he: A Novel

By the time he makes The Snow Hawk, he knows that Hal Roach is right. Twelve and a half percent of one Hal Roach picture is worth more than fifteen percent of twenty Joe Rock pictures. He will return to the Hal Roach lot, just as soon as he can finish these damn pictures for Joe Rock.

Joe Rock will not give Mae roles in his pictures, not even as a villager, not even as a tree. This is stipulated in the contract he signs with Joe Rock. He knows that in signing it, he is hurting Mae. He does not inform her until after the deal is concluded.

What’s in it for me? she asks, as she always does.

– I don’t know. We’ll work it out with Joe.

– But I don’t know Joe.

– Joe’s a good guy.

– But I don’t know him.

In his heart, he acknowledges that he did not sign with Joe Rock solely because of the percentages. He signed because of Mae. He signed because Mae will not tolerate being sidelined. Mae will either be forced to change or to leave. But Mae cannot change, and so Mae must leave.

And Joe Rock has introduced him again to Lois Neilson. He remembers her from a picture they made together for Hal Roach back in 1919. Lois Neilson was twenty-four then, and beautiful. She is thirty now, and still beautiful.

The picture they made together was called Do You Love Your Wife?

He tries to put the title out of his mind the first time he takes Lois Neilson to bed.

The Snow Hawk films at Arrowhead Lake, in the mountains of San Bernardino. Mae has insisted on accompanying him. They are sharing a cabin, and in the cabin they fight. Joe Rock can hear them. Everyone can hear them. The cast and crew of The Snow Hawk are bearing witness to the death of a marriage. It does not matter that it is a common-law marriage. It does not matter that no two people bearing these names have ever truly existed. It is mortality nonetheless.

Mae is screaming and crying. Mae claims that Joe Rock tried to fuck her – here, in their cabin. Mae says this because she wants to hurt him. Mae says this because she wants him to believe that someone might still want to fuck her even if he does not.

Joe Rock did not try to fuck Mae. Joe Rock does not want to fuck Mae. Even if Joe Rock did want to fuck Mae, Joe Rock’s wife would not let him.

Joe Rock takes him to an empty cabin. Joe Rock opens a bottle of liquor. Joe Rock pours two glasses, and then pours another two glasses, because he has swallowed the contents of the first two glasses before Joe Rock can even put the bottle down.

She’s killing your career, Joe Rock tells him.

– I know.

– People are talking.

– I know.

– Why do you think Hal Roach let you go? Hal Roach was sicker of Mae than you are.

– I know.

– It’s over between you.

– I know.

Joe Rock informs Mae that her common-law husband will be sleeping in another cabin that night. Joe Rock tells Mae that she should go back to Los Angeles. When they’re done with The Snow Hawk, everyone will sit down and talk.

Mae does not argue. Mae has no arguments left. Mae has seen the change in him. Mae believes that he is sleeping with someone else, the taint of this woman on his mind and his body.

Mae knows that she has lost him.

Later, stories will be told: that Mae is put on a boat back to Australia with a ticket paid for by a loan from Joe Rock; that Mae is given her jewelry to take with her; that cash is left in the care of the purser and handed over only when the ship is at sea, just to ensure that Mae cannot renege on the deal.

Perhaps there is no ship. Perhaps there is no purser.

But there is money – not as much as Mae wants, not as much as she is worth, but better than the alternative.

Mae takes the money, and Mae vanishes.

For a time.





49


At the Oceana Apartments, he experiences a familiar sting of guilt at the memory of Mae, at how easily he cast her aside. The pattern has commenced: the cheating, and the desire for the other, but also the mirroring.

He and Babe; Mae and Madelyn.

Like Babe, he first takes an older woman to his bed.

Like Babe, he cuts her loose for a younger one.

Like Babe, he believes that money will ensure her disappearance.

Like Babe, he is wrong.





50


So Mae is gone, but Joe Rock is still present. Hal Roach may be tight as a stretched drum, but Hal Roach is straight. Joe Rock is swindling his distributors by budgeting for a month’s filming, shooting in just over a week, and pocketing the difference. Joe Rock has to be screwed into his office chair.

But the pictures he makes with Joe Rock are getting better – Navy Blue Days

The Sleuth

Dr Pyckle and Mr Pryde

Half A Man

– even as he counts down the shooting days to freedom. He is still recycling old gags, but he is also creating new ones. He is evolving.

And Hal Roach is monitoring his progress. He will not have to go crawling to Hal Roach once he has tired of Joe Rock.

Because Hal Roach will want him back.





51


He remains aware of Babe Hardy, but only as a figure in the distance, a brief acquaintance now sundered.

Just as he is aware of Larry Semon.

Just as he is aware of Buster Keaton.

Just as he is aware of Harold Lloyd.

Just as he is aware of Chaplin.

Babe is a pro. Everybody says so.

Babe remains faithful to Myrtle, and faithful to Larry Semon. Babe is a practical man, and neither Myrtle nor Larry Semon place undue demands upon him. But Babe also likes Larry Semon, and Larry Semon likes Babe, although possibly not for the same reasons. Babe is no threat to Larry Semon, and has no wish to be, which helps to fan the flames of Larry Semon’s fondness for him. In turn, Larry Semon gives Babe regular work, with plenty of time for Babe to improve his swing on the golf course.

But Larry Semon is trapped in a death spiral, and this is slowly becoming apparent to Babe. Larry Semon is a good gagman, and knows slapstick. But Larry Semon is tiring of shorts and wants to move into features. Larry Semon sees what Chaplin is creating, and what Harold Lloyd is creating, and wishes to create pictures in their likeness. Larry Semon desires not only to be a star, but also to be recognized as an artist.

Larry Semon envies Harold Lloyd.

Larry Semon envies Chaplin.

The two-reel pictures are over, Larry Semon tells Babe. People want more. Look at Lloyd. Look at Chaplin.

And Babe nods his understanding. Babe will support Larry Semon in his efforts to emulate his peers, but privately, alone on the golf course, this is what Babe believes: Larry Semon already takes too long to make a two-reel picture. Vitagraph has cut its ties with him. Even the arrangement by which Larry Semon is allowed to make shorts on Vitagraph’s lot as long as Larry Semon covers his own expenses has become uneconomical.

Larry Semon is struggling.