Wild Card (North Ridge #1)

I’m there in no time, though Basil is frothy with sweat, and I quickly take the time to rinse him off with the hose before I tack up Polly.

It’s when I’m about to lead Basil over to the pasture that I hear a strange whimpering sound coming from the hayloft.

I leave Basil and head over to the ladder. “Hello?” I call up it.

A sniffle.

“Rachel?”

I haul myself up the rungs and peer out over the edge.

Rachel is sitting amongst the hay, her knees drawn up to her chest, her phone beside her. Her head is turned away from me and I can see she’s trying to wipe away tears.

“What happened?” I ask her, climbing up and coming over, hunching down from the roof. I crouch right in front of her and think about putting my hand on her leg, wondering if she’ll flinch.

I do it anyway, my palm pressed against her warm skin.

She doesn’t flinch.

A small victory.

“Did something happen to your mom?” I ask softly.

She shakes her head. “No. Yes. Not like that…”

I reach out and hold her chin, bringing her face around so I’m staring right into her eyes, red-rimmed and shining with tears. “What happened?”

She sighs and shakes her head, eyes closed, tears spilling down her cheeks until they run onto my fingers. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Rachel. Everything you do matters to me. You know this now. Is it…something to do with me? With what happened last night?”

She takes in a deep breath and I tuck her hair behind her ear. “Yeah.”

My heart feels heavy. I sit down right next to her, copying her pose, my arms resting on my knees. “Lay it on me.”

“I, uh…I broke up with Samuel.”

I shouldn’t be feeling joy right now, especially when she’s upset, but that’s what’s burning in my chest. “I’m sorry,” I tell her. “That was probably my fault.”

She gives me a weak smile. “Yeah. It was. But…it was also mine. I called him, you know, because I wanted to check in. Reception here sucks, so I took mom’s car and drove into town until I could get a better signal. I felt guilty about last night, I can’t help it. And just off the bat, I could tell he didn’t really care when I was coming home. So I knew it was pretty much over. I mean, it’s been over for a while but I…well, anyway, then I told him the truth. That you kissed me and I kissed you back and he didn’t even sound upset.” She lets out a sour laugh. “I mean, what does that say?”

“Says he didn’t know what he had when he had it. How long were you together?”

“Half a year or so,” she says, picking up some hay and playing with it. “Never said I love you. Never felt it. But I figured that eventually I would, you know. I was used to not falling in love…I couldn’t fall in love after you, Shane.” She rubs her lips together, glances at me. “You were it for me. I gave my heart to you and I never got it back. I don’t even think I wanted it back. I just prayed that I could love as big as I did the first time I loved you.”

I’m holding my breath as she talks, my own heart swelling and stretching with each word that falls from her lips.

“And I didn’t,” she goes on. “My heart just couldn’t do it. I didn’t have it in me because it’s only you that could get me to love like that again. Your heart is the only one that mine responds to.”

Are you talking in past or present tense? I think. Please, please God, let this be about the here and now.

“Funny thing is, Samuel says he wasn’t surprised at all. He knew this would happen. I never talked about you to him, I did my best to pretend you didn’t exist, but he still knew that my heart belonged elsewhere. Said that when we were, well, together, I was never in the moment. Never present. He said it was as if I was always somewhere else but it was never with him. And he was totally right.”

I clear my throat, wanting so badly to just push her back on the hay and kiss her, have her, take her. Revel in her sweet, sweet words.

I manage to hold it in. “Sounds like it needed to happen, though you know I’m biased.”

“It did,” she says and then rolls her eyes. “And then I contacted work because I was all paranoid that my boss was going to break up with me too.”

“And?”

She gives a half-hearted shrug. “He said that he’s thinking of bringing Pete up to my level so when I go back, I shouldn’t be surprised if I’m officially sharing my clients now. Actually, I think by the time I get back…I won’t have any clients at all.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Well. I knew that was the risk in coming here but I wouldn’t change anything. Still, I was upset and angry and frustrated at everything, just every fucking thing. And I came back to the house and my mom and I got in a fight and I think everything I kept bottled up just came pouring out. It was last night, what you told me. It reminded me that she was never ever there for me and yet here I am for her, sacrificing everything. I know I’m her daughter and I’m doing what good daughters do but fuck!” She slaps her knee. “She was never there. She turned her back on me. You were the only one who went to bat for me, Shane. I’m just so fucking confused.”

I grab her hand, holding it, trying to give her comfort. “I know it’s hard.”

“I told her some really horrible things,” she cries out softly, looking at me with pained eyes. “I was so mean.”

“It happens. This is what families do. You don’t think I haven’t fought with every single member of my family?”

“Not your grandpa.”

“Yes my grandpa. Rachel, you knew me when I was young. I could be a little shit sometimes. I’m not anymore but that’s the point of getting older. Maybe I still want to duke it out with Fox every now and then and maybe we should but even so, it’s just life. You said some mean things and your mother probably deserved it. She hurt you. She was your mother and she failed for a while because she was hurt too and she hurt you and that’s valid. But in time, you’ll both get over it. I promise. No one’s heart repairs overnight, it takes time to put the pieces back together.”

If they even want to try, that is.

“Why are you so good to me?” she whispers.

Because I never stopped loving you.

“Because you deserve all the good this world can bring,” I tell her, sliding my hand behind her neck as I lean in, my lips finding hers.

“Shane,” she whispers against my mouth but her words drop away. The world drops away as I sink into the sweetness of her tongue, as we fall back into the hay, my hands roaming over her body in quiet worship. Each section of skin my palm skirts over is a section of my heart I’m shocking alive again, willing it to beat. Her body makes me feel like I’m just being born, over and over again.

I want to give her everything.

I kiss her, deeper, sweeter, with a longing I can’t hide as I start to pull down her shorts, slipping my fingers under the front of her panties.