The Lost Girl

12

Last



My flight is in the morning. I watch the sun reflecting rainbow colors on the windowpane of our hotel room. I don’t know what I will do when I go back to Bangalore. I will give Sasha a big cuddle and hug Nik and Lekha and wait to see what happens after that. Ray led the hunters straight to me, but we will be at school together and I can’t avoid him forever. When I think about him, everything becomes murky and confused. Sooner or later we will have to talk to each other. I will have to confront the hard and complicated tangle of Amarra and him and me.

The truth is, there is only so much space given to a single life. And I think I will always have to fight Amarra for our shared space. She will always be the ghost in the mirror. I have defeated her, but I won’t be rid of her. Tomorrow I will go back to that life we share. My guardians and I will separate for good. I haven’t seen Sean since I made him leave me, and I don’t even know if he’s safe. Erik promised to find out, though we both know I will probably never see him again anyway.

I get up. Mina Ma has gone to one of the shops nearby to get us some dinner. I leave her a note, check that my hair is concealing my Mark, and go out.

It’s funny walking down a street in London without looking over my shoulder. I take the tube to Oxford Street, where I still have about half an hour before the shops close. I buy presents for Lekha and the kids and an ice cream off the street because I’ve barely eaten all day. Later, when I get back on the tube, a dark-haired, green-eyed boy glances my way and smiles, and I have to look down at the floor because the longing in my chest is so intense it’s unbearable.

“Go away,” I silently tell the ghosts, swatting at them like flies. It doesn’t bother them. They follow me anyway. Reflections in the dark glass of the tube. Fragments of memories whispered in my ear. He won’t leave me alone.

I look at the dainty, delicate bracelet on my wrist. It’s knotted with shells off the beach, rough and small and flawless. He gave it to me. I look at it as though looking long enough might conjure him out of memory and into reality. If I could ask for anything, anything at all, it would be to see him again one last time.

But I fought for my life and I won. Perhaps that means I can win anything. Perhaps I can find a way back someday. Back to him.

Instead of going straight to the hotel, I get off at Covent Garden. I glance around. I know I’m in the right part of the city, but I’m not sure which way to go.

“Excuse me?” I say to a girl passing by. “I’m looking for this place. . . .” I describe it for her, and she gives me directions.

I end up back in the cobbled square. Next to the fountain.

The theater looks different in the dusky daylight. It doesn’t look like our sanctuary. I stand in the light and watch the color of the clear, cold water in the fountain change as the sun drops lower in the sky. The square around me is alive. The markets haven’t yet closed down for the day, and butchers, fishmongers, and housewives walk past me. I stand there as the water changes from blue to pink to gold.

I look into the fountain and see the pennies. And I laugh to myself, but I take a penny out of my pocket anyway. I drop it into the fountain and watch it spin until it hits the bottom. I want a wish. I could wish for an awful lot of things, but I’ve only dropped the one penny, so I take a deep breath and make one wish.

I wish as hard as I can.

I look up, and there he is. Like magic. He has his hands in his pockets and his face is bruised. It still looks like a war zone. He stands at the other end of the fountain. Too far away. But he’s alive and he’s safe and I wished and now he’s here.

He raises a hand. Like he’s waving. Like a hello. Or a good-bye. I try to raise my own. I try to open my mouth and speak. But nothing works. I can only watch him. He looks like a mirage. But then a child bumps into him and he helps her up and that makes him so solid, so real.

The fountain is bright gold between us. His eyes are the green of marbles and lagoons and nurseries and lights in the sky in the north. If I go to him he will taste of kisses and battles, of knights and promises. I don’t know how long we stand there. It could be minutes. Hours. Days. For the longest time we just stand there and look at each other across the water.