desperate to commit a murder. I know the look you had in your eyes when you ran in here, so why don’t you just hurry up and get it done, then we can be on our way.’
Nathan’s mind is starting to swim, backwards and forwards, memories from his childhood washing into the present day. He’s still gripping the pole, but more for support than in threat.
‘I saw it,’ he says, thinking of the bag he’s left in Katie’s car. ‘I stood on the edge a year ago and stared right into the heart of my darkness. I resisted then, and I’m going to resist now.’
‘Are you sure?’ Christian places the knife against Katie’s throat again.
Nathan’s whirling mind suddenly finds focus in Katie’s eyes. She’s staring up at him, unblinking, and although she can’t talk he knows what she’s trying to say. She wants him to let her die.
‘I can’t do that,’ he says to her softly. He bends down slowly and places the pole on the ground again. When he rises back up he takes a single step towards his brother.
‘I don’t know what happened to you,’ he says.
‘Nothing happened to me!’ Christian snaps back. ‘Other than what was supposed to happen. You think you’re better, but you’re not. You’re just less honest.’
A long breath leaves Nathan. ‘What about Mum? You were there, weren’t you? You were the first home.’
Christian shakes his head. ‘I don’t want to talk about her.’
‘Why not?’ Nathan takes another step forward, holding his brother’s gaze. ‘Surely this is the perfect day to talk about her, to talk about what happened exactly twenty years ago.’
It’s Christian’s turn to move, retreating a step and brushing the thick curtain. His boot is no longer on Katie’s hair, and his knife is no longer at her neck, but he could still reach her if he wanted to, long before Nathan could stop him. ‘I didn’t kill her, if that’s what you’re saying.’
Nathan is calling on his memory, drawing up every detail of the room on that day. Had her body been arranged like those he’s seen recently? He shakes his head, dismissing the thought. ‘You spoke to her about your problem?’
‘I spoke to her about who we were,’ says Christian. ‘She told me all I needed was to follow her lead and find an outlet.’ He shakes his head. ‘She showed me those pathetic books, said it was enough to put things down on the page.’ He steps forward and lowers the knife towards Katie, drawing a line just an inch in front of her nose. ‘I think I convinced her in the end that it would never be enough. Sadly she chose to take the coward’s way out.’
Nathan can see his mum’s lifeless form, and he can feel in his fingertips the coldness of her skin. He can also see those words. After all those millions she had written for strangers, just six left for them.
‘You found my journal?’
‘Found it. Read it. Loved it. I think that’s when I first started to feel the connection between us. It was so good to have proof that we were the same.’
‘Just words,’ says Nathan quietly, repeating those spoken by Katie. ‘What about the photo?’ he asks. ‘Why was it just me?’
‘Because she was deluded,’ Christian spits, dragging the knife across Katie’s face, cutting a deep slice into her cheek.
‘You can’t!’ Nathan cries out, disbelievingly. ‘You can’t.’
‘Mum thought one could be different to the other,’ Christian continues, as if he hasn’t heard his brother. ‘She thought your darkness wasn’t the same. But I know better. And so, deep down, do you.’
Nathan takes another step, his hands now behind his back. He’s just a few feet from Christian, and it’s like he can feel the connection between them rising and disappearing like a wave.
‘You want to know why I’m not going to take anybody’s life today,’ he says. ‘It’s because whatever it was that existed between us has gone. You killed it. You killed it the moment you did this.’ He looks down at Katie, at all that blood that for once he cannot bear to see. ‘You did what I would never have done. You hurt the person I love.’ One more step, and he’s almost in touching distance, but Nathan’s arms remain behind his back. ‘In that one stroke of a knife you’ve proven the absolute difference between us. You’ve shown me that I am better than you.’ He feels himself straightening, towering over his brother. ‘All the years I stayed away because I thought I was the sick one, the one that might contaminate you…’ He twists his neck, feeling the ripple of tension across his shoulders. ‘I would have given up my life for you – I was going to, on this very day – so that you might never know. A cowardly thing to do, perhaps, but it felt right.’ He looks at the knife, at the sharpened edge covered in Katie’s blood. ‘It still does. I’m sorry, little brother, so sorry to have to leave you alone, but you and I are, and always will be, different.’
Christian makes as if to speak, but nothing comes out.
Nathan no longer sees the person he spent twenty years of his life with as he carefully dismantles him with his eyes: the loss of fingers that had once tickled him, pinched him, punched him, and the one finger he had shut in a car door, the first change, the first superficial difference between them.
Without taking his eyes off Nathan’s, Christian draws the knife across Katie’s other cheek.
‘You love her,’ he says. It sounds like an accusation.
‘Yes,’ says Nathan, trembling as he watches the blood streaming out of Katie.
‘More than me?’
‘More than you.’
Christian stares in disbelief, then looks down at Katie, taking the knife and sinking it into her stomach.
‘No!’ Nathan screams.
‘You know this is your fault. You know that you’re killing her with these lies.’
‘Fine!’ says Nathan, desperately. ‘You’re right. I don’t feel a thing. I was lying. I was just trying to hurt you.’
‘It’s too late,’ says Christian. ‘I’ve seen enough.’ He tips his head back, staring up at the spotlights, barking a laugh that falls dead as it hits the surrounding curtains. ‘Mum never found love, either.’
‘She died because of it,’ says Nathan tentatively.