‘Lucy, it’s skin. Yours looks a little different, that’s all, and if you’re so worried about what strangers would think, then let me see and tell you the truth.’
Lucy shook her head, but Ellie looked anyway, saw what she could. It was bad, it was heartbreaking, but it wasn’t the end of the world. ‘It’s bad,’ she said honestly, knowing Lucy would see through her if she lied. ‘But so much of you is still unchanged. It’s how you feel on the inside that’s making you scared.’
Lucy was playing with the edge of her blanket, not saying a word.
‘When I was at my lowest, you were there for me. You helped me find my way, covered my shifts and guided me. I will never forget that, and I want to do the same for you.’
‘Then leave me,’ Lucy muttered. ‘Please, leave me and get on with your life and enjoy your baby.’
‘No,’ Ellie replied.
‘Pull the curtains on your way out. I don’t want to catch sight of myself in the mirror.’
Ellie watched her, saw her turn away, her shoulders slumped. Lucy looked defeated, and it broke her heart, but if she didn’t want her there, then she wasn’t going to stay.
‘Fine,’ she said. ‘But I’m not burying you in darkness just because you’re afraid of your reflection.’ Ellie pulled a blanket from the back of the chair and draped it over the one mirror in the room. ‘The dark is far more scary than looking at your beautiful, brave self.’
She bent to drop a kiss to Lucy’s head, lips touching her silky soft hair, before standing and walking from the room. She’d be back, but for now she was going to respect Lucy’s wishes.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Lucy
‘Lucy, there’s a gentleman here to see you.’
Lucy looked up from where she was sitting. She spent most days in her chair, reading, knitting what she could for the hospital to keep soldiers and new babies warm, and drinking tea. Cup after cup of tea – tea she enjoyed every sip of compared to the shudder-worthy Compo tea they’d all suffered. She wasn’t used to having visitors, and the ones who had come, well, they hadn’t kept coming back. She was wallowing in her own self-pity and she knew it, but it didn’t change how she felt, even if the guilt from pushing Ellie away the week before was still weighing on her. One day she’d tell her that she’d helped, that it was she who’d made her get up each day, let the sun in, and do her best to help the war effort from home. But she wasn’t ready to reach out yet.
‘Lucy!’
‘I heard you, Mother. Whoever he is, tell him to go away.’ Her mother had barely spoken to her after her violent reaction the last time she’d suggested an outing. She didn’t seem to get that she wasn’t about to walk out of that door, that she wasn’t ready to face the world. Everything she’d planned had been taken away, because she certainly wasn’t going to go to medical school and face the stares and whispers of others.
There was a shuffle in the hallway and then her mother’s head appeared around the door. ‘Dear, it’s an American soldier. He said his name was Captain Jack Colton.’
Lucy froze. She then carefully took the book from her lap and placed it on the table beside her. ‘You’re certain?’ she asked, staring at her mother. But there was no reason for her mother to be playing games; Lucy had never once mentioned Jack to her. Unless she’d mumbled it when she’d been heavily sedated in hospital.
Her mother nodded, looking uncertain.
‘Please tell him I’m unavailable.’
‘Lucy, there is an extremely handsome soldier standing at our door. Don’t make me leave him standing there! I’ve had it with having to pretend you’re as good as dead!’
Lucy summoned all her courage, all her determination, despite the rapid beat of her heart. She’d never been so desperate to see another human being in her entire life, but there was no way she was letting him ever see her like this. Anyone but Jack! Why had he come looking for her? After all these months of telling herself that it had been an empty promise, and here he was standing on her doorstep. Asking for her. Waiting for her.
‘Mother, please. I’m not seeing him, so tell him to leave.’
Lucy could only guess how hard her mother had found it having her home like this, caring for her and most likely wondering when her happy, strong girl was going to come back. She wished for her old self some days, too, and she certainly wasn’t going to let Jack see her like this.
‘Lucy . . .’
She turned away, looked out of the window, at the curtains blowing in the breeze, the world looking so sunny and leafy today, it was almost impossible to believe there was still a war going on.
Lucy sat still, then couldn’t stand it any longer, knowing he was out there and not being able to catch even a glimpse of him. She touched her hand to her face then slowly let her fingers trail down her neck, stalling when they touched the edge of her burn scars before bravely following the path down to her collarbone. She knew there were a million reasons to be thankful – that she was alive, that most of her face had been spared. But the burns slicing across her jawline, down her neck and her arm, her hand, they were impossible to ignore and even harder to forget about. She was a different person now.
She rose, walking so quietly across the carpet and leaning into the window. She could hear them, her mother being friendly, and then the deep voice that she’d never forget, no matter how hard she tried.
‘I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sorry, but she’s – well – Lucy has been through a lot.’
‘You tell her that I’ll be waiting here,’ he said, so confident and strong. ‘I don’t mean to be a nuisance, ma’am, but I owe your daughter my life, and I’ll just sit and wait her out until she’s ready to see me.’
‘Oh no, I couldn’t have you sitting out here,’ her mother gasped. ‘You can come on in, maybe you could tell me all about how my little daughter managed to save a soldier like you.’
He laughed and Lucy found it impossible not to smile. He was charming her mother, a woman certainly not used to the charms of Yanks in uniforms.
‘I’m fine waiting out here, and that’ll be her story to tell you, ma’am,’ he said with a chuckle. ‘But your little daughter, well, she’s got the heart and courage of a lion if you ask me.’
Lucy wanted to call out to him, to give in and follow her heart, but she couldn’t bear to see the look on his face. She’d rather exist in his memory, a pretty nurse with perfect skin. She hadn’t thought so back then, but now she could understand just how lovely her skin had once been, something she’d always taken for granted. She wanted him to remember the person she’d been then, the nurse with more determination and courage than she could ever summon now.
‘You’re certain? You’ll sit out here?’
‘Tell her I’ll wait. I’ll be waiting for her, all night if I have to.’
Lucy heard her mother shut the door. It closed with a soft thud, and then she listened to footfalls echo down the hall before her mother appeared in the room again.