“You call that ethical? Falling in love with a patient?”
He shrugged. “Her marriage was already broken. Her relationship with your father was a farce. She was already going to leave him. Your father could be very controlling. Toward the end, she was even afraid of him.”
Kate frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“Shortly before she came to us they had a fight and he struck her.”
“No, that can’t be right.” Her mind felt foggy. “My father’s never hit anyone in his life. He doesn’t believe in corporal punishment.”
Stigler shrugged. “Maybe it happened when you weren’t there?”
Kate recalled her mother’s increasingly bizarre behavior, her violent outbursts. But Bram had never responded in kind. Instead, he would take off in his car or go to his study, leaving Julia to lick her imagined wounds. Silence and retreat were her father’s biggest weapons.
“She was determined to leave him,” Stigler said. “What can I say? We fell in love. We were going to get married. She asked your father for a divorce, but he refused. Worst of all, he threatened to fight for full custody of you girls. I think that’s what finally pushed her over the edge.”
Kate flinched. “Wait a second. Are you blaming him for her suicide?”
Stigler sighed. “Look, I made peace with my losses a long time ago. I have no agenda in this discussion. I’m just laying it all out there. You can make up your own mind. I only know what your mother told me.”
Kate recalled their beloved cat, Phoebe. It was Julia’s cat, actually. A neighbor brought over a basket of kittens one day, and Julia had picked the runt of the litter. But Bram was very upset because he hadn’t been consulted. The kitten was always underfoot. She peed on the rug and ignored the litter box. He would nudge Phoebe away with his foot and gripe about the high cost of cat food and vet bills. A few months later, Savannah shrieked when she found the dead cat in the yard, flies buzzing around the corpse.
“She was probably exaggerating,” Kate protested. “She had a tendency to dramatize.”
“But I believed her.”
“How dare you blame him!”
“Look,” Stigler said patiently, “you came to me, and I welcome the opportunity to share my side of the story. My truth. Isn’t that what you tell your patients, Dr. Wolfe? Face the truth and know thyself?”
Kate felt lightheaded. “I should be going.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Kate bolted out of the office and hurried down the corridor, her stomach roiling. She spotted a restroom and yanked the door open, but didn’t quite make it into a stall. She threw up all over the checkered tiles.
43
KATE’S PHONE BATTERY WAS running low; she’d forgotten to charge it last night. She tried calling Palmer Dyson on his cell phone, but he wasn’t picking up, so she left a brief message. “Hi, this is Kate. We need to talk. Give me a call as soon as you can.” He’d be upset about her meeting with Professor Stigler, but she could live with the consequences.
She drove back across town toward her old neighborhood, and was relieved to find her father’s Ford Ranger parked in his driveway. She got out of her car, hurried across the snowy yard, and banged on the door. After a few moments her father opened it.
“Kate? What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I got your message. We need to talk,” she said, scraping her boots on the welcome mat.
“Come in. I was just putting some groceries away.”
The house smelled of leather and rain. She sat at the kitchen table, while he started the coffee maker and put away the groceries. He reached the top shelves with ease and stacked items according to their expiration dates. Beneath the harsh fluorescent lights, the ravages of time were revealed on his face.
Kate stiffened her resolve. “Remember when Phoebe died?” she asked.
“The cat?”
“We thought she was poisoned.”
“No, it was some sort of virus,” Bram said.
“Really? Because I don’t remember her being sick.”
“Cats die all the time,” he said irritably. “What’s your point?”
“I think she was poisoned.”
The coffee maker beeped, and the smell of fresh-brewed coffee filled the kitchen. “Where’s this coming from?” he asked.
Kate decided to get straight to the point. “Did you ever hit Mom?”
He flinched involuntarily. “Hit her? No. Why? What’s this about?”
“Did you hit her before she committed herself to Godwin Valley?”
He folded his arms across his chest. “I loved your mother. Why are you asking me these ridiculous questions? Where’s this hostility coming from?”
“Dad.” She jabbed the table with her finger. “We are going to have this conversation. It’s a simple question. Did you hit Mom during an argument? Sometimes we lash out in anger. Nobody’s perfect. Her behavior was becoming more erratic… maybe you lost your temper?”
“No, Kate.” Her father shook his head. “It’s not true.”
“William Stigler told me that’s exactly what happened.”
“Who?” A pall came over him. “What did you just say?”
“I went to see him today.”
His face fell. “You know about him and your mother, then?”
“Yes.”
“Who told you?”
She stared at him in disbelief. “Are you serious? Did you think you could keep it from me forever?”
“I certainly hoped so.”
“Why?”
“Because you wouldn’t have understood.”
“So you let me think she went back to the asylum?”
“It was just an infatuation,” Bram insisted. “When your mother came home from the hospital, I was so relieved at first. I figured it was a fresh start. But then she told me she’d fallen in love with someone else, though I recognized it for what it was. She got crushes all the time. Your mother feared love. She feared commitment. She ran away from our marriage, but I knew that if I let her go, she’d be back. She always came back. So I called her bluff and told her to go. Told her, ‘Move in with him, if that’s what you want. Because God knows, feeling better about yourself is much more important than marriage and children.’” His eyes were fraught with pain. “I figured she’d come to her senses eventually, and the whole thing would blow over. Then after she died, I didn’t think it mattered anymore. She was gone, and nothing was going to bring her back.”
“She asked for a divorce?”
He gave a reluctant nod.
“And you threatened to withhold custody of Savannah and me?”
“No.” He blinked a couple of times.
“But Professor Stigler said—”
“Well, he’s lying!” Her father slammed his fist on the table. “That’s nonsense, Kate. Complete and utter nonsense! First of all, your mother didn’t commit herself voluntarily. I had to drive her over there myself. I could see she was losing her grip, and I was genuinely afraid for her. Her behavior was becoming dangerous. Don’t you remember the morning she blew out the pilot light, turned on the gas, and was about to light her Zippo? She almost blew up the house, with you girls in it! I had to knock the lighter out of her hand. And she kept running away from home. I’d find her down by the river with her shoes soaked. She thought the coats and jackets were talking to her, and that there was an evil being living in the walls, talking to her in ‘scratch language.’ She was in an extremely fragile state of mind.” Bram took a seat at the table and pressed his palms over his eyes. “Dr. Holley kept me informed about her progress, and I participated in some of her therapy sessions. I honestly thought she was getting better.” He looked up at her. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s too painful.”