“Can’t your attorney step in and put a stop to it?”
“Who can afford to complain? I get billed the minute he picks up the phone.”
“I don’t understand why you’re still at each other’s throats. I thought divorce was supposed to cure that.”
“That’s what Stella says. I tell her, hey, it’s not me. It’s her.” He stood and toweled off the sweat. “Thing about Teddy is she’s smart. There are people who’re smart and people who just think they’re smart. She’s the real deal. She came up from nothing, same way I did. I’m not a sophisticated guy. Neither of us has a college degree, but Teddy’s got a head on her and she studies up. Anything she doesn’t know, she learns.”
He went on with his commentary, which was largely critical, but underscored by a grudging admiration. As he detailed her many faults—grasping, insatiable, and spoiling for a fight—the unconscious smile that played across his face spoke more of veneration than distaste.
“What kicked off this latest round?” I asked.
“I’ve been wondering about that myself, and here’s what I think it was. She calls me a couple of weeks ago and starts kissing up. Says water under the bridge, bygones be bygones, and I’m like, ‘What? No hard feelings? Are you kidding me? Never in a million years.’”
I said “Uh-huh” to show I was listening.
“She says she’s been thinking about the condominium because she netted a big chunk of change and she knows I got the short end of the stick. She feels bad about it, she says. So then she says if I want to work out a side deal, she’d be willing to discuss it.”
“What kind of side deal? You said all you ended up with was used furniture.”
“My question exactly, so I asked her outright. I said, ‘What’s so interesting about the shit that was in the condo?’ Most of that stuff’s been sitting in the basement for years.”
“There must be something of real value.”
“Agreed. Don’t ask me what because we never did a formal inventory. Stuff’s been appraised, but I don’t know what’s what. The previous owners came over here from England just before the turn of the century. I don’t know how the guy made his money, but there was plenty of it. The house was passed down I don’t know how many times. The day the last family member died, the attorney locked the doors and left it just like it was. We bought it fully equipped and decked out, right down to the Oriental rugs. Anyway, Teddy backed away from the subject, which doesn’t mean she’s giving up. If I know her, she’ll just come at it from a different direction.”
“Any chance she’s sincere about making amends?”
He laughed. “Nice idea, but no. Reason I thought the two of us should talk is that whole Beverly Hills scene between her and the ex-con. Nash lays it out for me and it makes no sense. I figured he must have missed a beat, which is why I wanted to hear it from you.”
I said, “Why don’t you just leave well enough alone? Are you hoping for a fight?”
“Hey, not me. That’s Teddy’s MO. We finally hammered out an agreement. Everything’s divided up right down to the penny. I get this. She gets that. Sign on the dotted line and we have a deal. She signs. I sign. Now she wants something else. What the hell is that about?”
“Did you ever stop to think this is a conditioned response on your part?” I said. “You’re so accustomed to Teddy besting you, you can’t accept peace when she offers it.”
“You want a drink? Iced tea?”
“Sure.”
“Wait here.” He moved to the doorway, where I could see an intercom mounted on the wall. He pressed a button.
“Yes, sir?”
“Tell Maurie to bring us a couple iced teas, and not that mint shit.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I’ll be right back,” he said. He paused to pull off his running shoes and padded into the next room in his sock feet. A moment later I heard a shower running.
Three minutes later he was back wearing fresh clothes and running a pocket comb through his hair. We went out onto the patio and sat down. Maurie, who’d met me at the door, made her way down from the main house bearing a silver tray on which she’d set two tall glasses of iced tea. When she reached us, she placed the tray on the wrought-iron table between our two chairs. She’d included a silver creamer, a sugar bowl, and real linen cocktail napkins monogrammed with an X.
While we sipped our tea, we sat and looked out at the property. The gardener’s leaf blower punctuated the otherwise still air.
I said, “How do you keep the lawn so green?”
“I have water trucked in.”
“Ah.”