he: A Novel

Babe, the electrician, knows this. Babe has seen the Audience bathed in reflected light. Soon Babe will look out from the screen, and gesture at the other, the fool beside him, and asks of those watching if any man was ever before forced to carry such a burden. Babe will seek their sympathy and they will offer it, even as they laugh, because Babe is most like themselves.

Harold Lloyd looks out from the screen, and seeks help and approval. Harold Lloyd cannot benefit from either, yet Harold Lloyd retains faith in the willingness of the Audience to extend help, if it could, and the capacity of the Audience to signal its approval through laughter and applause. It is in the Audience’s gift. It is enough for Harold Lloyd to know that the Audience would rescue him, if it could, and the Audience will applaud, even if Harold Lloyd is not present to hear it.

Buster Keaton looks out from the screen, and remains impassive. Buster Keaton is Job. The Audience cannot aid him, and its approval is lost upon him. Buster Keaton can only suffer.

Chaplin looks out from the screen, and expects love. It is Chaplin’s right. Chaplin offers laughter, but not in return for this love. Chaplin expects the love as his right, but the laughter has to be bought additionally. The currency is sadness: Chaplin is as happy to have the Audience cry as laugh.

And what of him?

He is the camera, and the subject. He sees, and is seen. He records, and is recorded.

And in recording, he remembers.





60


At the Oceana Apartments, the young man waits for his reply.

Yes, he says, I read Charlie’s autobiography.

– And what did you think?

– I don’t deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence as Charlie.





61


Hal Roach mixes and matches. Hal Roach has a whole stable of stars, so why, then, does Hal Roach persist in putting the same jockeys on the same horses?

Hal Roach’s reasoning is not subtle. Fat men are funny. Joe Rock has The Three Fatties, on the grounds that if fat men are funny, then three fat men are three times funnier than one. (Deo gratias, the appellation ‘Fatty’ has served its time in purdah, and can now safely be used again without immediate associations of rape and violent death.) Fat Karr, Fatty Alexander, and Kewpie Ross: together, they weigh a thousand pounds. Babe worked with Frank Alexander on Larry Semon’s pictures. Babe liked standing beside Frank Alexander. Babe said that Frank Alexander made him feel good about himself.

Fat men are bad guys. Bad guys are not called heavies for nothing. Babe has made a career out of playing heavies.

Are fat men leads? Not so much. Not since Roscoe Arbuckle, and Roscoe Arbuckle is now directing cheap shorts for Educational Pictures and drinking himself to death on Buster Keaton’s dime.

But he has watched Babe, directed Babe, acted with Babe. And he likes Babe. Everybody likes Babe.

When Leo McCarey suggests a collaboration, he is not surprised.

– Maybe we could come up with something for you and Babe Hardy?

By ‘we’, of course, Leo McCarey means maybe he can come up with something for both of them.

And he does. It is not his own idea, but A.J.’s: an old piece of music hall business, yet solid, like all A.J.’s work. Home from the Honeymoon. It is not a bad title, but Leo McCarey suggests an alternative, Duck Soup, which is a very Leo McCarey title. It means nothing, and everything. Beanie Walker is attached as writer, but it is the easiest job Beanie Walker will ever have because all of the writing was done two decades earlier.

A two-hander, but with Babe as lead.

Babe has not been the lead in a comedy in many years, not since The Other Girl back in Florida, when God was a child. Babe has resigned himself to never being the lead again.

Babe comes to him to ensure that this billing is correct. Babe notices that he has given himself more gags, but not the momentum of the picture. It is Babe who will make the running.

You don’t want to play the lead? Babe asks.

– No, it works better if you take it.

Babe, summoning to mind the specter of Larry Semon, tries to recall if anyone in his experience has ever willingly ceded the spotlight in a picture, and decides that no one has, or certainly not for Babe Hardy.

– And it’s okay with Hal?

– It is if the picture’s good.

Babe nods.

Thank you, says Babe.

– You’re welcome.

Babe leaves to find a quiet corner of the lot. Babe takes the script with him, but does not open it.

Babe sits, and contemplates.





62


In 1915, Chaplin is being paid $1,250 per week by Essanay.

In 1916, Chaplin is being paid $10,000 per week by Mutual, and has pocketed a signing bonus of $150,000.

In 1918, Chaplin is being paid $1,075,000 per year by First National.

In 1925, he is being paid $5,695 per year by Hal Roach.

In 1926, he is being paid $12,450 per year by Hal Roach.

In 1927, he is being paid $20,450 per year by Hal Roach.

By 1927, no studio can afford Chaplin.





63


At the Oceana Apartments, he checks his wallet.

He is comfortable, but not wealthy. He has been cautious in his investments ever since the stock market crash of 1929, when he lost much of his savings. Annuities have funded his retirement, and what he does not need he gives away, although sometimes he grows weary of the endless importuning.

For the world is full of starving actors.

Ben Shipman looks after his financial affairs, and has for decades, which may explain why he is not wealthier. He thinks Ben Shipman’s negotiating strategy went something like this: STUDIO: We’d like to offer him a new contract.

BEN SHIPMAN: Great. How much should we pay you?

But Ben Shipman is a nice man, and Ben Shipman is not a crook.

And besides, because of Ben Shipman, there is nothing left for Ben Shipman to steal.

He could live somewhere better, he knows, somewhere bigger, but he enjoys being near the sea, and he enjoys being around people. He can walk out of his apartment, if he is feeling well enough, and become part of the flow, or climb in the Mercury and go to a restaurant, but he tries to be discreet. It is not that he is in any way aloof – if that were the case, he would not be listed in the telephone book – but he is uncomfortable with his looks and his age. He remains a younger man on television, and that is how the Audience thinks of him. He does not wish to disappoint it with reality. This is why he turns down offers to appear on shows and in pictures.

And, of course, there is Babe: what is he without Babe but a reminder of all that has been lost?

He closes his wallet.





64


Hal Roach gives Mae Busch a contract.

Hal Roach gives Mae Busch a contract because Mae Busch is funny, and pretty.

Hal Roach gives Mae Busch a contract because it will annoy the hell out of Mack Sennett.