But I could feel it building. The two of us were getting ready to go boom. Without a doubt, this girl was going to blow my mind.
One of her legs was tugged up to her chest and she sipped at a beer, laughing easily at the stupid story Ash just couldn’t keep to himself.
I tried not to stare at her, but that was a damned near impossible feat.
Yeah, she was beautiful.
But it was more than that. I felt this compulsion to look at her. To look at her closer than I’d looked at anyone before. Because there was more to her than just that surface beauty. Something bold and intriguing and begging to be made whole.
She made me want to explore the forbidden.
Dive into my own debauchery.
Swim in sin.
Because being with her? It wasn’t anything less than that.
Sin.
Ash waved his hands in the air like the madman he was, his voice lifted as he fed everyone what I was sure were a few exaggerated lines.
“You guys had to be there. Literally, I was running for dear life. Like, I thought I’d seen my last day and was gettin’ ready to see the light when I was trying to get away from this crazy-ass chick. She just wasn’t going to give up or take no for an answer. She kept ripping at my shirt and informing me she was a VIP. Like that actually meant something. And somewhere in her jacked-up mind, she actually thought that meant I was hers. Free rein. I mean, she was hot and all, but that shit was scary.”
A mild chuckle rolled from me. I learned a long time ago the guy couldn’t be blamed. He couldn’t help himself. He was a fucking clown I’d give my damned life for.
All of them.
Sebastian and Zee and Ash.
Laughing, Sebastian pointed the neck of his beer bottle toward Ash, taunting him. “What, you can’t protect yourself from a girl?”
“Girl? This chick was some kind of bodybuilder or some shit. You should have seen the muscles on this thing. It just wasn’t natural.” He shuddered.
“That’s because chicks kick ass, right, Tamar?” Shea piped in, grinning in Tamar’s direction.
When I looked down at Tamar, my chest prodded somewhere deep, this sort of fucked-up pride that didn’t belong. But I liked that she was enjoying herself, that she felt comfortable and safe while being in my space. The mood was light and easy, and Ash’s old house only added to the relaxed atmosphere.
But maybe that was just the issue I had, always watching for Blue underneath all the Red. Worried something would trigger her and she’d go spiraling down to that desolate place where I couldn’t stand for her to be.
Didn’t know why I had this crazy visceral reaction to protect her from going to that place. Like somehow it’d become my responsibility. My duty.
Right now, though, she was all Red, and she glanced at me quickly and cracked one of those smirks that damned near drove me out of my mind, before she turned back to Ash.
“I’m sure you have this all twisted around, Ash,” she teased with a cock of her head. “She was probably protecting herself from the likes of you. I have seen you in action, you know.”
Ash slammed his hand over his heart. “Oh, Tam Tam. Do you really have that little faith in me?”
Tonight we were actually supposed to be practicing, and surprise, surprise, it’d turned into the Ash Evans Show.
Sebastian and Shea had gotten back from their two-week honeymoon a couple days ago. Considering we only had six weeks until we had to head back to L.A. to finish up the tracks, we decided we’d better keep ourselves up to par before we let the easy, slacker life take us over.
We weren’t getting a whole lot done.
I knew Shea would be coming along since the song she and Sebastian had written would be showcased on the next album. That and the fact he pretty much wouldn’t let her out of his sight.
Honestly, there had been no hesitation on my part when Sebastian had suggested we consider the song for the album. Shea had a voice unlike any I’d ever heard. It’d be the last track. One to round out our expected thrashing songs, this one soft and sweet and slow, just like Sebastian’s girl.
Tamar had been in tow.
Should I have been pissed? Resistant to her unconsciously weaving her way into my tight-knit group?
Maybe.
But the truth of it was, I wanted her there.
And I just sat here and pretended it didn’t mean anything.
From where he was sitting on the couch across from me with Shea curled up on his lap, Sebastian lifted his chin, and I turned to catch him watching me watching Tamar. His eyes narrowed in question. In curiosity.
I gave him a short, quick shake of my head.
Don’t even.
Not a chance in hell was I about to let him go there. Not any more than I was going to let Ash or Zee, for that matter. Yeah, so what if this was the first time any of them had seen me with a girl. In fucking years. Not since when I didn’t want to remember.
And I wasn’t talking about the ones that came and went faster than I could catch their names.
I was talking about one being at my side while I stood at hers.
But six weeks from now? This would all be over. In the end, would she be just another nameless, faceless body?
A swelling of emotion locked up my throat.