I?, Azathoth, void and melody.
I?, Shub-Nigaroth, mother of fear. I had never understood that cognomen, had taken it as a joke when Mother simply said that children were terrifying. Have you not just told me of my own daughter’s death? Now, thinking of Grandfather’s raw mourning, I believed her—and feared further understanding. I thought on that fear a long time, and reached out to touch an encircling tentacle.
A whisper of motion, a breath of ice, told me that someone else had entered the church. I froze, but didn’t blow out the candle. I stood and faced the nave, ready to argue for my presence.
After staring so long into the flame, the rest of the church appeared dim and deeply shadowed. My nostrils flared, and brought me the scent of snow and musky cologne, some odd chemical astringence, and below that the more natural musk of a nervous man of the air. Boots scraped the floor, and at last my eyes picked out the form of Jesse Sadler. I felt a wave of irritation before recalling that Leroy was a good friend of his. The astringent scent was from the hospital, and he had every right to seek me out.
Although hadn’t Leroy and Sally sworn not to mention my family?
“Miss Marsh?” he called hesitantly.
I stepped to the side. “You’re welcome to join me.”
He trod into the circle of candlelight. “Please don’t be angry. I kept pressing them—I knew that Audrey hadn’t gone to Innsmouth. Finally, after she left, Sally told me to ask you. I thought I might find you here.”
Apparently Audrey’s lessons in effective deception went only so far. “Suppose I tell you that what happened isn’t likely to be a danger to you and yours again, and that you’re better off not knowing? Because both those things are true.”
“Then I would agree that you’re probably right, and leave.”
I sighed. “And promptly do everything in your power to investigate?”
He sank to the floor before the altar, kissed two fingers and touched them to the stone. “I’m a biology minor. I know the track and sign of every animal found in eastern Massachusetts. There are no wolves. If there are monsters, they fall within the scope of my major—and they could carry all manner of infection, or have developed a taste for my best friend’s blood. So no, I can’t leave be.” He shrugged and spread his arms. “I really hope Sally wasn’t hinting that I ought to bring some sort of weapon and force you to help. It seemed like a terrible idea—but if you’re going to grow claws and attack me, you may as well do it now.”
I shuddered and sat beside him. “I’m glad you didn’t. I’ve had a horrible day already.”
“I heard those weird government people arrested a bunch of girls earlier. That wasn’t you and Audrey, was it?”
“That was me, yes. But not Audrey, who’s more sensible than to come in through a guarded gate. They let us go, anyway.”
He nodded. “I don’t like having those people on campus. Miskatonic minds its own business, and they just come barging in here like they know anything about us. Are they looking for whatever got Leroy?”
I rubbed my arms as if against the chill. I brushed my hand across my forearm and the sigil that connected me to Sally, caught the echo of tension and boredom in her distant skin. “No. Them arriving today is—not coincidence, I think, but not directly connected, either.” I weighed whether to warn him that they were interested in his old friend Kirill. “As for what attacked Leroy … he ran afoul of my family.”
“Your family have claws?” His eyes flicked downward, and I held out my long-fingered hands with their ordinary nails for his inspection.
“Some of us. Give me a few years.” Explaining this to him was a terrible idea—but it was late, and I was tired, and I couldn’t see a good way around it. Perhaps I needed lessons from Audrey as well. “Leroy was rude to her. She was rude to him. He hit her, and she was hurt enough to fight back. I don’t think she gained any taste for his blood—she helped us save him.”
“Huh.” He leaned back, and it took me a moment to interpret the expression on his face as a sort of horrified wonder. “I don’t suppose they’d talk to me? It must be an amazing thing, going through that kind of change—I mean, I assume you don’t just grow claws?”
I stiffened. “I thought you believed there were things beyond human understanding.”
“Cosmic mysteries that can’t be understood through science, sure. But this is biology.”
“We’re not some sort of experiment for your edification.”
He held up his hands, placating. “Sorry—I didn’t mean to upset you again. But you can’t blame a guy for being curious.” He reached out and touched my cheek.
I should have slapped him at once for taking such a liberty. Instead, I’m ashamed to say, I froze. He took that as invitation, and drew my face toward his. His breath smelled of burnt meat and a horrid mixture of fear and excitement, and it spurred me into motion. I pushed him back—harder than I intended to, harder than an ordinary woman of my size could have managed. He flung his arms back and managed to avoid hitting his head against the stone wall of the shrine. He lay still for a moment, blinking rapidly.
“Mr. Sadler,” I said, drawing from script. “I’m afraid you have misunderstood me entirely.”
“Yeah.” He sat up, rubbing his neck and eyeing me more cautiously—though with no less desire. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any offense.”
“So long as you keep your hands to yourself, we’ll forget that it happened.”
He nodded, and examined his arms. They looked bruised, and I caught a whiff of blood. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I won’t try it again. I take a girl at her word. Safer that way—especially with you!”
I tried to reclaim the trail of our conversation. “That may be. I don’t think you’d get along with my family, either, and I hope you’ll respect my not making introductions. As for this afternoon—Miss Ward told me about your tryst with her and Mr. Price.”
He blanched. “She told you about that?” He swallowed, added quietly: “She was … I mean, we didn’t…”
“As long as they were both interested, it doesn’t change my opinion of you”—irritating and smarmy, with extremely foolish ideas about magic—“but she told me as surety for her silence, and I won’t hesitate to tell those who will object, if you start talking to people about my family. We’ve suffered greatly when others knew of our presence, and all we want now is to be left alone.”
Jesse nodded hurriedly. “I understand, I really do.” He stood, started to back away. “Uh—is there anything I should know? To help Leroy?”
I shook my head. “At this point, they’re just ordinary wounds. I did everything I could for him before he went anywhere near the hospital.”