Alien in the House

Chapter 7



“YES, ‘UNCLE’ PETER? What can I do you for?”

“You can tell me where you are.”

“Ah, why would I want to do that?”

“Because I believe you are holding something very dangerous.”

Huh. The plot thickened. Or rather, just got weirder, which was pretty typical for my life these days. “How dangerous?”

“Causing much pain and suffering, and death, kind of dangerous.”

“Well, I guessed as much, honestly. But how do you know about it?”

He sighed. “I have been watching your Embassy.”

“Why? Or rather, who in it or coming tonight is on your hit list?”

“No one.”

“I’d fall on the ground laughing, only I want to be able to run away should whatever’s in the plain brown wrapper go boom.”

“Truly. This is . . . a favor.”

“For whom?”

“For you.”

“Why?”

“Because someone is being a . . . sore loser, I think you’d say. He was told to move on, but has chosen the path of revenge. Revenge is not a good choice for people in . . . my line of work.”

Thought fast and furiously again. During Operation Assassination, there had been two assassination teams assigned to get us, me in particular. One had been Peter the Dingo Dog and his cousin. The other had been Bernie and her husband/partner Raul. Buchanan had taken care of Bernie, but Raul had been arrested. I’d never seen Raul in person. But I knew he’d seen me.

Our enemies were released from prison all the time, because we had very powerful enemies. So Raul likely being out wasn’t much of a shock. And Buchanan had killed Raul’s wife to save me and Jamie, and that meant Raul had the best revenge reason in the world to disobey the Dingo’s cease and desist order.

“Okay, so where’s Raul?”

“You are so much smarter than you like to appear.” He sounded incredibly proud. The idea that the Dingo might actually be thinking of me as his niece, as someone to protect, crept up and waved quietly.

“Thank you. Um . . . so, I appreciate you warning me. Should I dump the package into the river?”

“You’re close to the Potomac? Again?”

“Yes. Though like you and your cousin, I don’t want to go swimming in it again any time soon. How is he, by the way?”

“Very well. He is also watching.”

“To protect me or to finish the job? Or for a new job?”

The Dingo sighed again. “Understand that there are . . . rules in our line of work. If there were no rules, then we would have anarchy, yes?”

“Yes, right.”

“When someone chooses to break the rules for personal reasons, those reasons must make sense.”

“I hate to say it, but revenge makes sense.”

“No, not for our line of work. The risks are high, but so are the rewards. Unprofessional behavior is for terrorists, for amateurs.” The way he said it, it was clear that the Dingo was only in favor of professional terrorists.

“You’re worried that your business will dry up because if Raul offs me and potentially a lot of your customers, then word will get out that it wasn’t a paid hit but a revenge hit, and the Assassination Union will raise the rates or something.”

“Something like that, yes. So, where are you?”

“I ask again, why?”

“I wish to find you and disarm the package.”

Package, not bomb. “What’s in the package?”

“Something very bad.”

“I guessed. Tell me more.”

“I don’t have to.” The voice wasn’t on the phone any more but behind me.

Spun around to see the Dingo and his cousin, Surly Vic, standing there. They were both in dark suits and appeared unarmed, but I was positive they were both packing more heat than I could hope to count. Still had that Smooth Criminal Who Could Be From Anywhere look, but since I knew, I could spot the little bits of East Slavic in them both.

Hung up my phone and shoved it back into my pocket. “Your GPS tracking is really good.” My phone started buzzing—someone was texting me. Decided that being rude right now would be the stupidest move of my life. Whoever it was could wait.

The Dingo shrugged. “Yes.” He nodded to Surly Vic, who went and got the package.

“Are you sure it’s safe for you to handle?” My phone rang. Ignored it.

“We will exercise care and I appreciate your concern.” The Dingo smiled at me. “Please give my best to your sister, when it is appropriate. She was a lovely young lady, and I hope she’s doing well?”

He meant Caroline Chase, my sorority roommate and bestie. The Dingo had been dating her, sort of, during Operation Assassination, though she’d had no idea he was an assassin. Our lives were just that kind of glamorous.

“Um, will do, and yes, she’s doing great. I’m sure she’d tell me to say ‘hi’ for her. If, you know, she knew you were here and we were chatting.” Maybe. Anything was possible, after all. “So, what do I do now?”

The Dingo shrugged. “Return home, have your party. We will deal with your problem.”

Shook my head. “I don’t think it’s just Raul.” My phone continued to ring. I continued to ignore it and hope whoever was calling would take the hint.

Both assassins looked at me. “How do you mean?” Surly Vic asked.

“Someone had to help him get the package into the UPS truck. And I’m here because I was chasing someone I thought was dead. Raul may actually have a paying assignment.”

They both shook their heads. “He does not,” the Dingo said vehemently.

“Oh, so it’s the old ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ ploy, right?”

The Dingo beamed at me, looking all proud. Even Surly Vic seemed impressed. Nice to know that I was considered Top of the Class by someone. It was always the folks on the wrong side who thought so, but better to be appreciated than not at all, right?

“You must be cautious,” Surly Vic shared. Wow, clearly I’d moved into that “family” spot for him, too. I was lucky that way.

“I’ll do my best. But isn’t it kind of bad for you guys to be back in town? I realize Operation Assassination went down months ago, but you’re still on everyone’s most wanted lists.”

They both shrugged and seemed completely unfazed by my name for the big event. For all I knew, they were flattered by my naming choice. “We have work to do,” the Dingo said. “Not work you will care about, I must add.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive. I would not lie to you about that.”

“Why not?”

They both chuckled. “You are . . . special,” the Dingo shared. “You have honor. And, therefore, you deserve the truth. We are not here on assignment for anyone you would care about.”

“You’re here to off Raul.”

“And other enemies. Of ours and yours.” Surly Vic shook his head. “We need to take this and disarm it. We have time. I believe it’s set to go off in a few hours if it’s not opened.”

“Are you that amazingly good—and don’t for one moment think I’m insinuating that you couldn’t be, because nothing you two can do will surprise me—or is that just a really good guess?”

Surly Vic smiled at me. I managed not to faint or let my total shock show, but it took effort. “Just a really good guess. Based on a great deal of experience.”

“What is it, just out of morbid curiosity?”

“Most likely a small bioweapon,” the Dingo replied. “It would explode, killing and maiming some, but it would also spread a dread disease amongst all there, and within the building.”

“A raze the building to the ground kind of disease?”

“Most assuredly.”

“Um, you know, my letting the two best assassins in the world walk off with a scary bioweapon bomb is, well, not sounding like a good idea.”

Surly Vic shrugged. “We could let you take it with you, and then, when someone who did not know how to disarm it triggered the bomb, you and your family and friends could die. Or we can remove the danger.”

“Gosh, when you put it that way . . .”

The Dingo came to me and patted my shoulder. “We both give you our word—this bomb will not be used against anyone. We will dismantle it and deal with its creator. In the meantime, exercise caution and open nothing remotely suspicious.” He handed me a phone. “This is the phone I used to call you. It is programmed with only one number. Use it if you need our help or even think you need our help.”

The top international assassination team in the business had just given me their version of the Bat Phone. Didn’t know whether to be flattered or freaked out. Settled for both.

“Thank you. I assume this is a burner phone and so is the one it will call. I won’t let anyone know.” I hoped. Jeff might already know, of course, but only if he was monitoring me. Wasn’t sure if I’d given off enough stress vibes for him to have noticed otherwise.

“Yes. We will be in touch if necessary. Keep this and your regular phone with you at all times, even when sleeping.”

“I will do. Hoping that this isn’t also a bomb or a trigger of some kind.”

They both chuckled again. “You are wise to always question,” Surly Vic said. “But, as my cousin has said, we give you our word—we are here to protect you, and that phone is part of that protection.”

Surly Vic nodded to me, Peter the Dingo Dog patted my shoulder again, and then they both took off. They were out of sight fast.

“Thanks,” I called to no one. Well, likely no one. For all I knew, they were close by and would appreciate my being polite.

So, I had two new fairy godfathers who were going to protect me by killing people. I’d have questioned how my life had gotten this bizarre, but I already knew—I was just lucky this way.