She breathes out as if in relief and smiles. “Good.” Her eyebrows pinch together. “Aden, why did you get so drunk tonight? Was it because of me?”
Now I step back, putting space between us because I don’t want her to know I’m a fucked-up mess who doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air she does. “Nah . . . it was a lapse in judgment. It won’t happen again.”
Her expression says she doesn’t seem convinced, and I can’t stand to see the questions in her eyes. I hit the light on the wall, plunging us into darkness.
Gripping her by her hips, I spin her around, lift her to sit on the counter, and step between her knees. “Now . . . about that kissing you promised.” I slide my fingers into her hair and tug at her bottom lip with my teeth. The earthy scent of coffee on her breath swirls around me washing away the tension of the day.
Her breathing speeds and she scoots to the edge of the counter, pressing the heat between her legs against me I grasp her thigh and moan at the friction against my hardening dick. “A deal is a deal.”
Our mouths mold together and we make out like teenagers in the kitchen. In a frenzy of hands and tongues and teeth, I carry her to my bed and sink deep into her body, losing myself again to the spell she casts over me.
SAWYER
My eyes dart open. It’s dark. My pulse races as I try to place myself.
I’m on Aden’s boat—a stabbing pain shoots through my thigh. I reach for it. There’s a cry of anguish, but it’s not mine.
I rub my leg and kick the other to move away from— Heat slices my shoulder blade.
I cry out and attempt to scurry off the bed. Powerful hands grip at me so tight I whimper.
“Let me go!” I kick and he releases me so hard I’m thrown off the bed. My back slams into the wall.
Another guttural whimper comes from the bed and everything comes rushing back.
“Aden?” What is he doing?
He thrashes violently and I back up to avoid getting caught up in it.
Tears burn my eyes as he mumbles something incoherent and buries his fists into the bed.
“Stop it!”
“. . . killed them . . . you . . .” another cry of agony. “. . . they’re dead . . .” He pushes up and punches the mattress.
Tears fall, streaming down my cheeks as I watch the big powerful man I’ve come to know dissolve from a feral animal to a broken and fragile man.
He’s on his knees, his body hunched over, fists dug into the bed. His tattoo gleams in the dim moonlight with sweat-soaked skin. The rise and fall of his shoulders slows.
I approach him cautiously. My hand shakes as I reach up and lay it on his back—
He moves so fast that when my back hits the bed I don’t know how I got there except for the fire burning in the eyes that bore into mine. His grip on my arms is so tight I cry out in pain. “You’re hurting me.”
He snarls. “I trusted you. You fucking . . .” He chokes on a sob. “. . . killed them.”
“Aden, no. It’s me. Sawyer . . . I mean.” Fuck! “Wake up.” I stumble over my words and he blinks. His grip lets up. “Wake up, you’re dreaming. Ow, Aden . . . please.” The tears are falling faster now. “You’re hurting me.”
I watch in shock as his eyes go from unfocused to clear, his jaw from rock hard to slack. He pushes himself off me and scrambles to the end of the bed, his eyes tracking around the small space.
I push up and put one foot on the ground, not sure if I want to run or stay. What the fuck just happened?
“Aden . . .?”
“Are—” His voice cracks. “Are you okay?”
I’m sore, and scared, but I’m not hurt. “You were dreaming.”
He runs two hands over his head and rocks back and forth. “Fuck. I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so sorry.”
I crawl to him and reach around his big body, pushing up on my knees to hug him close. I expect him to pull away, to push me off, but instead he clings to me as if I’m a life ring in a hurricane. He buries his nose against my neck and the moisture of his sweat and tears cools my skin. “Don’t leave me.”
My heart beats frantically and nausea builds in my gut, but he’s crumbling in my arms and there’s no way I could walk away from him like this. “I won’t.”
“I want to forget.” His lips run from my earlobe down to my collarbone and I shiver in his unrelenting hold. “Make me forget.”
“How?”
He lays me down on the sweat-soaked sheets as if I’m made of the most fragile china. “Let me inside.” He crawls between my legs and presses his bare chest to mine.
“Your heart, it’s . . .” It’s thunderous behind his ribs. “Aden . . .” I run my hands up and down his back in soothing stokes. “Breathe.”
He takes a deep but shaky breath. “I need you.” An animal-like sound claws up his throat when I widen my legs and flex my hips.
I have so many questions, but this isn’t the time. For now, he needs me. This powerful soldier needs me to save him from the nightmares in his head.
“You have me.”
He holds his weight up to reach over me and grab a condom off the nightstand. Ripping it with his teeth, he rolls it on and enters me slowly.
He gives me his weight then, and we lie there connected until his pulse slows and he kisses me like a man desperate for a kind of healing only I can provide.
And then, he starts to move.
Pushing up he pulls my hands above my head, pressing them down into the pillow. He holds them there, towering above me, and when he’d usually keep his gaze fully focused on mine, now his eyes are closed. His brows pinch together as if he’s in pain and he grunts with every forceful thrust.
His jaw ticks and the sound of his teeth gnashing together mixes with his panting breath. My heart throbs as I watch him wrestle with his own mind, as if he’s pushing out the negative thoughts with every push inside my body.
Tears spring to my eyes as I find it impossible to look away from the anguish he wears so plainly on his face.
I flex my hands, wanting to free them from his unyielding grip. “Aden . . .” It’s as if there’s a wall between us as he refuses to even acknowledge my voice, and my chest seizes at the thought. “Please, let me touch you.” I give another tug of my hands only to have him clasp them tighter.
“I don’t deserve your comfort.” His hips jack forward. “I don’t deserve your hands on me.”
His movement becomes uncoordinated and he whimpers as he fights to purge the memories.
Sickness turns in my gut coupled by a pleasure that I’ve come to associate with Aden. This shouldn’t feel good, this isn’t for me, and yet I’m powerless against the moan that tumbles from my lips.
He stills and looks down at me, his expression softening. It’s then I realize that my cheeks are streaked in tears.
He releases my hands and presses his chest to mine, burying his face in my neck, he moves with more deliberate strokes.
“I’m sorry, baby.” He bathes my throat in wet kisses. “It’s okay. Please, don’t cry.”
I wrap my arms around him and hold on, hoping it’ll keep him with me, that I won’t lose him again to the darkness I managed to help chase away.
SIXTEEN
ADEN
I fucked up.