There are many ways to cook lobster. I like lobster chowder or lobster roll. (A “lobster roll” is a “sandwich.”) My teacher for social studies and world cultures is Ms. Reacher, and she is the one who signed up our class for the “Friends Around the World Pen Pal Program.” She calls it FAW-PUH-PUH. Something I do not like is when people say acronyms, like FAW-PUH-PUH. It is one of my “pet peeves.” “Pet peeves” are “especially annoying things.” My other “pet peeves” include the cafeteria and “fake” Instagram accounts and people who do not RSVP. My “pet peeveiest” thing would be a person who did not RSVP and then said, “Sorry I didn’t remember to RIZVIP.” If I had a dog or a cat, I would call him Peeves, and then I would say, “This is my pet, Peeves.” I cannot have a dog or a cat because I am allergic to dogs and cats and possibly other furry animals. I have not, for example, met a lion or a camel. My other allergies include strawberries and goat cheese and pine nuts. I am not allergic to peanuts, which is excellent, because organic peanut butter is my favorite food. I could eat peanut butter every day and it would never become blasé. Do they use “acronyms” in Indonesia? Something interesting is that up until last school year Ms. Reacher was a “man.” Do you have “transgendered” people in Indonesia? I don’t know much about Indonesia, which I guess is why it’s good that you are going to be my pen pal!
I googled your first name, and did you know that “Fatima” means “captivating” or “shining one” in Arabic? That’s very interesting. My name “Ruby” means “precious jewel,” which is pretty close to “shining one,” which makes us nearly MEANING TWINS! (I just invented that.) How did you get the name “Fatima”? Duh, your parents gave it to you . . . Imagine that I am smacking my forehead. I guess I mean, what made them choose it? Also, do you have a middle name?
I googled pictures of Indonesia. Do you go to the beach a lot? Something to know about me is I google everything. My mom says I should be the Olympic champion in googling.
The instructions say that we should keep our e-mails to “around 250 words,” and I have written more than 500! Please write back soon.
Your pen pal,
Ruby
P.S. I know it’s weird and probably seems like an invasion of privacy, but I had to have Ms. Reacher read this e-mail before I sent it to you. It is an “assignment.” I hope you won’t take that personally because I would want a pen pal even if it weren’t assigned. Anyway, Ms. Reacher said my letter was good but that I should probably not have spent so much time on lobster, seeing as I don’t have a “particular passion” for lobster. She says the part about lobster felt like “padding,” which is when you add extra words to make a certain “word count.” I wasn’t “padding.” I thought the point of this was to learn about each other’s cultures, and lobster really is a big thing in Maine. But I’m sorry if the part about the lobster was super blasé.
P.P.S. Also, Ms. Reacher says I should explain that she was always a woman inside and that she only “presented” as a man before. “Presented” means “looked like” or “appeared to be.” (I think that’s what it means.) To: “Fatima” [email protected]
From: “Ruby”
[email protected]
Date: September 15
Re: Re: Re: Your American Pen Pal, Friends Around the World Pen Pal Program
Dear Fatima,
Your e-mail was Very, Very, Very, Very, Extremely Interesting and Not Even One Word Blasé and your English is Very Good even though you said it wasn’t. I’m super EXCITED that you joined FAW-PUH-PUH to work on your vocabulary because vocabulary is my “raison d’être.” “Raison d’être” means “reason that you are alive.” My other raison d’être is oxygen, ha ha. What is your raison d’être? I didn’t know that Muslims don’t eat lobster and you can only eat seafood with scales! Also, it is interesting that you are Muslim, as I don’t know any Muslims personally, and it is interesting that you are Muslim because none of the other kids in my class have a Muslim pen pal. By the way, I’m sorry if it was awkward that I went on and on about lobster when you can’t even eat it. FACE PALM!
I googled so many things while I was reading your letter. Do you wear a “hijab”? And if you do wear a “hijab,” what do you do when your head gets hot and you are away from your house? The average temperature in Indonesia is 82.4°F or 28.0°C, but you probably know that already.
Ms. Reacher says that our e-mails should “strike a balance between telling about you and asking about them.” She says that “pen pals” are “students and teachers at the same time.”
An interesting thing about me is that my mom is an event planner. She doesn’t like it when people call her a “wedding planner” though mainly what she plans is weddings. When I’m not in school, I work as her assistant. She says I am “trustworthy” and “strong for my age.” I have many responsibilities: 1. Make sure everyone is where they are supposed to be when it’s time for the bride and groom to say their vows. Brides and grooms get lost more often than you would think. I also keep track of the location of the “rings” and the “wedding party.”
2. Sign my mom’s “signature” for deliveries.
3. Answer the phones in the office. I make my voice looooow, and no one ever knows I’m thirteen.
4. Pick up small items, like boutonnieres, from the florist, which is three doors down from my mom’s office. “Boutonnieres” are “the flowers that men wear so they don’t feel left out.”
5. Online and other kinds of “research” for my mom. One time my mom needed to find out if we could get an ice cream truck for a December wedding, even though that did not end up happening. By the way, you can get an ice-cream truck, in December, in Maine, if you ever need one. (I don’t know why you would, seeing as you live in Indonesia!) 6. Putting “place cards” on tables. It is very important to be accurate when I am in charge of this. People get very angry if they are seated in the “wrong” place. Sometimes, they get angry when they are seated in the “right” place, too.
7. Et cetera. (“Et cetera” means “and other things.”)
My mom pays me, and so far, I have saved $3,998.93. I also have been given a “business” American Express card. The American Express card says RUBY MIRANDA YOUNG, and underneath that it says, EVENTS BY JANE, which is the name of my mom’s company. I am only supposed to use the card “for business.” I like to stroke the top of the card with my thumb and pretend that I know how to read Braille. Fun factoid about ME: I am the only thirteen-year-old I know with a business American Express card.
Another interesting thing is that my mom is “running” for mayor of Allison Springs.
Your Meaning Twin,
Ruby
P.S. Ms. Reacher says she is not going to read any more of our correspondence. She will only check to make sure we are doing it. I hope that will ease your mind.
To: “Fatima” [email protected]
From: “Ruby”
[email protected]
Date: September 22
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your American Pen Pal, Friends Around the World Pen Pal Program
Dear Fatima,
Hello!
It is interesting that you and your sister are interested in politics! It is tragic that there are “quotas” on how many women can run for parliament in Indonesia. (I did not know anything about politics in Indonesia so I googled it.) How old are you, by the way? Are you in high school? I do not have many friends who are my exact age. People my age tend to be pretty blasé.
Here are the answers to your questions.
1. Yes, there are female mayors in the U.S., but Allison Springs has never had one before so if my mom wins she will be the “first female mayor,” which is awesome. My mom’s “friend” Mrs. Morgan says that this is because Allison Springs is “shamefully patriarchal.” “Patriarchal” means that “men control everything.” Also, my mom says that she is running for “mayor and not first female mayor.”