Chapter 12: Jonathon
“I hope you two love chicken noodle soup.” I yell to the girls as I set another can at that end of the table. Between the ranger and our house we have thirteen huge cans already of that alone. They only complain a little. I think they understand. The stacks of cans and bottled water grow as I empty the ranger’s boxes out. The more I organize the more I start to see the bigger picture and it scares me. Before this moment, I have only concentrated on getting us here; now here we are. I don’t know how to begin sustaining us in the woods. I have sorted through most of the supplies, but I know they won’t last. I need to provide for the four of us, and I need to learn how to do it yesterday. I knew this responsibility would fall on me but it’s beginning to hit home as I place another pack of rice amongst the others.
“Damn…” I whisper, realizing how little I knew about hunting or gardening or farming or surviving. Being tired doesn’t help all the questions that have flooded my mind. I began sorting through our circumstances: What if we have to leave? Is anywhere completely safe? What’s happening out there? How can I possibly know what to do if I don’t know what’s happening? How can I protect the girls? Exactly how much danger are we facing? Why is this happening?
“Jon?” a soft and quavering voice floats across the room from the bed-side wall. I look over to see a frightened look on Sara’s face as she sits up. Somewhere in the past few minutes I had sat down on an old stool, and I guess I’ve barely moved. My hand clenches in a trembling fist around a can of sweet potatoes. As I blink, I notice how dry my eyes are: probably from letting my eyes bulge for that amount of time.
“I’m sorry Sara,” I say finally, exhaling. My expression changes to a smile, "I just can't stand sweet potatoes. Have you decided where you’re sleeping? We have a lot of choices...”
“My sister will take this bottom bunk. The top bunk’s a little scary for her right now.”
“I was never a fan of heights, myself.” I fib to Caitlyn.
Caitlyn nods quickly, kicking her feet as her legs hang from the side of one of the other beds. Her hands are folded, and she, too, looks sleepy.
“Go to sleep girls. We are safe out here.” It feels good to say that, even though I haven’t the slightest clue what the rest of the night has in store for us. I seem to have said it convincingly though. Sara is already nimbly climbing the ladder to get to the top bunk. She is definitely the more outgoing of the two. Through the entire duration of this ordeal, Caitlyn has just stayed in her shell. I can't really blame her. If I don't know what to make of it, how can I expect an eleven year old girl to?
“Good night, you two.” They are both asleep within a few moments.
The brief conversation was a pleasant distraction from the swarm of questions that had paralyzed me earlier. I sit on the nearest bunk and lie down for a second and interlock my fingers behind my head. I have so many questions running through my mind. How can I expect to sleep tonight?
Food, shelter, clothing. We have all of these things right now. What do we need that we don’t have? Medicine. If one of us does get sick, the best that we have to offer right now is water and blankets. I’ll find a way to be ready. I do need to go bury the ranger tomorrow. Maybe there are still more supplies in the trailer that I can bring back. Food, clothing, shelter, medicine. The only other thing I can think of right now is weapons, and we have a few of those. Not that any of us know how to really use them.
Jo comes out dressed to sleep. A towel is wrapped around her hair and she’s rubbing it with her hands. Her eyes are almost as red as the few strands of hair that fall across her face. Droplets of water fall to the floor as she stops in front of me. Several times, she inhales deeply and exhales quickly, clearly wanting to say something each time but not finding any words.
“We’re going to be alright. We have everything we need to take the time to figure it all out,” I say, more convincingly than I had hoped. Jo’s eyes shut, and after a brief pause, she nods.
The other bed rustles as Jo climbs in.
It feels like only a moment has passed, but deep down I know that it’s been much longer. Maybe more than an hour. I won’t let them down. Nobody should be able to make it out here for a while anyway, if ever.
“Don’t let me down again…” Those words run through my head on loop, echoing through my mind. Eventually, sleep breaks through and takes me.