******
New Hampton: the woods
Jesus hung tough for awhile, but once they got him talking he wouldn’t shut up. It was Jay’s threat to teleport his gonads to a subway stop somewhere in the Bronx that broke him. Ray didn’t think that Ackroyd could actually do it, and he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t even if he could, but it was Ray’s experience that macho shit bags like Jesus were quite attached and often abnormally concerned about the state and condition of their gonads. Jesus started singing like the Jokertown Boys after Jay’s threat, revealing some items of interest, as well as some things that Ray already knew.
“It’s not like we’re committing a crime or anything,” Jesus confided, splitting his attention between Jay and the razor-sharp broad tip arrow that Yeoman was playing with as he looked on with dark, unrelenting eyes.
“Kidnapping isn’t a crime?” Yeoman asked flatly.
“Well, sure. If we were actually kidnapping someone. That would be a crime, sure. And a sin. But since we’re working for the church, what we’re doing can’t really be a sin, can it?”
“Wait a minute,” Ackroyd said. “The church?”
“Sure,” Jesus said confidently. “I am an obsequentus in the Allumbrados. We take our orders from the Cardinal. Directly.”
“You want to translate, that, please?” Ackroyd said.
Jesus shrugged. “Of course. Obsequentus—an ‘obedient’ in the Order of Allumbrados, The Enlightened Ones. That’s the middle rank in the Order, between credenti and perfecti,” Jesus added helpfully.
“You do this full time?” Yeoman asked in disbelief.
“Well, it’s more of a part-time thing—”
“Between drug sales,” Ray put in dryly. He had seen Jesus’ type often enough. He recognized his probable affiliation with the Colombians like a street-savvy cop could spot a pickpocket working the crowd in Times Square on New Year’s Eve.
Jesus shrugged. “Hey, a man’s got to eat. But you guys, you ruined my chance. If I found the kid I would have been promoted to perfectus.”
“Enough,” Ackroyd said. “What’s all this about the church? You’re talking about the Catholic Church?”
“I’m not talking about crazy-ass Protestants,” Jesus said. “I’m talking Mother Church. Rome. The Vatican.”
“What do they want with John Fortune?” Ackroyd asked, obviously having a hard time believing all this.
“I’ll tell you,” Jesus said, leaning forwards conspiratorially. “Then maybe you let me go.”
Yeoman snorted. “Yeah. Maybe.”
Jesus made gestures for them all to come closer, and Ray found himself leaning forward as if Jesus were telling ghost stories around the campfire. They all did. “John Fortune ain’t no kid. He’s the Anti-Christ.”
“Anti-Christ?” Ackroyd repeated.
Jesus nodded. “It’s true. He’s the Devil.”
“Jesus Christ,” Yeoman said.
Jesus pointed at him. “Exactly. Jesus Christ is coming. The End Times are upon us. Jesus and Satan will battle for the fate of the Earth. Jesus will win of course, but the Allumbrados have been doing all they can to smooth his way for him.”
“Like... kidnapping... John... Fortune,” Ackroyd said slowly. He and Yeoman exchanged glances as if this was the first time they’d ever agreed on anything.
Ray himself would think the whole thing was nuts if he hadn’t Barnett’s solemn assurance that John Fortune was actually Jesus Christ in his Second Coming. He wasn’t sure that he believed Barnett, but at least he was on the side that was trying to rescue the boy, not the one trying to drag him in front of some inquisition. For now his seemed to be the right side in this crazy affair. For now.
Ackroyd and Yeoman looked at him, and he shrugged. Now was not the time, Ray decided, to open up. “Sounds nuts to me,” he said.
“Got any more questions?” Ackroyd asked, looking from Ray to Yeoman.
“How many teams are out looking for the boy?” Yeoman asked.
“Three others, as far as I know.” Jesus paused. “They’re not all Allumbrados, though. Most of the guys on my team weren’t, though a couple were credenti.”
“Running short on nutcases?” Ackroyd asked.
Jesus looked very badly like he wanted to say something, but he kept his mouth shut.
“Bye-bye,” Ackroyd said, pointed, and popped.
Jesus had time for one startled, betrayed look, then he vanished.
“Where’d you send him?” Ray asked.
“Where he belonged. Bellevue.”
“Probably not a bad choice,” Ray said innocently.
Ackroyd sighed and looked around the forest clearing. “Not what do we do?”
“Pray we find the boy,” Yeoman said, “before these nutcases do.”
Amen, Ray thought, but just nodded.