“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
I whirl around. “He called me sadiq.”
Her expression twists in confusion.
“It means friend in Arabic.”
“So you attacked him?”
“Yes.” She wanted the fucking truth, well, there it is.
“I don’t understand.”
“No, I suppose, you wouldn’t.” I’d only been back on US soil for a month and that fucker was speaking in Arabic not thinking I could understand. I was already on edge, the crowded bar and the drunks, but when that word came from his lips directed at me it was a portal to the past. I felt everything—the fear, defeat, the fucking shame. All of it hit at once and I was far from prepared.
God, I am such a fuckup.
She licks her quivering lips.
“This was a bad idea.” I’ve chased off everyone I care about, my own parents look at me like I’m a stranger; why did I think I could maintain any kind of relationship with a woman, especially one as sweet and unaffected as Celia. “You should probably go.”
“Don’t push me away.” Her bare feet pad against the hollow-sounding floor and I spin around, hating the feeling of someone approaching my back. She seems shocked and stills for a second, taking me in, possibly gauging if I’m safe enough to get close to. Shit, I did a number on this girl without even trying. Feeling like a total dick and wishing I could express how fucking sorry I am, I do the only thing I can think of and open my arms.
She doesn’t hesitate and rushes into them, gripping me tight around my waist.
“I’m so sorry.”
“I know you are, and I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. But Aden . . . I don’t want to leave.”
I drop a kiss to the top of her head, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair. “No?”
She shakes her head, her cheek pressing deeper into my chest.
“God, look at your skin, baby.” I squeeze her tighter to me but am mindful of her bruises. “How can you stand to have me touch you again?”
“You were sleeping, you didn’t do it on purpose. In the time we’ve been hanging out I’ve never once been afraid you’d hurt me. Maybe . . .” She peers up at me. “If it’ll make you feel better, maybe we don’t sleep over anymore.”
I’m not jazzed on the thought of not having her in my arms at night, but she’s right. She’s safer in the cottage.
“If that’s what it takes.” Her body presses to mine, her hands splayed against my lower back as she clings to me, it all feels too good, too safe, and impossible to let go of. And for the first time I wonder how I’m going to say goodbye when she moves back to Phoenix, how I’ll ever be able to get through a day without the promise of seeing her at the end of it. “You know, at this rate, I may never let you go.”
Her breath hitches and I cringe, thinking if my night terrors don’t scare her away my brutal honesty might.
“Let’s go do something fun today.”
I push her strawberry-blond hair off her forehead. “I gotta fish today, freckles.”
She melts back into me. “I could go with you. I’ve been told I’m a pretty good deckhand, and a master baiter.”
Squeezing her tighter I chuckle and bury my nose in her hair. I close my eyes, thankful as hell that after all she knows she’s still willing to spend time with me. “Are you sure?”
“Mm-hm.”
I’m not one hundred percent sure about what the hell we’re doing or where this is going, but I’m greedy enough to not push away whatever part of her she’s offering.
“Did you bring a swimsuit?”
SAWYER
“Are you insane? I’m not getting in that thing!”
Aden’s grinning in that stupidly sexy way, his dark Ray-Bans covering those chocolate-brown eyes that I know are dancing with humor. “Oh come on, ya big baby.” He knocks on the faded yellow plastic. “It’s solid. Nothing can hurt you in here.”
My eyes dart from him to the cluster of small islands behind him as we bob and sway with the swell of the tide. Aden called them the Coronado Islands and explained we’re about eight miles off the coast of Baja. They’re majestic the way they sit out in the ocean, waves crashing against their rugged shorelines, and sea lions sun bathing on the rocks, but that was before I was asked to get off the safety of Aden’s boat. Now they look like the enormous teeth of a sea monster inviting me in to be eaten alive!
“Jenkins, back me up here.” I sidestep and hide behind the old man who is leaning back with a cigar between his teeth. He invited himself to come along, and though I could tell Aden was disappointed that we wouldn’t be on the boat alone, after what happened last night I think he felt I’d feel safer with a chaperone. “A shark could bite right through that . . . that . . . what is that?”
“It’s a kayak, princess.” Jenkins laughs but it sounds more like a cough. “Stop being a pussy and get your ass over there.”
“A pussy?” I don’t think I’ve ever been called that in my entire life. Aden’s shoulders are jumping in silent laughter.
“You heard me.” He jerks his chin up. “I want to take a nap and I can’t do it with you here squawking.”
“You asked for something fun.” Aden holds up an oar. “Now come on, freckles, get in the fucking kayak.”
My gut tumbles and clenches at the sound of him calling me freckles, but nerves have my knees practically knocking together. I did say I wanted to do something fun, something that would help us forget, but that was to redirect the conversation, an attempt to erase the battle that waged in his eyes as he spoke of his military past. And yeah, it was also a way to move away from the sickness I felt at his telling me of his betrayal. How he’d been deceived.
It was a way to change the subject, to ease my own guilt about lying to him. I almost confessed. My mouth was forming the words when I realized . . .
He can never find out.
Ever.
If he did he’d feel duped, manipulated.
I’d be no different from the snake who deceived him.
It was in that moment I decided I’d keep my secret. When my time here is up I’ll move back to Phoenix, and never talk to Aden again.
It’s such a bummer because there’s a little part of me that wondered what would happen if we stayed in touch, how long things would last between us if I were Sawyer, but after hearing about how he was lied to it was clear that there could never be anything more between us.
All we have is now. And however long it takes to pack up Celia’s place, which at this point shouldn’t take much longer. The promise I made to my sister is now also a promise I’ve made to myself.
For now . . . I am Celia.
Staring out at the vast open ocean I can’t believe I’m actually considering putting nothing between me and Jaws but an old faded piece of plastic.
“Woman!” Jenkins tosses one wrinkled hand toward Aden. “Get out there!”