As the Queen of Hearts watched the Wicked Witch and the Winkies race off, a stiff hand unexpectedly tapped her on the shoulder.
“Excuse me, ma’am?” asked a voice behind her. “Would you happen to know how to get to Grand Central Station from here?”
The Queen of Hearts turned around and discovered the Tin Woodman standing behind her. The queen had never seen a man made of metal before, and a delighted squeal escaped her lips. She stepped toward the metal man with eyes like a predator.
“My word, what a remarkably rare head you have,” she said, and stroked the side of his face. “It would be a wonderful addition to my collection.”
“Come again?” the Tin Woodman asked.
“GUARDS, SEIZE THIS MAN AT ONCE!” the Queen of Hearts shouted. “AND OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”
“And this is why you don’t ask for directions in strange cities,” the Tin Woodman said to himself.
The Ozian ran from the deranged queen as fast as his tin legs would carry him. He took a sharp turn on Fifth Avenue, heading south into the city, and the card soldiers hurried after him. The Queen of Hearts snapped her fingers, and two of her soldiers joined hands, scooped her up, and carried her with them as they chased after the Tin Woodman.
Unbeknownst to the Literary Army, they had just been strategically lured away by Conner’s friends and characters—and the villains had taken the bait like a hungry school of fish. Now that the Jolly Roger was flying after the Dolly Llama, the flying monkeys were following the Ziblings, the Winkies were running after the Merry Men, and the card soldiers were chasing the Tin Woodman, the general and the Marines were left completely unattended on Fifty-Ninth Street.
The Marines looked around the street in total bewilderment—how had they gone from facing certain execution to freedom so quickly?
“Sir, what just happened?” a Marine asked.
“That was called luck, Sergeant,” General Wilson responded. “Let’s not press it any further.”
“Your orders, sir?” asked another Marine.
“Evacuate Manhattan immediately,” General Wilson said. “And someone get the president on the phone at once. We need authorization to wipe out these barbarians before they disperse.”
“Sir, what does that mean?”
“I’m saying we are at DEFCON-2, Sergeant,” the general barked. “We need to vaporize this island while those savages are still on it. In less than an hour, New York City will only exist in our memories.”
The Dolly Llama snaked between the city’s buildings with the Jolly Roger hot on its tail. The pirates fired their cannons at one another, but the ships floated so freely, it was difficult to hit their targets. Cannonballs slammed into the high-rises they sailed past, leaving a trail of shattered glass, broken antennas, and busted corporate logos throughout Midtown Manhattan.
“Enough cat-and-mouse games,” Captain Auburn Sally announced. “It’s time to confront these scallywags face-to-face!”
The Dolly Llama set sail for the Empire State Building, then made a dramatic turn. Admiral Jacobson tied down the ship’s helm, and the Dolly Llama began circling the Empire State Building. The Jolly Roger mimicked the maneuver and also revolved around the building.
Captain Auburn Sally and her crew swung onto the observation deck while Admiral Jacobson and his fleet manned the cannons. Captain Hook and his men joined the women on the observation deck, leaving Mr. Smee to operate all the Jolly Roger’s cannons on his own. The men of the Jolly Roger and the women of the Dolly Llama formed lines at opposite ends of the observation deck and drew their weapons.
“Men like you give pirates a bad name,” Captain Auburn Sally said.
“You aren’t pirates,” Captain Hook said with a laugh. “You’re just a bunch of little girls with attitude!”
“Then I feel sorry for you, Hook,” Auburn Sally said. “Because you and your men are about to get your booty handed to you by a bunch of little girls. Ladies, charge!”
The pirates from Starboardia and the pirates from Neverland clashed in a swashbuckling spectacle eighty-six stories above the ground. Cannonballs flew above their heads as the circling ships sparred in the air. The sounds of clanking swords and firing cannons echoed in the streets of New York City.
The crew of the Dolly Llama were gifted swordswomen, but they also used some of their signature moves to battle the men of the Jolly Roger. Winking Wendy made her opponents sick by flashing the empty socket under her eye patch. Fish-Lips Lucy gave her adversaries painful hickeys when they least expected it. Somersault Sydney tumbled across the observation deck and knocked down the men in her path like they were bowling pins. Stinky-Feet Phoebe held her smelly feet against her challengers’ faces until the fumes made them lose consciousness. Too-Much-Rum Ronda broke empty bottles of rum over the pirates’ heads—and after a long week at the Saint Andrew’s Children’s Hospital commissary, Ronda had a lot of empty bottles.
While the pirates battled on top of the Empire State Building, Peter Pan covertly flew over to the Jolly Roger. He quietly searched all the ship’s decks for Tinker Bell, but the fairy was nowhere to be found.
“Looking for this, Peter?” Captain Hook called to him.
Peter Pan jerked his head toward the sound of Hook’s voice. The captain was standing on the edge of the observation deck with a jar dangling from his hook, and Peter saw Tinker Bell trapped inside it.
“Give her back!” Peter Pan shouted.
“If you want her, come and get her!” Captain Hook yelled.
Peter Pan removed the dagger from his boot and met Captain Hook on the edge of the observation deck. The literary characters fought each other with more intensity than ever before. The more they fought, the higher they climbed, and soon they were dueling on the roof of the observation deck. Captain Hook climbed a ladder up the side of the building’s spire while Peter hovered in the air beside him—all while blocking deadly blows from the other’s weapon. Finally, the captain reached the very top of the building’s spire and couldn’t climb any higher.
“Hand over the fairy,” Peter Pan demanded.
The captain couldn’t tell if Peter was deliberately taunting him, but he still cringed at the word hand.
“Do you know what I wish I could do more than anything else in the world, Peter?” Captain Hook asked.
“Clap?” Peter Pan guessed.
“What?” the captain asked. “No!”
“Do a handstand?”
“NO!”
“Play the piano?”
“STOP IT! STOP MAKING APPENDAGE JOKES!”
“Why? Is it getting out of hand?”
“YOU ARE SO IMMATURE!”
“Captain, now is not the time to point the finger.”
Peter Pan was beside himself with laughter. Captain Hook growled angrily and got back to his point.