“But I don’t feel like becoming a traitor,” Jared said.
“Of course you don’t,” Cainen said. “You share the same consciousness, and you even share some of the same memories. But you had your own experiences, and that has shaped how you look at things. It’s as with identical twins. They share the same genetics, but they don’t share the same lives. Charles Boutin is your mind twin. But your experiences are still your own.”
“So you don’t think I’ll go bad,” Jared said.
Cainen did a Rraey shrug. Jared looked over to Wilson, who did a human shrug. “You say you know Charlie’s motivation for going bad was the death of his daughter,” he said. “You have the memory of that daughter and her death in you now, but nothing you’ve done or that we’ve seen in your head suggests that you’re going to crack because of it. We’re going to suggest they let you back into active duty. Whether they take our recommendation or not is another thing entirely, since the lead scientist on the project is one who until about a year ago was plotting to overthrow humanity. But I don’t think that’s your problem.”
“It certainly is my problem,” Jared said. “Because I want to find Boutin. Not just help with the mission, and absolutely not to sit it out. I want to find him and I want to bring him back.”
“Why?” Cainen asked.
“I want to understand him. I want to know what it takes to make someone do this. What makes them a traitor,” Jared said.
“You would be surprised at how little it takes,” Cainen said. “Something even as simple as kindness from an enemy.” Cainen turned away; Jared suddenly remembered Cainen’s status and his allegiance. “Lieutenant Wilson,” Cainen said, still looking away. “Would you give me and Private Dirac a moment.” Wilson arched his eyebrows but said nothing as he left the lab. Cainen turned back to Jared.
“I wanted to apologize to you, Private,” Cainen said. “And to warn you.”
Jared gave Cainen an uncertain smile. “You don’t need to apologize to me for anything, Cainen,” he said.
“I disagree,” Cainen said. “It was my cowardice that brought you into being. If I had been strong enough to hold out against the torture your Lieutenant Sagan put me through, I would be dead, and you humans would not have known of the war against you or that Charles Boutin was still alive. If I had been stronger, there would have never been a reason for you to have been born, and to be saddled with a consciousness that has taken over your being, for better or for worse. But I was weak, and I wanted to live, even if living was as a prisoner and a traitor. As some of your colonists would say, that is my karma, which I have to grapple with on my own.
“But quite unintentionally I have sinned against you, Private,” Cainen said. “As much as anyone, I am your father, because I am the cause of the terrible wrong they have committed against you. It’s bad enough that humans bring soldiers to life with artificial minds—with those damned BrainPals of yours. But to have you born only to carry the consciousness of another is an abomination. A violation of your right to be your own person.”
“It’s not as bad as all that,” Jared said.
“Oh, but it is,” Cainen said. “We Rraey are a spiritual and principled people. Our beliefs are at the core of how we respond to our world. One of our highest values is the sanctity of self—the belief that every person must be allowed to make their own choices. Well”—Cainen did a neck bobble—“every Rraey, in any event. Like most races, we’re less concerned about the needs of other races, especially when they are opposed to our own.
“Nevertheless,” Cainen continued. “Choice matters. Independence matters. When you first came to Wilson and me, we gave you the choice to continue. You remember?” Jared nodded. “I must confess to you that I did that not only for your sake but for my own. Since I was the one who caused you to be born without choices, it was my moral duty to give one to you. When you took it—when you made a choice, I felt some of my sin lift away. Not all of it. I still have my karma. But some. I thank you for that, Private.”
“You’re welcome,” Jared said.
“Now my warning to you,” Cainen said. “Lieutenant Sagan tortured me when we first met, and at the end of it I broke and told her almost everything she wanted to know about our plans to attack you humans. But I told her one lie. I told her I never met Charles Boutin.”
“You’ve met him?” Jared asked.