The Apocalypse

Chapter 42

Sarah

Tennessee



Ram had been an excellent test for Sarah. Not only was he a strong, virile man—tall, dark, and handsome—he was also a good man. A caring man.

And Sarah felt nothing for him. This she found very interesting. In the old days, had he asked her, she would have accepted an invitation to go out with him in a snap, and even though she had officially sworn off all men, since a zombie apocalypse seemed the worst possible time to consider romance, she found herself attracted to the least likely man.

Neil Martin. Before all this she would never have gone out with him. He was cute in his way, but was so slim and small. She had always liked her men to dominate her physically. It made her feel safe and warm.

Yet there she was, looking eye to eye with this little man, and the feeling of being safe was there. And so was the warmth. It made no sense, especially since she had torpedoed his advances early on—though clearly her torpedo had turned out to be a dud, since he had continued to fall for her at a rapid pace.

Sarah suspected it might have been Sadie's near constant cheerleading for Neil that had her finally giving him a second look. Or it might have been Sarah herself, coming out of the fugue state she had been in after her parents died…after she killed her parents, that is.

Or it might have been just Neil being Neil. If this was so, what did it say about her? Clearly it showed that she had been a very shallow person back in the old days, where she had taken men based more on their looks and confidence than anything else. And what had these men been so confident about? Certainly not their intelligence, emotional maturity, or their level of commitment, which was rarely anything but average. They were just confident that women were shallow creatures and wouldn't look beyond their height.

Whatever it was, she smiled now every time she thought of Neil, and the night before she had purposely nudged Sadie from her customary place in the middle of the bed and took it for herself. I want to be warm tonight, she had said as an excuse, to which Sadie, with shrewd eyes, had replied in a whisper, He's all warmth. And Sadie had been right. Sarah had never in her life felt the warmth of love as she did that night, because it wasn't just Neil that warmed her, it was Sadie as well.

They smushed in to her, and cuddled her; something her husband and daughter had stopped doing fifteen years before. She didn't realize how much she missed the feeling until just then. Of course because of her torpedo, she had to invite Neil close. After only six days together she knew what sort of gentleman he was—upon his honor, he would keep a safe, platonic distance from her and rigidly maintain his station all night long.

Her invitation had been that of a second grader. She had reached out for his hand and held it, pulling it close to her chest…the upper part of her chest, right below the soft spot of her throat. He had scooted over and very tentatively kissed her once on the lips. This made her grin, and anxious that his little kiss was wrong or perhaps comical he had whispered: What is it? Her reply: Right now, I'm happy.

This was only partly true. She realized just then that she had been happy frequently in the last few days; at odd times and for little reason besides looking at him after arguing with Sadie, or nibbling at the rabbit he had cooked, or watching him scurrying around trying to make sure she was happy. He was OCD alright, but out here, her happiness was his compulsion.

All of this made her wonder why Sadie had, right from the get go, been foursquare behind the two of them getting together. Before they climbed into the Suburban that morning, she had asked her.

“Because he never judged me. Not once. I robbed him and left him to die…twice. I left him stranded in his home without food, where he would've starved to death, and then later he should've been killed by John. I knew he would be, but I was sick of John and I ran away instead of helping Neil. And he never judged me. You'd be surprised how rare that is. Ever since then we have been like this.” She held up crossed fingers. “So that's it. I want him to be happy. And I want you to be happy. You won't find a better man.”

It was true she wouldn't find a man like Neil. He rolled with every punch, took what life gave him and found a way to make it better—though not for himself. He found a way to make it better for those he cared about. Even when confronted with the possibility of becoming an instant parent, he didn't consider how it would affect himself. He only nodded to Sarah, giving her free rein to make a decision, though in this she was too slow.

Low on water, they slipped into the quiet town of Shelbyville, Tennessee and, on a recommendation from Ram, had driven to a largely deserted office park. After killing a few zombies in a quiet manner—Neil had picked up an axe at the house they had spent the night in—they raided the offices of a phone company. Giving them all sorts of goodies to eat and drink.

They were just loading up, or rather Neil was straining under the weight of a huge water jug, when a truck could be heard coming towards them, rattling and clanking as if it was losing pieces with every rotation of its bald tires. The truck turned out to be just as it sounded.

“Let's be careful,” Ram advised, turning his SAW towards the truck. “Friendly, but careful.” Everyone kept their weapons in hand until they saw that it was only an older couple and not a band of desperados. They were the opposite of thieves in fact. Where one took items by force, these people practically gave items by force.

“Hey there,” the woman said around a thickly accented tongue. “I'm so happy to see people, it's been so long. I'm Emily and that's Robert…and this is Evangeline. Though we call her Eve as a way to hope. You know? Like the biblical Eve.”

Emily, with the truck still rocking from the quick stop, came forward with a baby that couldn't have been more than two weeks old. It was wrapped in a pink blanket and Sarah immediately felt something inside her, like a low frequency echo that shimmied up from her uterus and into her heart.

“A baby!” Sadie said going forward automatically and without question to take the offered child. “She's precious. And look at her tiny nose.”


Ram scratched at the stubble of his chin, glanced once at Neil, who only gave a little shrug, and then said, “It's good to see friendly people as well. You can't be certain of anything these days.”

“I know,” Emily agreed. “You passed our place a good twenty minutes ago and I took one look at you and thought—what nice people.”

“Don't forget her bag,” Robert said from the driver's seat. Emily snapped her fingers, remembering, and went back to the truck. “Can't forget her stuff,” he added in a drawl.

“Her stuff?” Ram asked. He turned to the others, but the women, all save Cassie, were fussing over the baby and Neil only stood there wearing a look of growing alarm. “Why do you need to get her stuff?”

“Because, silly,” Emily answered.

“A baby needs her stuff,” Robert commented.

Neil came forward and after clearing his throat—uselessly it turned out—he choked out the words, “Are you giving us this baby?” he flicked his eyes to Ram in confusion, then back to the old couple. “You can't just give away babies.”

“You should see her toes, Neil,” Sadie squealed. “Oh my God! They are like this big.” She held her fingers a quarter inch apart. “Come see.” The baby was tiny and perfect and so out of place in this new world that she seemed like something left over or forgotten, something that couldn't be. Sarah reached out and the baby grabber her finger and the echo grew within her.

The old man saw this and gave a chuckle. “Yes, she has very cute toes and what a grip, right? And you should see her yawn. Just adorable. But that's not all, she's a good sleeper,” he said as though he were selling a used car and pointing out its finer aspects.

“Hold on.” Ram came limping forward. “We're not in a position to take this baby.”

“And we're not in a position to keep her,” Emily said. She brought out a pink diaper bag and when Ram didn't make a move to take it from her she draped it on the muzzle of his machine gun. “Her mother came to us hot with the fever. She was ragged and delirious, but somehow she kept little Eve perfectly whole. She died a little later and Robert had to send her on proper.”

“But…” Ram said. He had nothing to follow up his one word argument except a slow shake of his head. This did little to deter Emily.

“We took the baby on, because that's what good Christians do, but we're old and we can't nearly support ourselves in these times. A baby needs a proper mother and father to protect her. You people are strong. You could do it.”

“We can,” Sarah announced, firmly. “And we will.” She looked to Neil then and he gave her the smile that she knew she would see.

Emily breathed a huge sigh of relief and then came forward with two more bags. These she handed to Neil. “We prayed that Eve would be placed in good hands, and God has clearly blessed her. Thank you. Take good care of her now.”

Just like that they had a baby.

“Do you want to hold her, Neil?” Sadie asked as soon as the couple had driven off. Neil shook his head as if to clear it of a buzzing sound and Ram only blinked dazedly.

“I'll take her,” Julia said. It was more of an urgent demand than anything else, and in seconds, the woman whom Sarah viewed as sometimes cold and scientifically aloof, had turned into a cooing, goofy-faced girl. “Who's the cutest? Huh? Who's the cutest baby ever?”

“I wouldn't get too attached,” Cassie said after a single peek at Eve.

“I say otherwise,” Julia said, turning hard as rock, like no one there had ever seen her. “A baby needs instant bonding. They need to be loved! They need to be protected. Don't you know anything?”

Cassie blew out a tsk of dismissal. “I know the weak die. That's what I know. And that little thing is as weak as they come.”

“That's why she needs a mother,” Julia said. “I should be her mother.” This brought on a general clamor from everyone—Sarah and Sadie making demands of their own, Cassie laughing derisively, and Ram choking on air. Julia seemed adamant. Her lips were drawn in and her back was rigid as she clutched Eve to her breast.

Only Neil had been quiet and now he stepped up with a quick nervous smile, trying to calm them all. “Julia may be right…no, she is right about one thing. This baby needs a permanent mother. Though who it should be doesn't have to be decided right now, or even today.”

“Why can't we share her?” Sadie asked. “I mean share the responsibilities and all that.”

“I'm sure we will, whoever becomes her mother…or father, will need all of our help. But we have to agree on a single person who's to adopt her. What happens if the group breaks up? We can't share her then, can we? It should be decided before that becomes an issue.”

“How are we going to decide?” Sadie asked. “By vote? Because I want to be considered. I have experience with babies. I babysat all the time before and I'm nice and I'd be a great mother, I think.”

Sarah raised her hand. “Me too. I'd like to be Evangeline's mother.”

Out of the blue, Julia cried, “You already had a baby!” She said it as if it were an accusation. The words struck Sarah like a slap in the face and she went numb after gasping once. Next to her, Sadie's eyes flared, but Julia held a hand out to her, pointing. “And you have Sadie,” she said in desperation. “And you have Neil. You still have a chance, but I don't. I can't get pregnant.”

This brought Sadie up short and she looked to Sarah for guidance, but before she could say anything, Cassie put in her two cents, “What about me? I could be its mother. And I don't have any man, unlike you two, so I can't get pregnant neither.”

This was met with silence until Sadie said in a cold voice, “Don't expect too many votes. A proper mother doesn't refer to a child as a thing or an it, as you have.”

“Hold on now, this is all going too fast,” Neil said. “Before we vote I think we need to think things through. Let's just give ourselves a few minutes to calm down. This is a big decision for all of us.”

This was agreed to and the group drifted apart. Julia and Ram went to sit in the truck, while Sadie took Eve and crooned to her gently. Cassie watched with a disgusted look. And Sarah was in pain.

“Julia's right,” she said to Neil right off the bat when they were left alone. “I don't deserve her. I had my chance and now everyone knows I'm an unfit mother.”

“Slow down, please,” he begged. “No one thinks that. I know I don't, and Sadie doesn't. You were just an unlucky mother. No one was allowed to drive anywhere and they closed the airports. How were you supposed to get your daughter?”

“I could have walked,” Sarah replied, grasping at straws in her misery.

“And you would have died.” Neil took her hands. “And Eve would never have had a chance for you to be her mother. And neither would Sadie. That's how she looks at you.”

If there was something striking about Neil it was the blue of his eyes. They stared right down into her soul. “Are you saying you'll vote for me?” she asked and he nodded. “What about the rest of it? It's…it's not easy raising a child alone. A baby shouldn't just have a mother.”

“Yes, I guess so,” he said, slowly, realizing what she was asking. “I suppose I need to ask you the same question: what about the rest of it? Us, I mean. We're going from holding hands to being parents? Is that what you're suggesting? How do I know that this isn't some ploy to get me into bed?”


She laughed. “Us was progressing. Only last night I discovered I wanted it to progress to the next stage, and who knows what would have happened if Sadie hadn't been there. So, no, this isn't a ploy. I want us to be a we eventually. I wouldn't ask you otherwise. So…what do you say?”

He looked away, towards Julia who seemed in two places at once, emotionally speaking—fear and hope were working her face through a series of odd looks. Neil, grinning a sad grin, said, “I'd love to raise this child with you. I'd love to be her father, but I don't think it would be right. The way Julia reacted just now...clearly she needs this. I don't know her so well, but it feels like she's been treading water and if the vote goes against her, she may sink.”

It was Sarah who felt like she was sinking just then, as if her feet were slipping beneath the pavement. “I suppose,” she said in a whisper.

Neil reeled her in, pulling her gently closer so they looked each other dead in the eyes. “Besides, if you are truly interested in me being father to Eve, you would be interested in me being father to our own children, too. Can you wait nine months? I guarantee I'll give you the prettiest baby.”

She dipped her head, feeling tears come up quick, but not knowing if it was disappointment she was feeling or a hope for the future; her first hope in a long while. She realized Julia was probably feeling that same hope, only she had hers pinned on this one child. Sarah's hope was for more.

“I'll vote for Julia,” she said. “I’ve had one baby and I can have more in the future. And I have Sadie, like you said.” She thought Neil would also vote for Julia, however, he did not.

After a few minutes they gathered again and Ram handed each a piece of paper and a pen. “I figured we should do this with a secret ballot,” he explained.

“I don't think there's any need for that,” Sarah said. “I want Julia to know I voted for her. She was right about everything…” Sarah had to stop as Julia rushed up and hugged her. “You'll be a great mom,” she added in a whisper as the lady cried on her.

“I'm voting for Julia also,” Ram announced as the two women broke apart. He handed her his piece of paper and added, “Though in a way, I'm voting for myself too.”

Now it was Neil's turn, but when he stood he didn't go to Julia, he brought his paper to Sadie. “One day it'll be your time, and when that day comes you'll be a great mom, I know it,” he said and she blushed prettily.

“Shit,” Cassie said in her slow way as everyone looked her direction. “I was gonna vote for myself since I knew none of you crackers would ever vote for a strong black woman, but now I sees this will be more interesting.” She went to Sadie and dropped the paper at her feet. “Now it's all tied up. Whatcha gonna do? Split the baby down the middle?”

Julia, suddenly robbed of her victory, stared at Sadie. “What are we going to do?” she asked.

The girl lifted a shoulder in reply and then stooped to pick up Cassie's poisoned vote. For a long while she stared at it before saying, “Eve needs one mom and one dad. I can't give her that, not honestly. I vote for Julia, but in return I want your share of any pop tarts that we find for the next year. Is that a deal?”

“Yes,” Julia beamed at the girl and accepted Eve in her arms. Then like a coin flipping she turned on Cassie and snarled, “You aren't a strong black woman. I've known many strong black women–they were educated and accomplished and knew what decency was. You're nothing like them. You're broken is what you are!”

At this the girl's anger flared and her eyes shot fire while her hand went to the Beretta at her hip that she always wore, however Sadie had learned her lesson with the knife and she produced a black pistol so quickly it seemed like magic.

Cassie snorted at the gun, as if it meant nothing and said, “I see how all you be. Don't worry, you'll get yours.”

“Our what?” Sadie demanded.

“What's coming to you,” she hissed. “One day it won't be four crackers and a race traitor against just one of us. Then we'll see…”

Ram jumped up and grimaced through the pain in his leg. “I'm done with her, Julia,” he roared, waking the baby who began to bleat with the sound of a lamb. For the moment he ignored her as he hobbled up to Cassie. “I'm not going to play around with you for one more second. You have two choices and only two. If you're going to keep running that mouth of yours, then leave right now, no one wants to hear it. Or if you can zip it until we get to Atlanta then we'll part ways then. What's it going to be?”

Despite his anger, she only raised an eyebrow. “I'll be a good little nigger.”