I packed enough stuff for a week, possibly longer, just in case. While the lady at the airline counter checked my bags, I held my boarding pass tightly in my hand, praying I was making the right decision for us both. I was so nervous to get on that plane, but after three hours onboard, it was more nerve-racking to step off.
I watched while some people ran to those they loved waiting for them while others just grabbed their bags and took off alone. The crowd was thick and moving swiftly in all directions as I searched for Calvin.
When his face appeared through the crowd wearing a fearful but hopeful smile, my heart melted. I took a deep breath and began to walk, meeting him halfway.
“Hi,” I said, a bit breathless, my heart hammering in my chest.
He swallowed hard. “Hi.”
We just stood there, gazing at each other, taking the other in. He looked thinner to me. Older somehow. And sad. And afraid. And so very, very hopeful.
“How was—?”
“Did you—?”
We laughed nervously when our words collided. Then we just gazed at each other again, then I smiled and his lips curved up in response.
There.
There was the boy I knew and fell in love with. The boy I’d been in love with for half of my life. The boy no other man could replace, no matter how hard I tried these past few months.
If there was any chance at all of us staying together, I was going to try.
So I took his hand.
Our fingers linked as he walked me to baggage claim. They stayed linked when he walked me to his car. That reminded me. “Will this all fit?” I asked, remembering how small his Porsche was.
“Yup,” he said proudly and gripped my hand tighter. We walked through the airport parking lot, and he stopped behind a white Escalade. I watched in amazement as he pulled out his keys and hit the button to unlock it.
“This is yours?” I asked. He nodded with a wide smile. “Where’s the Porsche?”
“I traded it in for something more practical,” he said as he pushed my large suitcases into the back.
I’m impressed.
“I don’t have any games for the next three days, so we can do whatever you want,” he promised.
I hadn’t thought of what I wanted to do, not past testing our love to find out if it could be saved. As we drove, we talked about back home, about friends and family, and the latest gossip. It felt like the old us, sharing about our days and experiences. We talked about everything but the elephant in the room, which was fine. We had time for that.
I’d been so involved in telling him about how my uncle had broken his leg on a plow, that I wasn’t paying attention to where we were going. But it wasn’t to his apartment, that much I knew.
“Where are we going?” I asked, trying to place landmarks.
He looked at me with a strange seriousness. “I know you won’t like my new place, but I want you to pick out the next one.”
My chest tightened at the pressure of his words. I wasn’t certain things were going to be the same between us, or that I would even stay. It sounded like he had already decided we were fixed.
When we pulled onto the long black lane that curved around a line of trees and finally parked in front of the large white house, my heart sank deep into my chest. He wasn’t lying. I didn’t like it.
“Wow,” I said graciously and watched as he nervously fumbled with the door handle to get out of the large SUV. He walked to my side, opened the door and helped me out.
Inside wasn’t much better.
It was beautiful. Gorgeous, actually. But the large open space made it feel like a party pad, which caused images of that last party to float across my mind. How many girls had been naked in his pool? How many made it upstairs to his bedroom?
I felt sick. I shouldn’t have come here.
“You hate it,” he said, moving towards me. His arms wrapped around me like a security blanket and tears fell down my face.
I hated it.
“I bought it on a whim,” he said into my hair. “I was dying in that apartment. Everywhere I looked reminded me of how I’d lost you.”
I held onto him. His grip on me was tight, like he was afraid to let go, and part of me feared if he did, I might run out the door and all the way back to Indiana.
So many things I wanted to ask but didn’t really want the answers. Who had been here? How many parties? Did he fuck Caroline on that couch, or in his bed? How many others were there?
Stop it, Whitney!
Once upon a time, there was Whitney and Calvin. He had been my first and only, and I had been his. That wasn’t the case any longer. For either of us.
Images of the men I’d been with came back to me. Men I’d used to forget Calvin. Men who’d failed. Todd Morris came to mind, guilt sliding through me as I told him I couldn’t see him anymore, that I was going to try to make things work with Calvin.
“Let me get your bags,” he said quickly, jerking me back to the present.
I stood in the large entry way, gazing at the large staircase and then out the back door to the pool. Calvin came back in with my bags and carried them to the steps.
“I’ll show you the rest of the place,” he said, sounding hesitant. I didn’t care to see it, but I went anyway.
I stopped in the doorway of the large master bedroom. It was impressive, beautiful actually. The fireplace was a nice touch, very romantic, and the large four poster bed situated just perfectly so you could lie there and watch the flames with your lover.
I’m sure Caroline loved it here.
“I just bought the bed, it was delivered a couple days ago actually,” he explained as I looked blankly in its direction. I knew why he told me that, and why the old one had to be replaced.
“Whitney, I didn’t have parties here. I thought I would…” He trailed off, lifting a shoulder. “That was the plan anyways; drown out my pain with a new party pad.”
“So, you didn’t have any women here?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
Fear and guilt flashed across his face, exposing the truth.
“Caroline?” The word was barely audible over the pounding of my heart.
He looked at his shoes, then back up at me. “Yes.”
I’d already known that, and I received a measure of comfort from knowing he didn’t lie. I still didn’t like the answer, but it was what it was. I blinked away the tears that tried to escape.
“I, uh…” He looked at his feet again. “I wasn’t sure where you’d be comfortable sleeping, so I also had a room prepared…” He ran a hand through his hair and walked back into the hallway.
He opened the door to the most beautiful room I’d ever seen.
“Oh, wow,” I breathed and stepped inside. It was every woman’s dream. Soft grays and whites should have been boring, but in here, they were anything but. A four poster bed was the center of the room, a chaise lounge in the corner. This room featured a fireplace too, silk chairs sitting in front of it.
I was so touched by the effort he’d gone through, of even thinking I’d need my own space while we attempted to resolve our differences.
“It’s beautiful,” I murmured.
He blew out a breath. “Whew. I showed your Pinterest page to the designer and asked them to make it as close to your dream bedroom as they could.”
A lone tear spilled down my cheek. “They did a wonderful job. It’s breathtaking.”