Chapter 28: Jonathon
All the other boys turn toward me. The barrel of my gun shakes slightly as it hovers inches from Saul's head. The whole place is lit up like a stage from the floodlights on the dark rooftops that cover the Sanctuary. Most of the boys are gathered around the main motel building, but some stand against the second floor railing with their guns pointed at, well, me. There must be about twenty of them. The two boys on the ground that just had their barrels against Carter’s chest take a few steps back. They look scared, and they don’t seem to know whether to aim at me or Carter. I hope I’m not advertising my fear as much as they are, because I’m pretty sure I feel at least that scared.
Saul's body provides pretty good cover; none of them have a shot. At least I hope, anyway. I nod to Carter and glance for a second at the girl’s corpse. Their spotlights make the small blood pool look like shattered red glass against the black pavement. It's my fault. I had to choose her or Jo and the twins. Those three will always be my choice, and I can’t regret. I hate Carter for making me come back to this. If we would have just left I wouldn't be here.
I wouldn't have to face the girl who I so readily left behind.
“Saul, tell your boys to stand down and let Carter leave with me. There is no point in this going any further. I don't want anyone else hurt.” I calmly say to Saul while my heart beats through my chest. My glance returns to the girl on the ground. How could I sacrifice her without a second thought? I want to run away. I want to find a corner in a room and pretend that she isn't dead and that this didn't happen.
Like the last time. I want to escape this feeling just like the last time my decisions accidentally killed.
The thoughts drain from my mind. No. I will never do that again. I clench my jaw and tighten my grip on the handle of the gun. No, never. I remember the boy in the supermarket. This is the same. My gun moves closer and rests against the back of Saul's head, twisting the back of his collar in my other fist. I turn toward the pair close by. “You boys back off.” I bark at them.
They seem to hesitate. Their eyes squint down the sights, but soon they begin to relax and bring their muzzles down and take a few steps back. Their feet scrape further backwards. Carter picks up his fallen gun and stands beside me, putting Saul between him and all of their guns. I want to punch him. Not now.
I drag Saul backwards by his collar, farther from the threshold of the Sanctuary. He looks over his shoulder, his left eye finds mine. “Come on, Johnny, there is no need for this. We were just having fun. It was Carter that ruined it.” Saul's profile lets out a grin evoking a deep, hateful glare from Carter's eyes. My hand pulls Saul back farther and farther. I raise my gun toward the motel.
“Now all of you stay back. If any of you come after us we will finish him. Come collect him in one hour along one of those houses down the street, but if I see a damn flashlight moving down the road a second sooner his brain will be splattered all over the road.” That was violent; I hope this works. “Do I make myself perfectly clear?” My roar echoes throughout the compound.
Nobody speaks. My response comes in the form of Saul’s comrades lowering their guns and backing up further.
We are soon hidden by their makeshift wall and I grab Saul by the hair and begin running for the nearby houses a few hundred yards down the highway. Carter turns and kicks the gate shut, and catches up to us down the road Saul tries to hold us up a few times, but Carter helps drag him farther. A few punches to the kidneys dissuade him from struggling. Over my shoulder, I see the light of the Sanctuary get smaller and smaller. The gate remains shut. A few yells come from inside, but I think they are going to listen. Our feet slap against the still road in the silence of the night. We go in between a few houses surrounded by bushes and trees. Somewhere private.
“The car is a little up ahead; pulled behind the third house – that green one. I told the girls to wait fifteen minutes and if I wasn't back to leave without me.” I pause for a second with my words. I catch my breath and glare at Carter, “I didn't want to come back for you. Jo made me.” I raise my voice to him. “You put them ALL in danger!” I throw Saul into the bricks of the house and bury my finger into Carter's chest. Maybe now I'll hit him.
“I couldn't leave that girl,” Carter answers. Surprisingly, he is not angry. He seems to nearly be pleading for me to understand. I do understand. Carter made the hard choice and I made the right choice. Those girls need to come first, and if he isn't going to...
Saul starts laughing. “She was pretty worn anyway...” There is a blur where Carter just was.
Carter's fist buries itself into Saul’s stomach. I have never seen so much rage in his dark eyes before. Saul buckles to the ground and Carter brings his knee into Saul's nose. Saul falls back and lands sitting upright. His smile is no longer there as blood oozes from his nostrils, but he still manages his confident smile. Saul clenches handfuls of grass around. He hurts, even if his face won't show it.
“How long have you been doing this to her you-?” Carter swears at Saul while striking him in the face. “Who the hell do you think you are?” Another punch. I look away briefly into the back yard. A swing gently rocks in the front yard of the one house in the night air. Saul screams something. Carter stops.
Saul spits up some blood. His dirt and grass-stained hand wipes his mouth, smearing the blood down his chin. He stares atCarter, the right side of his mouth grins. He begins:
“A few months back we gave refuge to this whole school bus full of girls – some gymnastics team at a national competition when the virus struck. They were headed to that damn UN place all you travelers talk about, but they were about out of gas and starving to death.” Saul's eyes move between us, his voice peppered with madness. His grin grows and more blood bubbles between his words. “We gave them everything. We kept them alive. And what the hell did we get in return? Nothing. After a week, they smiled and waved and left. I was sick of being taken advantage of by damn women my entire life. We managed to make this perfect society without a single woman. We only knew one good use for them. So we swore to ourselves that the next group we helped we would take our thank you anyway we damn well pleased.” His bleeding grin returned after this statement. He’s an animal. “We've had that girl back there for three weeks. Too bad her cousins didn't make it that long.”
Carter's rage built up beyond his control and again he was on top of Saul, punching him over and over. After a few moments, I gather myself and pull Carter off of him. Saul spits up more blood. His grin is gone.
“What did you want with us?” Carter snarls at him.
“My boys are to give the 'Sanctuary story' to any one who passes by with a girl who we think may be worth our while. Imagine my boy's surprise when you rolled up with three. Some terrible tragedy would have befallen you two in the next few days and then... well you know.” Carter back handed him across the face. Saul's eye is swelling shut.
“Carter we have to get moving. They could already be looking for us in the darkness. I don't want to be in a fight.” Carter looks like he has calmed down. I start to walk away. We need to get out of here-get back to the girls.
“Just one more thing, Jon.” Carter pulls back the hammer on his gun and points it at Saul's head. Even that warped confidence is gone from Saul's face as the silver steel presses again his forehead. Carter looks to me; I nod. Never before had I wanted someone to die so badly. I stare at the back of Saul's head waiting for the bullet to come through.
Then I hear Sara's voice from behind us.
“You guys are safe! Come on the car is out front. Jocelyn saw you guys come back here and pulled up. Let's get... Carter what are you doing?” She must have finally seen Saul before us. I quickly turn and bend down and tell her to leave, but her eyes are already filled with horror. “What are you two doing?” A tear is forming in her eye.
Carter's hand shakes with the gun, and he brings it down. He has always been tough, but he isn't an executioner. I am, but Saul is broken and harmless to us at this point, anyway.
“You're not worth it.” Carter says, spitting at Saul’s feet. He puts the gun away in his belt and picks up Sara before walking to the car. Sara stares at me over his shoulder all the way around the house. I am left with Saul.
“She saved your life.” I turn and start to follow them.
“Sorry it ended like this Johnny, I was really looking forward to getting to know that sister of yours.” Saul is up on his knees when I turn around. My hand brings my revolver back to his head. My finger tightens on the trigger. With Darry, part of me wanted to do it. Now, all of me wants to do it. What’s more, I know I can.
No. I exhale, rather frustrated. Not with the girls right next door. The little humanity I have left holds back my finger.
I flip the weapon in my hand and whip the pistol as hard as I can into the side of his head. One of Saul's bloodied front teeth flies against the brick wall. He drops. I leave him.
I walk around the house and see the SUV in front. The twins are in the backseat and Jo is behind the wheel. She looks anxious. Carter shuts the door to the backseat and walks toward me on the front lawn.
“Jon I'm sorry. I know that didn't go well and...” My fingers form a fist, but I don't use it.
“Carter, I want you out of here. You put all three of them in danger and you knew we couldn't just leave you. You knew Jo would never allow that,” I whisper into his ear. “I want you to tell the girls that you will be leaving us at the next stop. That you just wanted to get us this far and have other things to tend to and will meet up with us later.”
“Jon I think you are overreacting...”
“No Carter, you are leaving.” He looks at me defeated. I almost feel bad. “I don't know what the rest of this road will bring us but I can handle it without you. I don't need a hero, just someone who will put those three above everything else.”
“Jon, we are almost to the UN center.”
“I don't care if we are fifteen minutes away. I want you out. This incident just shows that anything can still happen. We last track of what the world turned into while we were in the cabin.”
“Fine.” Carter’s emotion surprisingly vanishes and he responds coldly. “I'll find my own way.”
The girls want to know what happened and Carter manages an abridged version of the events. When it comes to the girl he tried to save, he tells them that she went her own way. I think the twins buy it. The two of us don't share any words until we find some abandoned cars.
As we siphon for gas, Carter explains that he must leave. I don't even completely understand the story he makes up. The twins get a little upset. Sara cries. Jo handles it just as poorly, and glares at me. She knows why this is happening, and no matter what words she uses, Carter continues to do what I ask. Jo puts up a fight, but after a half hour Carter is finally gone.
Jo is going to hate me for a while. It's best for us.
In another time, I would have given my life for that girl, her fallen body flashes again in front of me. Now though, it's different. We can't save everyone and it's dangerous to be around someone that thinks we can.
I will sacrifice anyone and kill anyone who endangers these three.