Chapter 11: Jocelyn
Jon and I finish the note, and he sets it on the coffee table. Many of the strokes had been unintelligible, and I don’t think either one of us have the heart to try to interpret them. I look up into the ranger's eyes. His pain seems to be gone. A small smile hides in the corners of his lips. I don't know how much stuff he left us, but it may save all of our lives. I bring my hand to his hair and rub my thumb on his forehead. His hair is sticky. I whisper, “Thank you.” The smile leaves his face. His eyes close and his body finally gives out. Jon is standing next to me, and he squeezes my shoulder delicately before reaching for the blanket. He clasps the edge and pulls the cover gently over the man’s peaceful face.
* * *
After a few moments I stick my head out to check on the girls. Both of them are in the passenger seat with their eyes locked on the door. I should have told them everything was okay a while ago. My brother has already begun to search the trailer, so I catch up. We find more food, gallons of fresh water, and some tools including an ax, saw, and shovel. The two of us manage to stuff everything in the trunk of the car along with a first aid kit attached to the front of the trailer. We make our final trip through the ranger’s home. I was to get the rifle, and Jon needed to find the key to the gate.
“It’s so quiet…” I whisper to myself. The crickets don’t even seem to feel like talking right now. Carefully turning the dial on the gun safe breaks the silence. He has an assortment of guns. A rifle, shotgun, and several boxes of bullets are all inside. I stuff the boxes in my pack and sling the guns over my shoulder. These will definitely come in handy.
As I walk out of the bedroom I see Jon shaking the key. “It was in a nail on the wall,” he says. His eyes turn to the man on the couch. “I will come back tomorrow and bury his body-next to his wife.”
“We all will come back.” I reply.
“No,” he snaps back. “Sorry, I want to do it myself. I can't explain it.” I was in no mood to question him now; I would in the morning.
We shut the lights off and I join the girls in the backseat. The least bit of dust is kicked up behind Jon as he walks purposefully to the gate, key in hand. He jogs back as soon as the lock is open, and we drive through. Not too long after we pass, he slams on the brakes and puts it in park. I give him an odd look. He swings open the door and walks back to the gate. I begin to open my door to yell at him. However, I see him shutting the gate and locking it. He returns to the car and we continue to the cabin.
“After all I've seen today, I'm not letting anyone else easily get up here.” he says. I nod my head. I couldn't agree more.
Although the cabin was in the same park, it was a long way from the ranger’s station. In the darkness Jon struggles to keep the car on the road. The tiny eyes of raccoons reflect the headlights at every turn as our SUV descends further into the forest. When we find the cabin, Jon parks well off of the dirt road and as close to the cabin as possible. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, but it still looks the same: unaffected by time.
Jon uses the ranger's keys to open the front door. Both of the girls are right behind me as I shine the flashlight through the cabin. He flips the light switch and the whole cabin is illuminated. The place does have everything we will need: four bunk beds lined against the far left wall, a wooden stove in the middle against the back wall, a closed off area to the right with bathrooms, and a shower.
“Please let there be hot water…” I say hopefully.
For now this place would suffice. We unpack everything throughout the cabin. The girls help Jon and me bring everything into the kitchen area against the back wall, and we fill what appears to be some sort of pantry. I begin to sort it all out as Jon grabs the last few things from the car. I hear the car lock, and Jon returns, locking the front door behind him. I look up at him and we both nod.
We made it.
Both girls sit on one of the benches, looking at me. Which one is which is still beyond me. “Well, girls, what do you say we get you both cleaned up?” They return with smiles. Sara, or is it Caitlyn, still has broken leaves throughout her hair.
Jon tosses two towels from our bags and a plastic bag filled with soap and shampoo. I check the bathroom and the girls head in. Some steam pours out from under the door shortly after they’ve turned on the shower. Another victory. Within fifteen minutes, the girls are already out and dressed in some of my clothes that barely fit them. They look completely different now. Their skin is almost white and their hair is nearly black-it makes their eyes seem almost neon blue. They start to do each others’ hair into long pigtails. I let them be.
Behind me, Jon continues sorting through everything. He yawns, clearly exhausted by the events of the day.
“Some of this can wait.” I reassure him.
“I know; I’m almost done. It’s been a long day.” he answers. His eyes look heavy.
“I’m going take a shower and then go to bed. I need to rinse this day off,” I say to him after I feel that both girls are situated. He nods and I grab my things for the bathroom.
I shut the wooden door. My entire body feels exhausted, and I strip to nothing and stand in front of the shower head. My bare feet shuffle through the warm puddles left over from the twins’ showers. The water is ice cold, but it does not even phase me – I guess they used all the hot water for one night. I close my eyes and let the water run down my face. I start to think of the entire day: Dad, the bodies, the knife, the girls, the supermarket, the ranger. I feel so overwhelmed that I brace myself against the wall with my pruning hand. My heart begins to beat faster and I feel the mask that I’ve worn all day finally give out. I crouch down and bring my knees to my chest. The tears running down my face feel no different than the water. This cannot be reality. All of this chaos, death, and responsibility. I cannot do this.
I pinch the undersides of my arms. Please wake up, please wake up, please wake up.