I walk to the door and open it, then turn back to him. He looks at me with a conflicted expression, and I know exactly how he feels.
“I’m not saying good-bye,” he says as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “Because this isn’t over. One day, fate’s going to fix this. Bring us back together. I believe that.”
I smile. “Yeah. One day.” My smile is too fake, and my heart is too sore, and I can’t begin to cope with how he’s looking at me.
“See you soon, Liss.”
I nod. “Bye, Liam. Travel safe.”
I clench my jaw against the tears that threaten as I close the door behind me.
EIGHT
NO EXCUSES
Eight Months Later
Central Park
New York City
I used to think missing someone was a choice, but that was before Liam. Now I realize all you can do is choose to ignore missing someone. The actual longing never goes away. It stays in your body like a toothache, deep in your bones, and every time you forget to deny it, the hum of it builds into a roar that’s so loud, it’s the only thing you can hear.
He’s been gone eight months now, and I still have to concentrate to stop thinking about him every day.
It doesn’t help that Josh is also gone. He got his acceptance letter to The Grove the same time I did, but decided to accept an offer from the UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television instead. For years he’d fantasized about living in L.A., and even though I suspected his decision was fueled by his obsession with all things young, hot, and actressy, I tried to be as supportive as possible.
The result is that the two people I want to be with most are both thousands of miles away. This has worked out well.
I sigh as I cross the road and head into Central Park. Stupid Liam. Making me feel things. Forcing me to miss him. If I didn’t love him so much, I’d hate him.
As I head toward the lake, “I’m Too Sexy” blares out of my phone, and even before I answer it I’m smiling.
“Madam Elissa’s House of Snark. How may I help you?”
“Move to L.A. Right the fuck now,” Josh says.
“Certainly, sir. I’ll be on the next plane.”
“Don’t mess with me, woman. I’m homesick, and haven’t been laid in over a week. I’m in a very vulnerable place right now. What are you doing?”
“Walking through Central Park. Heading to my reading tree.”
“You back home for the weekend?”
“Yeah. I had a few days off in between Grove shows, so I’ve come home to recharge.” I reach my reading tree near the lake and drop my bag on the grass before sitting. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. Just wanted to talk to my bestie. How’s your love life? Found anyone interesting at The Grove?”
I lean back against the tree and stretch my legs out in front of me. “Nope.”
“Aw, come on. It’s an arts college. There has to be a decent quotient of hot men.”
I pick at the grass. “Oh, there are lots of hot men, but it’s a drama school. It’s full of damn actors.”
“Okay, then branch out. There are also musicians and artists, right? Find a hot rock god. Or a sensitive painter. I know for damn sure you could get a date with anyone you liked if you just tried. At least have some meaningless sex. You’re wasting your college experience.”
The thing is, as much as I’d like to use sex to blow off steam, I’m just not interested in any of the guys at The Grove. I’m only interested in the man who’s closer to Josh than he is to me.
Josh clears his throat. “Aaaand we’ve reached the part of our conversation where I mention sex, and you go quiet so you can daydream about Liam Quinn.”
God, am I that predictable? “Sorry, Josh.”
“Don’t be. It’s just crappy he’s here instead of there. Did you see him in the latest Coke ad?”
“Yeah. It’s hard not to see him.” Shirt off, body glistening with water. A perfect-boobed blonde hanging off his arm as he smiles and embodies a man loving his life.
It makes me so jealous, I have to change the channel whenever it comes on.
“At least he’s getting work out here,” Josh says.
“Of course he is. He’s a casting agent’s wet dream.”
Josh pauses for a few seconds, then says, “You know, if you came out here to visit me, you could also see Quinn. I hate saying that because the risk is you’d fall into bed with him and not have time for me, but still. It’s a thought. I predict that if you and him were in the same city, your no-sex embargo would vanish in a puff of very horny smoke. Might do you some good.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. God, what a thought. Seeing Liam in the flesh. Touching him. Kissing him. It would be amazing.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
Godammit. Just thinking about him is making me miss him even more. My chest actually aches.
I lean back against the tree. “Can we not talk about this anymore? Don’t you have to go to class?”
“Only if I want to graduate. So, yeah. Call me tomorrow?”
“You bet.”
“And, Lissa?”
“Hmmm?”
“Just think about what I said, okay?”
“I will. Love you, Josh.”