If I could have spat, I would.
Here it was again. All of my life, bounded by the Obin. Bounded not in who I was, but what I was. By what I meant to them. There was nothing about my own life that mattered in this, except what entertainment I could give them as billions of Obin played the records of my life like it was a funny show. If any other girl had been Charles Boutin’s daughter, they would have happily watched her life instead. If any other girl’s adopted parents had gotten in the way of the Obin’s plan for her, they would have slaughtered them, too. Who I was meant nothing. The only thing that mattered was that I just happened to have been one man’s daughter. A man who the Obin had thought could give them something. A man whose daughter’s life they had bargained with to get that thing. A man who ended up dying because of the work he’d done for them. And now they wanted more sacrifices.
So I let Hickory and Dickory know how I felt. “I’ve already lost one parent because of the Obin,” I said, and loaded everything I could into that last word. All my anger and disgust and horror and rage, at the idea they should so casually decide to take from me two people who had only ever shown me love and affection and honor, and flick them aside like they were nothing more than an inconvenience.
I hated Hickory and Dickory that minute. Hated them in that way that comes only when someone you love takes that love and betrays it, completely and totally. Hated them because they would betray me because they believe they loved me.
I hated them.
“Everybody calm down,” John said. “No one is killing anyone. All right? This is a nonissue. Zo?, Hickory and Dickory aren’t going to kill us because we’re not going to let the colony be destroyed. Simple as that. And there is no way I would let anything happen to you, Zo?. Hickory and Dickory and I all agree that you are too important for that.”
I opened my mouth to say something to that and just started sobbing instead. I felt like I’d gone numb from the legs; suddenly Jane was there, holding me and leading me back to the couch. I sobbed on her like I did so many years ago outside that toy store, trying to sort out everything I was thinking.
I heard Dad make Hickory and Dickory swear to protect me, always, under all circumstances. They swore. I felt like I didn’t want their help or protection ever again. I knew it would pass. Even now I knew it was because of the moment that I felt this way. It didn’t change the fact that I still felt it. I was going to have to live with it from now on.
Dad talked with Hickory more about the Conclave and asked to see the Obin’s files on the other colony removals. Hickory said they would need to go to the information center to do it. Even though it was now so late it was almost morning, Dad wanted to do it right then. He gave me a kiss and headed out the door with the Obin; Jane held back a second.
“Are you going to be okay?” she asked me.
“I’m having a really intense day, Mom,” I said. “I think I want it to be over.”
“I’m sorry you had to hear what Hickory said,” Jane said. “I don’t think there would have been any good way to handle it.”
I sniffled out a small grin. “You seem to have taken it well,” I said. “If someone was telling me they had plans to kill me, I don’t think I would have taken it anywhere as calmly.”
“Let’s just say I wasn’t entirely surprised to hear Hickory say that,” Jane said. I looked up at her, surprised. “You’re a treaty condition, remember,” she said. “And you are the Obin’s main experience of what it’s like to live.”
“They all live,” I said.
“No,” Jane said. “They exist. Even with their consciousness implants they hardly know what to do with themselves, Zo?. It’s all too new to them. Their race has no experience with it. They don’t just watch you because you entertain them. They watch you because you’re teaching them how to be. You’re teaching them how to live.”
“I’ve never thought about it that way,” I said.
“I know you haven’t,” Jane said. “You don’t have to. Living comes naturally to you. More naturally than to some of the rest of us.”
“It’s been a year since any of them have seen me,” I said. “Any of them but Hickory and Dickory. If I’ve been teaching them how to live, I wonder what they’ve been doing for the last year.”
“They’ve been missing you,” Mom said, and kissed the top of my head again. “And now you know why they’ll do anything to have you back. And to keep you safe.”
I didn’t have a good answer to that. Mom gave me one last quick hug and headed to the door to join Dad and the Obin. “I don’t know how long this is going to take us,” she said. “Try going to bed again.”
“I’m too worked up to get back to sleep,” I said.